He’s just a creature of lust, I reminded myself.
I couldn’t deny that being in close proximity to him affected me. It wasn’t in the same way as with Lincoln; it was raw and laden with guilt. Because I knew it wasn’t real. What Phoenix did to me was a controlled manipulation of my own emotions, but I longed for it anyway. I’d just explained to Lincoln earlier that I’d been addicted to Phoenix’s abilities and now, looking at him, I realised it was more than that. I was drawn to him on a deeper level, because of our connection and what we’d once shared.
‘You helped us in the subway. You led us to the other child,’ I said. Statement not question. When Phoenix didn’t respond, I went on. ‘You’ve been trying to get to me in my dreams – not to hurt me, but to help us.’
Phoenix was statue-still.
Finally, he shifted. ‘You kept pushing me out and once you were behind the Academy shields it was impossible.’
I remembered the force field that divided us last time.
‘Have you always known I could sense your emotions more than others?’ I asked, noting that Lincoln was stewing silently. But I needed to know. What I felt from Phoenix was more than just his emotional run-off and unlike anything I felt from anyone else.
Phoenix flinched. He knew what I was asking. ‘Ever since I healed you the connection has been there.’
I explained to Lincoln, ‘I think I can sense some of Phoenix’s emotions even when he doesn’t intend me to.’
‘Sensational,’ Lincoln said, flat.
‘It’s not like that,’ I said, blushing. ‘But I think that it helps me understand him at times.’
‘And she does seem to know every single inch of me,’ Phoenix taunted.
‘What are you doing here, Phoenix?’ Lincoln ground out each word.
Phoenix’s facade broke, just for a few seconds, but I saw it. The darkness around his eyes, the desperation that I’d sensed in the tunnels. I felt his weariness.
He put his hands palm down on the table, considering his words carefully. ‘I don’t have a solution. I can only confirm that it is likely we will all die very soon. Nothing I can do will change that but unlike some …’ His eyes bored into mine, ‘I’m not ready to confess all my sins and be absolved.’
‘As if absolution would ever be yours!’ Lincoln snarled.
‘True,’ Phoenix agreed.
I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. This wasn’t going well.
‘Then what are you here for?’ Lincoln pushed. I could see one of his hands fisted on his thigh. I could only imagine how angry he was going to be with me after we got Phoenix out of here.
Phoenix shrugged and leaned back in his seat. But his apparent openness wasn’t fooling me. He was highly strung. ‘I don’t kill kids. I’m here to help you save them. And make the agreement that we either destroy the Scripture or return it to you afterwards, whichever opportunity presents itself first.’
‘You mean the Scripture Lilith wouldn’t even have if it wasn’t for you!’ Lincoln raged. ‘This reeks of a set-up and you know it.’
Phoenix tilted his head. ‘Think what you will but I never told her about the Scripture. Not my fault every damn exile out there knew about it. I gave you lot a chance to get it back and you forced me into a corner.’ His voice had lifted in a rare display of anger. ‘Lilith found out about the Scripture within hours of her arrival. I hid it for as long as I could, but I couldn’t very well withhold it forever!’
Lincoln half laughed and not in a nice way. ‘Of course not! That would’ve required you actually doing the right thing.’
‘Why do you work with every “damn” exile, as you say, when you clearly hate them all so much?’ I asked, trying to understand.
Phoenix’s jaw locked. ‘We are what we are,’ was all he said.
At that, my heart broke a little.
He pointed a menacing finger. ‘Oh, spare me.’
I tried to pull in my emotions. ‘What are you suggesting?’ I asked.
‘Two things,’ Phoenix said. ‘One, Lilith wants you as her guests tomorrow night. That’s when I’m supposed to find you and bring you to her. She has Evelyn …’ His eyes softened on me for a moment and Lincoln stirred beside me.
‘She’s still alive.’ Phoenix swallowed and took a deep breath. ‘Lilith is offering you the chance to surrender. She has condemned you both to death but in return for your submission she has offered to reward you with the lives of as many of the children as you can manage to save.’
My mouth went dry. A million thoughts were running through my mind and yet, somehow, it was completely and utterly blank at the same time.
‘And how is it decided how many children we can save?’ I asked.