This Star Won't Go Out

That’s not what I was speaking of. I was speaking of how good of a smiley artist I was, and I WAS going to go on to say I have great facial expressions, but now I don’t think I will. : (

Now I’d like to say thanks. Seriously. Serious thanks. Thank you, Mom, for being my mom. When you’re with me, I feel peaceful, and when you take charge I know my needs are met. You put up with more than any woman should—ever. You are my friend, my mom, my inspiration, when I’m sad, your hug reminds me I’m not alone. You make me feel better. When we chill (and also known as hang out), and laugh at that, “I love you more. No I love you more, because I gave you medicine!” commercial or watch HGTV I feel happy! <3 Thank you for watching out for me and telling doctors and pulmonologists to go away! You are so kind, and your genuity (is that a word?) is inspirational. If one day I grow up, I hope to be like you. I completely love you! Thank you, for everything. Dad, thank you for being my dad. You are my favorite person to talk to about odd studies or when I have questions about big stuff. Your laugh is contagious and your jokes sometimes make me laugh along. : ) If I feel restless or slightly confused, your presence gives me back my senses. You are such a good listener and a great friend. I love you for all that you do, thank you.

You two are raising me, (and have so far raised me) very well, and with this whole cancer thing you’ve been amazing. I know without you both I would not feel as good as I can. And even through my struggles you stick with me through everything. I just want you to know you’re not only my “parents” but my rocks. God is the reason I’m surviving, but he’s sure used you in my life wonderfully. I love you. I wish there was a less sappy way to say it, but I do. I just love you. Thank you.

You two are amazing.

What is this, she’s not done?!?! AHHHHHHH!

Oh no, you have created a daughter with an extremely strong hand that can write useless information for PAGES!! AND PAGES!! Nah, this page and maybe more (I don’t know how much I’m going to write yet, you see.) are just random thoughts I have during the day I’ll jot down. Maybe doodles. Who knows? . . . I can be deep, or not so deep. You’ll see. (just for the record, the following words are MAINLY pointless . . . )

It’s CHRISTMAS! Happy Christmas! Can you believe 3 years ago we had Christmas in . . . where was it? Let’s see, last Christmas was Quincy, before that was France, before that was Germany, before that Plymouth, and on, and on . . . Hey look at the spiffy thing below that “S”!




A= 1959. Wayne Eugene Earl II is born.

B= 1963. Lori Lanei Krake is born.

C= 1984. Wayne and Lori get married.

D= 1989. Abigail Cherisse Earl is born.

E= 1991. Evangeline Danei Earl is born.

F= 1994. Esther Grace Earl is born. <- me!

G= 1996. Graham Kenneth Earl is born.

H= 2003. Abraham Judson Earl is born.

I= 2005. Earls move to Albertville.

J= 2006. move to Aix/Marseille.

J2= 2006. Esther’s diagnosed <-: O

K= 2007. Move to U.S.A.!

L= 2008. LOTS OF STUFF <- zzzz.


If you don’t mind, I think I’ll say something “deep,” also know as “serious.” haha. : )

In Jon and Kate’s book Multiple Blessings, they talk about the hard stuff they’ve gone and still go through, and how they were hopeless many times, and helpless. I think we of all people know what helpless feels like, (think Fuveau, when we had that week of eating only beans?) and I don’t know about you but I’ve lost hope quite a few times. When I lose hope, and feel like there’s nothing I can do, I basically just bawl!

Yep, I bawl. And sob. And talk to God. And while I’m talking to Him I usually stop feeling that way. But sometimes, like today for instance, I felt like I was on the verge of tears and I felt like everything negative was directed toward me. Which it wasn’t, but that’s how I feel when I’m in those “zones.” But I was saying, today I was in those “zones” and I was sad and slightly angry, and finally after praying and taking a breather, I’m feeling better. So it’s good. : )

As I was saying (before the previous page ripped and had to be trimmed), Multiple Blessings talks of the Gosselins’ hardships and ALSO their . . . easyships . . . haha, what I mean is [it] also talks of all that God provides and their faith in Him. The stories of their faith really inspire me, and the last chapter really made me thank God more, and feel less helpless. That last chapter includes 6 things to remember when feeling slightly . . . agitated.