Duncan glanced at Pam who wore a sad expression on her face. “Hey.” He tilted her face to his. “What are you so deep in thought about?”
Pam gave him a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Nothing really,” she lied, but how could she tell him that she may never be able to have a close relationship with him like Damon and Jared had with Nicole and Tessa. She had also seen him watching the couples with a wanting expression. “Just tired I guess.”
Duncan helped her off the stool she was sitting on. “Come on. Let’s go so you can get some rest.”
They both said goodbye to Damon and Nicole who halfheartedly said goodbye. They were too into each other to notice anything else.
Chapter 12
Pam woke with a start. Her head snapped to the chair finding it empty. Relief and panic hit her. Relief that Duncan wasn’t sitting there watching her sleep, but panic that she was alone. She woke many times during the night having to go to the bathroom and he had sat with his head leaned back, but his eyes would search hers making sure she was okay. Night also seemed to be the favorite time for the baby to move around. Sleeping, eating, and peeing seemed to be what her life revolved around now.
Coming out of the bathroom, her stomach growled. She was hungry. Biting her lip, she glanced at the door wondering if she could just run and get a light snack. Slipping on a pair of her new maternity pants and shirt, she snuck out of her room barefoot.
Seeing a light on in the kitchen and dining area, Pam thought about going back to her room, but her stomach growled again making her decision for her. Walking in, she saw Tessa sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal, reading.
“Hey,” Pam said quietly not wanting to startle her.
Tessa looked up and smiled putting her book down. “The baby demanding food?”
“Yeah. Care if I join you?” Pam walked further into the room.
“Not at all.” Tessa smiled. “I’m bored out of my mind. Jared is helping Duncan with something, so I decided to come in and eat, which is a big no-no for me this late at night.”
Grabbing a box of cereal, Pam poured herself a bowl then sat across from Tessa. “What are you reading?”
Tessa snorted. “My Vampire Lover.” She waggled her eyebrows. “I’ll let you borrow it when I’m finished.”
Pam glanced at the book then into her bowl. “Does Jared know you read that stuff?”
“Yes.” Tessa giggled. “He thinks it’s funny, but let me tell you, he proves to me that the vampires in my books are ‘big pussies who wouldn’t know how to make a woman scream in pleasure if they tried.’” Tessa’s voice lowered copying Jared’s tone.
“Good impression,” Pam smiled.
“Thanks.” Tessa grinned back, and then her eyes turned serious. “How are you doing?”
Now wasn’t that a loaded question. “Fine…I think,” Pam replied honestly. “One minute I’m fine, and then the next I’m…hell, I don’t know what I am.” Her appetite gone, she pushed her half-eaten bowl away.
“It takes time, Pam.” Tessa’s eyes were full of understanding. “Give yourself a break. I honestly think you’re doing great, but you’re going to have moments.”
Pam nodded, having had a few moments already. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.” Tessa leaned up, ready to listen and help anyway she could.
“Were you able to have…you know?”
Tessa sat for a minute staring at her, trying to understand. “Sex?”
Again, Pam nodded. “Yeah.”
“I wasn’t sexually abused.” Tessa frowned.
“Oh.” Feeling uncomfortable, Pam pushed away from the table. “Well, thanks for the cereal. Guess I’ll be getting back. I’m feeling really tired.”
“Don’t go.” Tessa reached across the table. “And please don’t be embarrassed. I know you don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, and I want to help you. Even though I wasn’t sexually abused, I was abused. I know the feelings. Being around these Warriors has been a true test for me at times. Their tempers soar and they get so loud that I have to remind myself they would never hurt me. Jared has seen me react sometimes, but he understands that it’s something I still have to deal with and probably will for the rest of my life.”
“What if I can’t do this?” Pam looked toward the door. “What if I can’t be woman enough for him?”
Tessa crossed her arms leaning back in her chair. “Have you tried to do anything with Duncan yet?”
“No, not really. I mean we kissed…” Pam frowned, “kind of. It wasn’t anything crazy.”
“And?” Tessa urged.
“It was nice.”
“You didn’t freak out?”
“No.” Pam smiled. “I didn’t freak out.”
“Do you find the thought of having sex with Duncan disgusting, terrifying, a total turnoff?” Tessa grinned when Pam’s cheeks reddened.