When Phoenix pulled back from me, his eyes were different. Somehow they seemed renewed, reflecting something of the old him that made me smile. I wondered fleetingly, if in another time, another place, the three of us could have been friends.
Probably not.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
‘You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day.”
Psalm 91:5
The water pelted down, hot and fast and I relished the extreme sensation.
My life was officially on the clock.
I would never see Dad again. I would never hang out with Steph or joke around with Spence. I’d never paint another canvas.
And yet, despite all of this, like Phoenix, a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Did that make me terrible?
Perhaps.
Nonetheless I was relieved to know I’d make a difference – for the better. Tomorrow night I would save innocent lives, children who would one day grow up to become warriors. This would be my death. It had to count as one of the better ways to die.
Scared?
I was petrified. But it wouldn’t help to fall apart – there simply was not enough time.
I thought back to when Uri had first spoken to me, when I had embraced – he’d said ‘Even the greatest bringers of justice will only find salvation in surrender.’
This must be what he’d meant.
A shame he hadn’t seen fit to enlighten me with that one crucial detail: that surrender would lead to a gruesome death.
I felt the first prickle of a tear. I held it back. But the thoughts kept coming.
Everything we’ve done – all for nothing.
Lilith would survive us, and Phoenix would be left to destroy her, something that would not be done easily.
But what other option is there?
Not one of us could stand by and let so many children be slaughtered. Lilith had played a masterful hand.
I braced my hand against the shower wall. I half expected to break down, but I didn’t. Instead, breathing deeply, I withdrew to that place I had learned to go a long time ago, the one that forced me to stand strong, that had helped me survive the attack when I was younger. I hadn’t let that teacher break me, nor would I let Lilith.
I don’t run. I don’t quit. I don’t believe in fairy-tale endings.
I will face Lilith.
The time for falling apart was over. The time for contemplating Heaven and Hell and which one favoured me was over, too. I wasn’t going to be one of those people who dropped to their knees in the final stretch when it had never before seemed a logical idea.
Standing there under the shower, my thoughts travelled to Lincoln and I broke into a fit of bitter giggles. After all that we had done to stay away from each other. Fighting the very core of our souls that demanded closeness which we only denied, denied, denied. It seemed crazy now that we’d actually considered it a possibility to live our long lives side by side in such a ridiculous pattern of partnership but not as the soulmates we really were.
Who were we kidding?
Now, ironically – life’s last bitch-slap – we were going to die anyway.
Sure, we could call in Griffin and the cavalry, but at what cost? Lilith would no doubt kill the children and our lives were not worth that risk. We were Grigori. We were warriors. It was our duty.
But then, something else clicked in my mind. The rambling thoughts and the tears stopped and I blinked. I’d missed something.
Phoenix’s words – You’d be best off if you considered every way to make yourself as powerful as possible before then – and the difficulty with which he’d delivered them.
‘Oh my God,’ I whispered. ‘We’re both going to die.’
The air left my lungs and I grasped hold of the taps to stop myself from falling to my knees.
There is absolutely no reason for us not to be together.
In fact, for the first time, everything was in favour of Lincoln’s soul being bonded to mine. The power it would give us, the ability to share our strengths and healing. It would give me more time, which equalled more children. And afterwards … Lincoln wouldn’t have to consciously endure the torment of his own execution.
All the risks of causing each other pain and hurt, all the dread of awful consequences vanished.
We were free.
Tomorrow, we will die.
But not tonight.
I smiled as bittersweet relief filled my soul.
Then I shaved my legs.
I’d been in the shower for so long that by the time I emerged, Lincoln was back from dropping off Phoenix and I could hear him moving around downstairs. I threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, wishing I had something more … But I didn’t.
I took my time, excited to find my hairdryer along with my toiletries bag. Zoe had obviously packed for me.
It was dark outside when I finally emerged from my bedroom. I headed down the hall and gasped when I reached the top of the stairs. The lights were off and dozens of tea-light candles lined the path down. Soft music that I didn’t recognise drifted up from below. It was an old instrumental piece, something Lincoln must have found in the cabin. Known or not, it would remain my favourite song. For eternity.