She grabbed one of the throw pillows from behind her and I blocked it just before it came in contact with my head.
“That’s so gross! Men definitely talk more than us women do. You’ve just proven that.”
I shot her an incredulous look. “Oh, so you didn’t give Angel any details?” I asked.
She stammered at first. “Well…she…that’s different because she walked in on us, so she already knew. You blabbing to Terrell is completely different,” she reasoned.
I rolled my eyes and smiled again. “It’s not like I gave him any details or anything, but he knows.”
She shook her head. “What’d he say?”
I shrugged. “You mean aside from threatening me? He seemed cool with it.”
Sam burst out laughing. “Wait. What? Terrell wouldn’t threaten you. What’re you talking about?”
“I mean, it was the friendliest threat anyone’s ever placed on my life, but I read him loud and clear. He basically told me that I better not hurt you.”
Sam looked away and the laugh dulled to a smile.
“I can’t blame him; he really cares about you,” I added.
Like I do, I thought to myself.
She nodded in agreement, but didn’t say anything back as the smile slipped from her face altogether. We wandered back into that awkward place that we seemed to exist in now when conversation lulled. I couldn’t help but to wonder what she was thinking. Had talk of Terrell being concerned that I’d hurt her made her consider that possibility? Was that a possibility?
I was trying my hardest not to think in terms of making a decision – choosing between continuing to explore this gray area with Sam or returning to my sure thing that’d been my anchor for the past five years. The main reason I was trying to avoid it was because I knew that there was indeed an imbalance between the two and I couldn’t justify my irrational thoughts – honestly wondering if I should recklessly abandon the nice, neat life I’d built for myself to chase after the option that’d ended in heartbreak the last time.
Needing to step away for a moment, I asked, “Mind if I get a glass of water?”
Sam smiled weakly and shook her head. I stood and breathed a sigh of relief. In the back of my mind, I thought about leaving again – going back to my quiet loft where I could pretend like nothing had changed. But then it hit me; if that’d been what I wanted, I never would’ve come back to Sam’s in the first place. I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Taking a glass down from the cabinet, I stepped over to the sink, taking note of the large crystal vase beside it. It wasn’t until after I turned to talk back out to the living room that I noticed the head of a lone, red rose smashed between the lid and the can of Sam’s garbage. Assuming they came from Jason, I chose not to bring it up. If he stopped by and Sam didn’t want to say, that was her business. Knowing that I didn’t have a right to ask her what’d transpired in my absence, I let it go.
I found Sam flipping through channels when I returned to the couch. I sat down beside her and smiled when she settled on reruns of Fresh Prince – she always seemed to prefer watching shows that’d long since gone off the air, as opposed to the reality TV and other shows that the rest of the world was buzzing about. Not realizing that I was watching her, I smiled when she burst out laughing at whatever joke I’d missed.