“Samantha?” I looked up to find Dr. Gill staring at me questioningly. “Where’d you go?” she asked with a smile.
The smile that I returned was a weak one. “I was just…thinking.”
She watched me, waiting for me to share, and then set her pen and notepad down when I didn’t. I hadn’t said much at all actually in the ten minutes I’d been in her office, so without telling her anything, she already knew something was wrong.
“You may as well just tell me,” she added, still smiling. “You’ll feel better once you do.”
I let out a breath and thought over the past few days. AJ and I had our talk Sunday and now on Wednesday I was still just as miserable. My attempt to save him from me, to save him from losing his fiancé, was an epic fail. We still hadn’t reached a plausible conclusion to our dilemma and it was days later. All either of us knew was that the bond we shared defied all understanding and reason.
“How do I end this?” I asked Dr. Gill sullenly, shocking her with my statement.
She continued to stare. “Is that really what you want?”
“That’s just what has to happen. Despite who AJ’s been these past few days, despite who he is when he’s with me, he’s a good guy and he’s got a lot going for him; there’s no way I can expect him to break that girl’s heart. He doesn’t have the strength to sever our tie, so…I guess it has to be me.”
My breaths left in quick spurts as I pretended to be sure of this decision.
“I tell you what, why don’t you tell me what happened and we can sort this -“
“I need to do this now,” I cut in. “He leaves to go back to Fairfax tomorrow for business, and he’s gonna have to face his fiancé. I need to free him. If I don’t, he’s gonna mess up his life.” I swiped at a hot tear that didn’t match my stern expression. “I have to let him go.”
The fact that I hadn’t heard much from AJ these past few days since our talk led me to think that he was dealing with a similar struggle. I’d do him the favor of taking on that burden myself, though.
The look on Dr. Gill’s face made it clear that she thought I was making a hasty decision, but if I toiled over this one for too long, I’d revert back to my original way of thinking – our love for one another was as good an excuse as any for why we should be together.
“How do I end this?” I repeated.
Dr. Gill lowered her head. “Samantha…I see a lot of patients. Hundreds,” she explained. “It’s unprofessional for me to guide any of you based on my own personal feelings and emotions. But…I consider you to be one of my patients who I’d sit here talking to about life with, mine and yours, even if you weren’t on my roster. I care about all of my patients’ wellbeing – that’s the nature of my profession; however, there are some of you who are special to me.”
I looked up at Dr. Gill through watery eyes, blinking them away as much as I could.
“I think you’re making a huge mistake,” she finally shared. “This has nothing to do with those documents hanging in frames behind me on that wall,” she said, pointing at her credentials from various respected institutes. “I’m speaking to you as a woman. If this is truly what you want – to end things with this guy – then by all means follow your heart.” She reached across and touched her hand to mine briefly. “But if there’s even a shadow of doubt…don’t you do it,” she warned. “Don’t let him go again.”
*****