I remembered how Irin seemed to have so much control over his Nephlim children. I wondered if Lilith had a similar kind of control over him.
Lincoln stood, scraping his chair roughly as he did. ‘This is priceless! So, you’re telling us to surrender to Lilith based on your assurance that you will free her mother after we are both dead and trust that you will keep Violet alive for as long as possible so her death can be slower and more painful! You’re insane. We may as well take our chances and kill you!’
I heard Lincoln’s words, the desperate plea that this was not happening. But we both knew he’d left out the one thing that made the difference. That in return for all of that, we would have a chance at saving those innocent children.
Phoenix simply shrugged. ‘We all know complications arise from that solution, too.’
I looked at Lincoln, pain rippling through his features.
‘He’s right,’ I said, quietly. ‘And you know it.’
Death is racing towards me.
Lincoln didn’t respond. Instead he stared at Phoenix while Phoenix stared back. Their hate for one another seemed to morph into a mutual resentment, a shared desperation and even heartache. Finally, Lincoln dropped back into his seat.
‘Is there any other way?’ he asked.
‘If there was, I would’ve found it,’ Phoenix replied.
And I believed him.
Before the reality of what we were discussing could hit me, I powered on. ‘Where do you stand in all this, Phoenix? What happens – Lincoln and I both die and you go on your merry way with Lilith, letting her kill anything and anyone that crosses her path?’
Lincoln ground his jaw together and slammed a fist on the table. ‘Jesus Christ! We are not having this conversation. She is not going in there to be tortured!’
I flinched, but otherwise ignored the outburst. Phoenix shook his head when he saw I was still waiting for his answer.
‘When Lilith finds out what I’ve done, she’ll kill me. I’ll do everything I can to take her with me. I swear it. I thought …’ Remorse filled his eyes. ‘I didn’t expect this to happen It’s not what I wanted.’ He ran a hand around his neck and dropped it back on the table. ‘I expected collateral damage and told myself it wouldn’t matter.’ He huffed. ‘I even let you believe I’d had your friend killed.’
He was talking about Rudyard and at the mention of him both Lincoln and I straightened.
‘I didn’t,’ Phoenix added.
‘But you brought Lilith back,’ Lincoln pushed.
Phoenix nodded. ‘Yes. But killing kids wasn’t ever part of it. Not for me. I’m prepared to give my eternity to put her back in the ground.’
Lincoln glanced at his watch. It had been almost two hours since one of us had patrolled the perimeter.
‘I’ll do it,’ I offered.
He shook his head. ‘No.’ His eyes shot to Phoenix. ‘I can’t be alone with him. I’ll go.’ He stood up, strapped on his dagger and headed out. I followed him to the verandah.
‘Linc?’ I said from behind him. He stopped, reached out and pulled me to him, arms wrapping tightly around me.
‘Don’t ask me to deliver you to her. I can’t,’ he pleaded.
I didn’t respond. And we both knew why. He moved back just as quickly as he’d pulled me to him.
‘I’d better get this patrol done. Back soon.’
He took off into the trees.
I sat down on the steps leading to the lawn and stared out over the river. Phoenix approached from behind, sitting beside me.
‘I heard what you said. About never loving me.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were listening.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s not like it was news, anyway. I’ve felt enough from you to know you could’ve loved me, though, that you came close, even. Maybe, if I hadn’t destroyed everything Maybe, if you’d given me a chance to explain …’
‘Did you know what would happen after we were together?’ I asked, finally deciding I was ready to hear it, ready to know if he had planned it all – sleeping with me and forming the connection that led to Joel and Onyx first attacking me.
‘No. And yes. I felt it happening while we were together. I could’ve stopped but I couldn’t at the same time. There’s a part of me made by darkness that’s inherent in me and fundamental to my existence – I can’t deny that. With you, when we first met, I tried.’ He shook his head, lost in memories. ‘So. Damn. Hard. I wanted to be everything you deserved and I wanted it for me too, but, when we were together that night, I was so drunk on you I knew the right thing to do but I let the darkness take over. It’s not an excuse but you have to understand–’
I cut him off. ‘It’s your nature.’