Fragile Bonds

I’ll never understand how Melanie can get Jacob ready and out the door in less than ten minutes. I wasn’t in the bathroom any longer than that, but by the time I walked out, wrapped in nothing but a towel, the apartment was empty. The only exception being Brody, who seemed none too pleased to have been left behind. Knowing her, she knew there was going to be a discussion coming and didn’t want to get into it when we’re both in a hurry to get somewhere. That’s one of the many ways she’s far more sensible than I am, but it does nothing for the fact that I can’t stop wondering what she thinks of Jacob’s little comment this morning.

“Dude, you going to get your head in the game sometime?” Braydon asks, annoyed by my wandering mind. “Everything okay at home? You’re really distracted this morning. Please tell me you didn’t manage to piss her off last night after I left.”

I can’t get too upset at his assumption seeing as most of the time, I am the one who screws up. It’s an affliction I’ve lived with for years, thanks to me being too much of a control freak to go along with whatever comes my way. Melanie and Alyssa are both prime examples of how I’ve fucked up the good things in my life. How I managed to come across not one, but two women in my life who are able to see past my sometimes pigheaded ways is beyond me.

“No, I didn’t,” I grumble. I need to talk to Braydon about what Jacob said, but I’m not looking forward to it. He’s turned into this super cheerleader, pushing for Melanie and me to figure out our issues so we can live happily ever after, starting as soon as possible. He’s probably going to be ecstatic that Jacob is fighting on his side. “Jacob said something this morning and I’m worried it’s going to send Melanie running. I was hoping to talk to her about it, but she was gone by the time I got out of the shower and I had to come over here.”

“Need me to grab little man from daycare this afternoon and take him somewhere for a while tonight? Maybe he’d like to go to the batting cage and then pizza and a movie with his favorite uncle.” Braydon kicks back in his chair, resting his bare feet on the oak desk top. Apparently, Monday is the casual day around here since Artemis isn’t open on Mondays and it’s a day to catch up on business.

“I don’t know,” I say nervously. Before Alyssa died, I thought I would have jumped at any chance to have someone else take care of Jacob for a night because I was the epitome of a detached parent. But now, I can’t imagine not being able to look in on him in the middle of the night, just to remind myself that the past five and a half years weren’t a bizarre dream. I’m far from father of the year material, but I’ve come to live for every minute I can spend with Jacob.

“He has school tomorrow morning and I should probably talk to him about what he said, too.” Braydon cocks his head to the side, confused about what a five-year-old could have said that has me this worked up.

“Okay, I think we need to back up for a minute. Did he insult her or something? Tell her she’s not his mom?” Both would be logical reasons for me to be upset, but all I can do is laugh at how close he is while completely missing the mark.

“Nope, he told her that she’s his birthday wish,” I say, not able to get his exact words to pass my lips. I know he’s too young to realize that plenty of kids wind up living with only one parent, and not all of those see their other parents. When it comes right down to it, him asking Melanie to be his new mommy cut me deeply and I’m freaking out inside because I don’t know if it’s because he misses Alyssa or because he feels like I’m not enough for him.

“Either I need to grab another cup of coffee or you need to quit talking in riddles,” Braydon says, dropping his feet to the floor so he can lean in closer to me. “Because right now, you’re not making any fucking sense to me.”

“He caught her sleeping in my bed this morning and that has him thinking she’s now going to be his mom,” I say in a rush before I can chicken out of telling him everything he needs to know to have some clarity.

Braydon shakes his head in disbelief, staring at me with his mouth hanging open. He reaches across his body, rubbing a knot out of his shoulder while assessing me the entire time. “Could you warn me before you lob that much shit at me in one sentence?” he asks, scratching his head.

“We’ll loop back to that whole Mel was in your bed thing later,” he says sarcastically. “What do you think about her being a mother-figure to Jacob? Are you really worried that it’s going to send her running or do you already have your shoes laced up, ready to head for the hills?”

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