He gave a sad nod of agreement. ‘I tried to explain the next day, but I saw the adoration in your eyes when you healed Lincoln and the temptation to use the new power I had over you was too much to resist. I thought if I could just sway you a little, encourage animosity towards him and devotion to me But by the time it all came out and I’d healed you I’d already lost you.’
I shook my head, hearing it all like this, I believed him. ‘You’re right, you know. I think I could’ve loved you, but even with everything that happened, that wasn’t the reason we didn’t end up together.’
He looked towards the trees. ‘Him,’ he said.
‘Him,’ I agreed.
He smiled ruefully. ‘There is always that. I should’ve known better, of course. About a lot of things. Now it’s too late to make amends.’
‘I thought you didn’t apologise?’
His smile turned a little playful and I was reminded of the Phoenix I had first become friends with.
‘I don’t. But if I can make it right … I will. This whole thing, it’s my fault. I did this, not you.’
I leaned forwards onto my elbows. ‘Because of you I have my mother back. Because of you, that volcano might not have erupted, but without you, all those people on Santorini would have died. Because of you … I’m alive.’ I gave a cynical laugh. ‘Maybe not for long, but still, I’m alive.’
He looked away and I saw his hand go to his face. I wondered if he was wiping away a tear.
‘It would be easier if I didn’t love you. Saying things like that, after all I have done,’ he half laughed. ‘You ruin me. Absolutely and totally obliterate me.’
We were silent for a while, both lost in our own thoughts.
‘Did you really not mean for Rudyard to die?’ I asked after a time.
He held my gaze and opened the channels to his emotions, showing me his regret. He’d thought he had been so clever, controlling the exiles and getting what he wanted. Death was not what had motivated Phoenix, despite all his threats.
‘It was still my choices that led to it. Still my fault,’ he admitted.
I couldn’t deny that.
Lincoln chose that moment to reappear. His face was expressionless, his shields up, blocking me from any insight. I understood.
‘Perimeter is clear.’ He looked at Phoenix – his green eyes like steel, his voice dripping with contempt. ‘Violet and I need to talk. You can come back to collect us tomorrow night. If we’re here, we’re here. If not, you have your answer and good luck ever finding her again.’
Phoenix nodded and we both stood, brushing off the dust we’d attracted as we did.
‘Fair enough,’ Phoenix said. Then, after a pause, ‘I don’t suppose you could offer me a ride into the nearest town? I’d prefer not to use my powers more than necessary here – I tend to work as a homing beacon for Lilith.’
That was the first I’d heard of such an ability. By the dubious look on Lincoln’s face and his crossed arms it was the first he’d heard of it too, but again, something seemed to pass between them and I saw Lincoln nodding, looking to me.
‘Will you be all right?’
I raised my eyebrows. The two of them, enclosed in a vehicle for the next twenty minutes, and he was asking if I would be okay.
‘Will you?’ I asked.
He nodded solemnly, going inside to get the keys.
When I turned a sceptical gaze back to Phoenix, his hair sparkled in the late afternoon sunlight. With the backdrop of the river he looked striking and my breath caught. Phoenix didn’t offer any further explanation and instead cast his eyes out over the water. Surprising us both, the moment overcame me and I closed the distance between us. He actually braced in readiness for a strike, but nothing could have hit him harder than when I put my arms around him.
Tentatively, his arms returned the gesture, exhaling as though the heaviest of weights had been slowly lifted from him and pulled me close.
For once, Phoenix didn’t try to play with my emotions. Instead, he was eerily still, emotionally and physically.
‘We’ve all made mistakes,’ I said quietly. ‘Terrible mistakes. We’ve all played a part in where we are now – you don’t carry this alone. You won’t finish it alone, either. I promise.’ I didn’t tell him about the potion Steph and Dapper were working on, but I would make sure he got it when I was gone. I just held him tight and he held me back, his cheek resting on the top of my head.
‘I’ve never felt … The way you get to me.’ He was breathing deeply. ‘I know what I’ve done but, I swear to you … If there is a way to save you, I’ll find it.’
‘I know.’ And I did.
He leaned back, his hand cupping my face tenderly. ‘Next time I see you, you’ll be lost to me forever.’
I stared back into his sad eyes, caught in his spell.
What does that mean?
Lincoln cleared his throat from the doorway. ‘For Christ’s sake, when you’re done groping her, can we go?’
Phoenix’s chest trembled as he snickered. I found myself mimicking the silent response. After all, a couple of hours ago such a comment from Lincoln would have ensured physical combat between the two of them.