“Don’t really care.” At this point, I was drained. Ignoring him wasn’t working. Maybe Deanna could make him leave me alone.
My bed creaked when she reached for my phone. “Hello?”
There was silence while AJ replied.
“She doesn’t feel like talking,” Deanna said sweetly. “Maybe try her back later.”
“No, don’t try me back later! I’ve said everything that I intend to say to you!” I yelled, hoping he’d hear me. There was a long pause.
“Sam, he wants me to put him on speaker. Is that ok?”
I growled in frustration and pulled the pillow over my head. The next thing I heard was his voice. “Sam, let me come see you. Please. I can explain everything,” he begged. I didn’t even justify his absurd request with a response.
He sighed into the phone. “…..I love you. I’d never do what you’re thinking I did.”
The knots in my stomach tightened and I didn’t want to listen anymore. “Just hang up, Dee,” I said as the tears started falling again. She ended the call and the room fell silent again other than the sound of me sobbing.
Hadn’t he already done enough? Did he really think that I wanted to hear more of his lies? There was no explanation that he could give for why that girl was naked in his room. Or for why he didn’t tell me that she’d been at his house the entire time we were home for break. He hadn’t said a word about it until he had to. I was even beginning to wonder if the situation with his father had all been grossly exaggerated just to cloud my judgment and to get me to focus on something other than the overwhelming evidence stacked against him.
That night was possibly even harder than the first. At around three in the morning, Deanna abandoned her bed and lay beside me; however, her thoughtful attempt to soothe me was in vain. I felt bad for keeping her up with my crying, but I couldn’t help it. The more time that passed, the more real it became……it was over.
I spent days cooped up there in my room like that, not eating, not getting much sleep, missing class, just crying as I watched AJ’s name flash across my phone over and over again. Between Deanna, Terrell, and Maisha, I was never alone, though. I hated that they insisted on babying me, but it was nice knowing that they were there for me. Per my request, Deanna managed to convince AJ to give me some time to process everything when he finally showed up at our door because he couldn’t get through to me otherwise. He agreed not to come back for awhile, but continued to call almost hourly like I fully expected him to. I let it ring and go to voicemail every time.
Day six fell on a Monday and that was the hardest day by far. Mondays were supposed to be our days. We’d become accustomed to staying holed up in my room from sunup to sundown, doing whatever we wanted as long as we were together. All I thought about was him as I lay in bed, mostly staring at the walls and ceiling while Deanna watched TV.
I hated that he had this effect on me. Even more, I hated that he was probably in his room, only feeling bad about getting caught. It didn’t seem fair. I wanted to be over him so that I could break his hold. I wanted to forget about how he made me feel, about the plans we’d made for the future, and about our past. If I could do that, I’d be able to put all this crying and moping behind me. He didn’t deserve my tears to be quite honest.