When I managed to calm down, I lay in bed thinking the rest of the night, mostly because I couldn’t sleep. The times I wasn’t dwelling on AJ’s betrayal, I was thinking about how closely this all paralleled what I’d put Antonio through……and I wanted to call him. I know, I know; he didn’t need to be dragged into all this again, but I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. Besides, I owed him an apology for being snobby toward him the last time we spoke.
No one would ever understand why I was calling him of all people, but for some reason he was the only one I wanted to talk to at this point. Everyone else I was close to was happy in a committed relationship and would only offer me condolences out of pity – not because they could relate. It’d serve me right if I called Antonio and he did nothing but rub salt in my gaping wound, but I knew him better than that.
The next morning, Deanna was still asleep in my bed. As quietly as I could, I crept to the bathroom with my phone in hand.
Antonio answered sleepily. “Sam?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
He cleared his throat and sounded more alert when he asked, “What’s wrong? You ok?”
“Yeah, I just need to talk to someone…and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I came over.”
God, please don’t let this man cuss me out for asking him for a favor after everything I’ve put him through. Not that I don’t deserve it, but…my heart probably couldn’t take that right now.
“When?” He asked.
I looked at my pitiful reflection in the mirror. “As soon as I shower and get dressed. Is that ok?”
He cleared his throat again. “Sure. Want breakfast?”
I smiled weakly, feeling soooo unworthy of his kindness. “No…I’m fine.”
“Alright then, I’ll text you the directions.”
After ending the call, I tiptoed out of the bathroom and over to the dresser to get my clothes without waking Deanna. I showered and pulled my hair up into a messy bun. When I checked my phone, Antonio had already sent me the address so I was on my way. Deanna snored softly as I snuck past her and out to my car.
Five or six minutes later, I pulled up at Antonio’s apartment. I was beginning to have second thoughts about going inside. But why? It wasn’t like I was risking anything. I mean…..AJ and I were already over, so it didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like I was going to see Antonio as anything other than friends anyway. With that mindset, I stepped out of the car and walked toward the building. He’d left the door partially open so that I could let myself in.
“Hey,” he called out from the kitchen where he stood downing a bowl of cereal at the counter.
“Hey.” I still wasn’t convinced that I hadn’t crossed a line that didn’t need to be crossed by showing up at his door I sat on the couch and looked around his place. There was a burgundy, leather sofa with a color-block rug in the middle of the room. Other than a TV and bookcase filled with movies, there wasn’t much else to see.
I glanced up at Antonio again where he stood in the kitchen rinsing his bowl, and the irony of it all wasn’t lost on me. Deanna had issues of her own to deal with, Terrell needed to focus on Maisha, my parents were too far away to help me through this, and I didn’t feel close enough to any of my other friends yet to discuss what I was going through. Truth is, AJ had really put my heart through the wringer, and, as messed up as it is……Antonio was the only person I could think of to turn to.
All of a sudden, the tears started again. Frustrated by the lack of control I had over my emotions, I wiped the few tears away with the back of my hand. I sat there wondering if this was all the result of moving into the relationship with AJ too fast. Maybe I’d misread all the signs. For a fleeting second, it honestly crossed my mind that our collision in the hallway was a test, and I’d allowed him to avert my steps onto a path that I was never meant to walk. I felt so confused. Antonio looked up to find me sniffling and hesitantly came over to sit beside me, leaving a few inches between us, which I appreciated.