The Wonder of Your Love

Fourteen




CHRISTMAS CAME AND WENT, AND AMID THE FESTIVITIES Katie Ann missed Eli more than ever. It was a blessing to be able to share her first Christmas with Jonas, but she found herself quietly weeping at times. Sometimes because she missed Eli, and other times . . . because she still missed Ivan. Not so much the man as the memories from their early years. But every time her thoughts drifted to Ivan, they quickly shifted back to Eli, and it was Eli she wished were there to witness all Jonas’s firsts. At four months Jonas was making a new sound, a gurgle when he smiled, and Katie Ann thought it was the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Eli would love it.

Lucy had written to say that she’d given birth to a boy and named him Benjamin. He was born very tiny, but healthy. Katie Ann found it strange that Lucy would write to her at all, until she got to the end of the letter—the part where Lucy asked if she’d heard anything about the house she thought Ivan had built or bought. Katie Ann didn’t write her back.

Eli still called her, but Katie Ann could feel him pulling back on the friendship. Perhaps he had sensed that Katie Ann cared about him more than just as a friend. Or maybe she just shouldn’t have trusted her heart to any man. But each time that notion reared, she’d remember how she and Eli had defined the terms of their relationship early on. So was it really rational to blame him because she allowed herself to get too close?

Either way, Eli was in Florida. He’d left a week after Christmas, with plans to stay until he felt like going home. In the past two weeks, she’d only heard from him twice. In fairness, Katie Ann had his cell phone number, and she could have called him. During his first call, he’d described the beach to her and said that he wished he would have come during the summer, but how the temperatures were still much milder than in Ohio this time of year. He’d read three books, done some sightseeing, and eaten at some fine restaurants.

Katie Ann told him how her inventory of homemade items was growing and how she’d talked to several shops in Monte Vista about taking her things on consignment.

And Eli always asked about Jonas. And if Katie Ann needed anything.

She needed him. But she always said that she and Jonas were fine.

Tonight she was waiting for Martha to arrive for their Saturday night meal together. Arnold wouldn’t be moving back to Canaan for another week. Martha promised Katie Ann that nothing would change, but Katie Ann knew some things would change, as they should. She hoped that Martha and Arnold would get married. But every time she mentioned it to Martha, her friend changed the subject.

“I’m so tired of this cold weather.” Martha walked into the living room, handed a pan of chicken lasagna to Katie Ann, and peeled off her coat, hat, and gloves. After taking a deep breath, she hung her purse on the rack by the door and said, “Now, where’s my baby?”

Katie Ann nodded toward Jonas’s room. “He’s already asleep, but go peek in on him if you’d like.”

Martha rounded the corner, and Katie Ann could hear her talking softly. A few minutes later she came into the kitchen where Katie Ann was setting the table. She plopped down in a kitchen chair. “You know, I think I might be losing my mind.”

Katie Ann grinned. “Why is that?”

“I’m forgetful.” She scratched her head. “I mean, I’m forgetting where I put things.”

Katie Ann put two glasses on the table and filled them with tea. “That doesn’t mean you’re losing your mind.”

Martha grunted. “Well, it sure feels like it.” She leaned back in her chair and pointed to the chicken lasagna. “I was sure I bought a loaf of garlic bread to go with that lasagna, but I can’t find it anywhere.”

“No worries.” Katie Ann put a loaf of her own homemade bread on the table. “I always have plenty of bread.”

“That’s not the point.” She looked down at her hands. “I’ve also misplaced my jasmine vanilla lotion that I like so much.”

Katie Ann took a seat across from Martha, and they both bowed their heads in silent prayer. Afterward, Martha scooped a large portion of lasagna onto her plate while Katie Ann helped herself to a piece of butter bread.

“I forget where I put things too.” Katie Ann spread some rhubarb jam on her bread. “Especially my reading glasses.”

Martha just shook her head as she chewed her food.

“Are you excited about Arnold moving into a house so close to yours?”

“Well, I’d be more excited if I could remember which day he was coming.” She lifted her hands in the air. “See what I mean? He told me, but I can’t remember. Something as important as that, and I can’t remember if it’s next Thursday or Friday.” She took another bite and shook her head again.

“Just ask him again.”

Martha twisted her mouth into a frown. “You haven’t mentioned much about Eli lately. The two of you still writing letters?”

Katie Ann shrugged. They’d quit writing letters after Eli gave her the phone. “We talk on the phone, but he’s in Florida right now.”

Martha tapped her fork to the plate. “I just don’t know what to think about the two of you.”

“There’s nothing to think about. I’ve told you over and over again . . . we’re just friends.”

“That man ever kissed you?” Martha glared at Katie Ann.

“Martha! That is not an appropriate question to ask.” She avoided Martha’s cool stare and focused on her plate.

“Well, you didn’t deny it, so I’m assuming he has.”

Katie Ann looked up to see Martha grinning. Katie Ann couldn’t help grinning back.

“See, you’re smiling. You’ve done some smooching, huh?”

Katie Ann stood up from the table and carried her plate to the sink. “I’m not discussing this with you.”

Not only was it inappropriate to discuss such a thing with Martha, but Katie Ann had been training her mind not to think about those kisses with Eli. It was easier that way. Just then her cell phone rang on the kitchen counter. Katie Ann ignored it.

“Aren’t you going to get that?”

Katie Ann started to run hot water in the kitchen sink, and although adrenaline shot through her body, she just shrugged.

“No. I’m spending time with you.”

Martha cackled. “Don’t you dare let me interfere with your love life.”

Katie Ann began to clear the dishes from the table. “I don’t have a love life.” She bit her bottom lip as she walked back to the sink. The phone rang again.

“Well, that’s your fault.”

Katie Ann spun around in time to see Martha raise her chin, so Katie Ann shot her a twisted smile. “Really? My fault?”

“Yep. That Eli would be a great catch, but you’re afraid to let yourself be happy.”

Martha huffed, and Katie Ann wanted to tell Martha she didn’t know what she was talking about, but she was pretty sure she couldn’t do that without crying. She kept her head down as she washed the dishes, hoping Martha would be quiet about it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her friend get up and put the jams in the refrigerator.

“Don’t you think our little Jonas needs a father? And what about you? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t like to have a man to help you out around here.”

Katie Ann stayed quiet as Martha shuffled around the kitchen, clearing other items from the table.

“And if you’re still mourning that husband of yours—”

“I’m not,” Katie Ann interrupted as she slammed a rinsed dish into the drain rack.

“I’m just sayin’ that you should give Eli a chance. That’s all.” Martha walked up beside her and started to dry the dishes.

Katie Ann kept her head down as she chewed on her bottom lip. Please let it go, Martha.

“And one more thing . . .” Martha placed a dried dish in the cabinet as Katie Ann braced herself. “Don’t you let what that husband of yours did keep you from loving again, because—”

“Martha, stop it! I love Eli. I love him so much it hurts.” Katie Ann covered her face with her hands as she cried.

A moment later Martha was rubbing her back, and they were both quiet for a while. Then Martha spoke softly. “Honey, why didn’t you tell me this?”

Katie Ann turned to Martha, then fell into her arms and sobbed, letting go of all the emotion she had built up where Eli was concerned. “Because I can’t have him . . .”


ELI HIT END on the cell phone as he walked to the balcony of his fancy hotel, feeling a bit guilty about the luxury he’d allowed himself for this trip. As much as he’d looked forward to some time alone, the sightseeing, and a new place—it just wasn’t all he’d imagined. He’d spent his life working the land, raising kinner, and always having someone to take care of. Had he thought of those things as burdens at the time?

He stared out at the ocean as the cool wind threatened to pull his hat off, and he thought about his life. When had he been the happiest? Not a full second passed before he knew. When he was working the land, raising kinner, and having someone to take care of. As he contemplated why he’d looked forward to this time in his life, he supposed it was because these things seemed appealing at a time when they were not within reach. Now he could do anything he wanted. And all he wanted to do was go home.

Three hours later he was on a plane back to Middlefield, with more time to think. The bishop had agreed to Eli’s request to fly to Florida and back, just as he had agreed to let him go see Katie Ann. But now Eli wondered if he was abusing the bishop’s leniency.

As the plane prepared to take off, his thoughts drifted to Katie Ann. He’d tried again to call her from the airport, but she hadn’t answered. Maybe she wasn’t home or near the phone.

Or maybe she didn’t want to talk to him. He hadn’t called her much the past couple of weeks, and their conversations were shorter these days.

Eli had wondered if—even hoped that—distance and time would help him stop thinking about her so much. Maybe once he got home and things returned to normal, he would.

He couldn’t help but wonder if his children were right—that it just wasn’t normal for an Amish man to travel and shirk responsibility. But even when he considered a new path, one that possibly included Katie Ann, he knew he could never leave his family in Middlefield. He had never been more than a few miles from his children until recently.

He leaned his head back against the seat, closed his eyes, and tried to sleep, but Katie Ann’s face was all he could see. She was her most beautiful when she was tending to Jonas, but she was a nurturing person by nature. The tender way she handled Eli, both in conversation and in touch, calmed his mind and soothed his soul. As was his duty, he’d provided for his family, but he’d also been caregiver for the children for many years after

Sarah died. A man should be strong and capable at all times, but with Katie Ann, he felt like he could let his guard down a little. And in return, he wanted to take care of her in every way.

Eli knew he couldn’t leave his family. And it wasn’t right to ask Katie Ann to leave the life she’d built in Canaan. And what about his plans to travel? What about loyalty to Sarah? His thoughts spiraled as they so often did recently. He just didn’t see how it could work with Katie Ann.

But he wasn’t sure he would ever stop thinking about her.


KATIE ANN HELD Jonas in her arms until long after he was asleep, enjoying the comfort of the one constant in her life. Her baby boy, who filled her with a love more profound than anything she’d ever known. Even when she’d heard the cell phone ringing for the second time today, she’d just sat holding Jonas, hoping the noise wouldn’t wake him. Of course it was Eli. But her heart was hurting, and she wanted to blame him for that. Rationally, it wasn’t fair, but over the past couple of months, she’d grown to love him in a way that was confusing.

It was late when she finally put Jonas in his bed, and after a hot bath she crawled into her bed, snuffing out the lantern before she tucked herself in. Loneliness settled in, the way it always did this time of night. She regretted that she’d let her emotions get the best of her in front of Martha, but it had felt good to just cry in her arms. Now she didn’t feel like she had any tears left, nor did she feel like she could sleep. It was probably fifteen minutes later when she heard the phone ringing on the kitchen counter. Twice she’d ignored Eli’s calls, and for him to be calling this late at night now made her wonder if there was an emergency. She leaped from bed and stumbled in the dark to the kitchen. A haze of moonlight lit the kitchen enough for her to locate the phone, but it wasn’t ringing anymore. She carried the phone back to the bedroom with her, crawled into bed, and kept it in her hand as she wondered whether or not she should call him back. After a few minutes, she dialed his number.

“I miss you,” Eli said before even saying hello. “I miss you so much I can’t stand it.”

She’d been wrong to think she had no more tears left.

Instantly her cheeks were wet as she responded. “I miss you too.”

“I’ve been calling, and I . . .”

She could hear him take a deep breath.

“I’m back in Middlefield.”

“What?” She tried to control the shakiness of her voice. “I thought you were going to stay in Florida longer.”

“I was. But I just wanted to go home.”

Katie Ann bit her bottom lip. “Oh.”

There was an awkward silence for a few moments.

“Katie Ann?”

The way he said her name caused her to hold her breath for a moment. “Ya?”

“What am I doing?”

“What do you mean?”

He waited a moment before he spoke. “I’m a middle-aged Amish man who dreamed for years about an independent life.

And now . . .”

Katie Ann sat up in bed. “What is it, Eli?”

“Those dreams just don’t seem important anymore.”

One of the things that Katie Ann loved about Eli was his joyful spirit. She’d never heard him sound so sad. “What do you want?” She closed her eyes, fearful of his answer.

“I don’t know.”

Another tear spilled down her cheek. What had she been hoping for? That he would say he loved her and wanted a life with her? It was too much to wish for, and anger quickly started to replace the hurt she felt. “I’m sorry your trip didn’t go as you’d planned.”

She knew her words were clipped, and as she raised her chin in the darkness, she knew that she was going to have to distance herself from Eli. She’d thought she could be happy with her best friend, but she needed more, and Eli sounded like a lost puppy. He didn’t know what he wanted, and in truth, Katie Ann wasn’t sure what she wanted either. She’d opened her heart to him, trusted again, and now . . .

“My life is here in Ohio, not out running around like I’m ab im kopp.”

She pulled the phone away for a moment, took a deep breath, and tried not to sound like a woman on the edge. “I don’t think you’re crazy, Eli.”

“I feel like it.”

Katie Ann knew what she’d signed on for, and she knew that a friend should offer a sympathetic ear, but just hearing Eli’s voice made her long to be with him. “It’s late, Eli. I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow.” She closed her eyes, knowing her own emotions were putting limitations on her ability to soothe Eli’s troubled heart.

Silence, until Katie Ann finally asked, “Eli, are you still there?”

“Ya.”

More silence followed.

“Katie Ann . . .” He paused. “Can I come visit you?”

She put her hand over her mouth for a moment to keep from gushing in an inappropriate way. After composing herself, she said, “That would be nice.”

“I have to take care of some things here, but what about next week?”

“I’d like that.”

After they hung up, her heart fluttered like that of a young girl. Any decision she’d previously made to distance herself from Eli seemed as far away as he was. She couldn’t wait to see him.


MARTHA EASED INTO her recliner late that evening, her heart heavy for Katie Ann. She should have known the girl’s heart couldn’t hold up to the boundaries she and Eli had set, and she wondered how Eli truly felt about her friend. She was tempted to find out, but Katie Ann would have her hide if she interfered in her business. Of course, Katie Ann had certainly interfered in Martha’s business by calling Arnold. But Arnold would be coming home, and Martha was giddy as a schoolgirl about that. She sure wished Katie Ann’s future looked brighter in the romance department.

She remembered the coffee cake she’d brought home from the bakery in Monte Vista yesterday. A slice of cake and some hot tea sounded like heaven right now. As she shuffled to the kitchen, she wondered if Arnold was going to ask her to marry him. Seemed the logical next step. She twisted her mouth back and forth, knowing she was mighty set in her ways. But she sure did love Arnold.

Scanning the countertop, she put her hands on her hips. Where is that cake? Finally she spotted it at the far end of the counter. She peeled back the foil and frowned. There was a large chunk missing that hadn’t been missing before. She was sure of it. Or was she?

She scratched her head. Is this what old age is like, Lord?

She sliced herself a small piece and put it on a plate, then brewed a cup of tea. Once she was back in her recliner, she was wishing she had a nice fire in the fireplace, but that just seemed like too much work. She clicked on the television, put her feet on her ottoman, and savored the delicious coffee cake.

“Reruns. All reruns.” She flipped between channels on the television, finally settling on an old John Wayne movie that was nearing the end. She had twenty good minutes of television before the movie ended, and after another round of channel changing, she turned the TV off. Too early to go to bed, but her eyes were heavy. Leaning her head back against the chair, she knew she needed to get to her bedroom before she fell asleep in the recliner. Suddenly, a noise upstairs caused her eyes to bolt open and sent a chill up her spine. She held her breath, trying to identify what she’d heard. Had something fallen over?

Her heart thumped, and she stared at the ceiling as her eyes followed the sound above her head. She recalled the time a squirrel had tried to take possession of her upstairs. She’d had to call David to come get the furry creature outside again. But this sounded larger. Maybe a raccoon. And she knew raccoons could be mean little fellows.

She eased out of her chair, quiet as a mouse, then tiptoed to the kitchen. Once she’d located the broom, she headed toward the stairs, armed and ready to meet her intruder. But when she flung the door open to her extra bedroom and flipped the light switch, she screamed at the top of her lungs.

And so did Danielle.