AJ didn’t respond.
I took another breath and made the details of my breakup known. “He sent them to let me to know that he’s filing for divorce.”
Now AJ responded. Shooting me a confused look, he waited for me to explain further.
“We’ve been together for almost two whole years and I found out that he has a wife that he’s been separated from and a son that I never knew existed.” I revisited the memory of seeing the pictures of Jason’s son for the first time and found myself wondering if I would’ve fallen into my current plight as easily if none of that had transpired. If my trust for Jason had remained intact, would I still be sitting here having this conversation with AJ?
“You had to find that out on your own?” he asked.
I nodded slowly. “Once I became suspicious, he eventually confessed. I honestly thought he was seeing someone else behind my back, but as it turns out, he kind of was,” I managed to smile, acknowledging the irony of it all. “…His son.”
AJ didn’t say anything.
“Apparently they live in Boston, so while we were there for the wedding, he slipped out to go visit.”
“How has he been able to get away to see his kid without you knowing? Pretended to be going away on business or something?” AJ asked.
I shook my head again. “Nope. It almost would’ve been better if he had been lying to me so that he could be a father to the boy, but last month was the first time he’d seen him in almost a year,” I explained. “His lack of involvement was part of the problem. Jason used to talk a lot about us starting a family one day, but…seeing him virtually abandon his son was eye-opening for me. I couldn’t see myself with someone like him long-term.”
AJ was quiet for a while. “I saw the vase and flowers yesterday.”
Now I understood why he didn’t seem surprised when I shared that part. “They were sitting outside my door when Angel and I got back from fixing my phone.”
“Have you called him since then?” AJ asked with no real expectations one way or another.
I shook my head. “No, but I know I’ll have to eventually. I’m not gonna string him along.”
When AJ fell silent, I wondered what he was thinking. Was he comparing his relationship ties to Kira against those that Jason had kept secret from me these past couple years? Was he imagining having to confess to Kira what we’d done, or was he imagining having to break the news to me that we’d reached the end of the line, like I was going to have to reveal to Jason soon, once and for all.
“I feel torn,” I admitted vaguely, realizing after the fact that AJ could’ve mistaken the statement to mean that I was unsure about cutting Jason off permanently.
He shifted his eyes toward me, but I didn’t turn away from the ocean. “Torn about what?”
“About us,” I replied. “About where to file us away emotionally….morally. I just should’ve known better than to get caught up the way I have.” I sighed just thinking about it and AJ lowered his head. “I keep thinking back and asking myself why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made when it comes to you these past several days, but I hate the answer that I’m getting.”
“Which is?” he asked.
I scoffed and shook my head at how such a complicated situation broke down to one, simple, unruly fact – I loved him. I wasn’t going to say it out loud, though.
AJ watched me for a few seconds and then turned away when I didn’t respond to his question. “Do you think that we just let things get out of hand?” he asked.