“Didn’t feel right leaving you here by yourself,” he replied.
I smiled at him, grateful and baffled all at the same time. “Thank you.”
He nodded dismissively like I’d expected him to and continued to watch TV. My phone rang and, surprisingly enough, Terrell passed it without looking to see who was calling. When I threw it to the edge of the bed, he had a pretty good idea that it was AJ.
“Do you think you should hear him out?” Terrell asked, treading lightly.
“Nope. He’s a liar and it gives me a migraine trying to figure out when he’s telling the truth and when he’s not.” I leaned my head back and stared up at the ceiling.
“I’m not pressuring you, but if you wanna talk about it….” Terrell offered. I knew he wanted to help, but he had no idea what I was going through. Even if he did, he couldn’t do anything to make it better. He and Maisha were happy, and here I was on the brink of losing everything. I didn’t want to be around couples or anyone in love. I hated love at the moment because it’d betrayed me so severely. There was a heaviness in my chest and I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown all of a sudden.
“You know what, Terrell? Can I just call you later? I think I need to be alone,” I said flatly, not bothering to sugarcoat my words; I didn’t have the strength for niceties. At first he seemed reluctant to leave me, but then he did as I asked.
“Alright, but I’ll be right down the hall if you need me.” He looked back once as he shut the door.
Feeling a little guilty for dismissing him after he’d skipped class for me, I sank down into my bed and pulled the covers over my head. Another crying spell came over me. This time, the intensity of the sobbing and retching left my stomach in knots. Why did this have to happen to me? I loved AJ with everything I had and apparently it meant nothing. If that wasn’t the truth, he wouldn’t have risked it all for another girl.
Thoughts of Antonio came back to mind; what I did to him was awful and now I understood what it was like to love someone and have a stranger creep in and snatch them away. It wasn’t fair and I shouldn’t have done him that way. Especially now that I was living in the aftermath of it all, I could admit that AJ wasn’t worth everything that I’d lost.
It shocked me how heavy Antonio was on my mind, mostly because I felt guilty for dismissing him when he tried to tell me what was going on behind my back, but also because I found myself identifying with him more and more in the midst of all this. It wasn’t until now that I was able to experience the full effect of what I’d done to him. Serves me right, I suppose.
At around six that evening, Deanna returned because apparently AJ called Karl and told him that we broke up. She didn’t say much when she walked in and sat beside me on my bed. I was still buried underneath the covers as she stroked my shoulder.
“I came to check on you, hun,” she said softly.
“Thanks,” I replied, shocked that she’d climbed out from underneath Karl long enough to even notice that I was even upset. Like I said…I was feeling a bit down on love and anyone in love.
“How’re you holding up?” She asked.
I shrugged and then lie there motionless again.
She paused and read more into my indifference than was necessary. “Are you mad at me for not being around?” She added guiltily.
Not gonna lie, I’d felt a bit lonely since moving here to Charleston. Having Terrell and Maisha around, and AJ for a short time, had temporarily changed that, though, so I didn’t see the point in making her feel bad. “No. I just have a lot on my mind. That’s all.”
She turned to look at me when my phone sounded off. I again pulled the cover over my head and turned toward the wall, wishing that AJ would just…stop. At least he’d respected my wishes enough not to come to my room.
“Want me to talk to him?” Deanna offered.