And that, right there, is another huge problem. I want to take that step more than I should. If I could stop worrying about how it’s going to seem to everyone else that I’m with someone so soon after my wife died, we probably would have had sex a while ago. It’s not that we’re more of a couple if we have sex or less if we don’t, but I’m stuck in this odd state of limbo right now. My need for Melanie is at war with my devotion to my dead wife and consummating our relationship while I’m this conflicted feels wrong.
“Take the rest of the day off. I’ll pick up Jacob so you two can talk this shit out. I’ll swing by while you take her out for a nice dinner and grab clothes for my buddy. And don’t worry, I’ll get him to daycare in the morning. It would suck if he was labeled a delinquent before he even starts public school,” Braydon laughs as he stands to come around to the front of the desk. “And seriously, think about what I said. You and Mel are good together. I think it’s time for you to rip off the band aid and show her that she’s the one you’re thinking about.”
“Thanks,” I say sincerely. There’s no point arguing with him because we both know he’s right. And we both know that if he doesn’t push me, I’ll keep being this person I barely recognize, refusing to go after what I want in life because I’m allowing a dead woman to dictate my every move.
“I don’t think it’s as bad as you think it is,” Tyler says as we sit at the edge of the pool. Lucky for me, he had a light work day and decided to take the afternoon to spend some much needed time playing amateur shrink to me. We’ve been trying to spend a bit more time together in the past few months and it’s made me realize I hung onto the wrong friend from our little trio for too many years. “Now that I see how much different Xavier is compared to how he used to be, I think he’s almost as good for you as you are for him. And everyone already thinks you’re Jacob’s mom.”
“And that’s the problem,” I screech, turning on my side so I’m facing him. “I can’t be his mom. Even if she’s dead, he has a mother. I don’t want all of our neighbors talking about our strange arrangement and the poor boy whose mom and dad live in two different buildings.”
“So move in with him. Problem solved!” Tyler grabs my cup, refilling it with half-melted margarita slush. I’m not normally a drinker, especially not during the day, but this seemed to be a good reason to make an exception.
“Not problem solved, you freak,” I respond, rolling my eyes. “How is that going to make anything better?”
“No one would talk about poor Jacob and how the only woman he can look up to as a mother lives in a different building,” he points out and I think he truly believes everything he’s saying. If only life was so simple in the real world. I miss the uncomplicated days when I didn’t get involved with anyone, especially my first love who is now a widower with a son. “Plus, you’d save money. Maybe you could be a stay-at-home mom, waiting for him to get off the bus every day and you could have dinner on the table when Xavier comes home.”
“You’re delusional,” I sigh. “The problem isn’t the living arrangements. I don’t even know if Xavier wants things to get any more serious than they already are. Hell, we slept in the same bed last night and he didn’t even try copping a feel.”
Tyler swings his lean legs over the side of the chair, bending at the waist so his face is inches from mine. “You two got hot and heavy the first time around. If I’m not mistaken, you slept with him less than a week after you met. And look where that got him. Can you really blame him for going slower this time? Especially seeing as he’s probably pretty messed up in the head over his wife’s death.”
I dig in my tote bag for my cell phone as it starts chirping incessantly. Looking at the display, I smile when I see a text message from Xavier.
Bray has Jacob for the night. Know of any beautiful women who might like to go to dinner and a walk along the lakeshore?
“Oh, my God, you’re so in love with him I think I’m going to be sick,” Tyler mocks me as I tap out my reply. “Seriously, girl, stop worrying about the future and enjoy the giddy schoolgirl look you’re rocking right now. Whether you have a title or not, you’re already acting like Jacob’s mom and doing a damn good job at it. It’s psyching yourself out that’s going to steal your happiness.”
I wrap my arms around Tyler’s neck, needing to get home to find something to wear and wash the sweat and sunscreen off my skin. “Thanks, Ty. For everything.”
“Anytime, girly. It’s good to have you back.” He plants a wet kiss on my cheek before releasing me, causing a few curious glances from the bored housewives working on their tans. “Now, go get glammed up and show that man what he’s been missing for so long!”
Tyler sends me off in a fit of giggles after delivering a sharp swat to my backside. I run across the parking lot, wanting to take my time to get ready.