Knotted Roots

Chapter SIXTEEN



I intended to spend my night in my room, curled up with a good book, but Grandma insisted on all of us hanging out downstairs. I tried to get out of it, feigning a massive headache, but she wasn’t having any of that. I didn’t want to spend my night with her and Brian, or the awkward conversations that were sure to occur.

Brian didn’t seem too happy about the arrangement either, but stayed quiet about it as well. When Grandma finally decided to go to bed I was relieved. We could stop acting like we were enjoying ourselves and go our separate ways. As she was walking out of the room she stopped in the wide doorway and looked at both of us.

“This may be a silly suggestion, but it might be helpful for you two to talk,” she said with a smile. She turned and left the room. When I looked over at Brian he was looking at me with one eyebrow cocked up at me.

“What?” I asked, pushing my body deeper into the plush sofa.

“I think we’ve been set up,” he replied. He leaned forward and put his book on the coffee table that separated us.

“She’s a sneaky old bat,” I replied with a laugh.

“That she is. She’s been doing this since I was a kid. Must be ingrained in her,” he said as he laughed along with me. His words caught me off guard. Since he was a kid? I felt that anger and hurt towards her again. She had been there for him, in some shape or form, since he was young, and yet she couldn’t bother to be there for me.

“I wouldn’t know,” I replied as I hugged my stomach tightly.

“I know you don’t believe it, but she does love you. Do you know how many times Chase and I heard about you over the years? ‘Roxanne got straight A’s’ or ‘Roxanne made the cheerleading squad.’ You were always front and center for her.”

“I call shenanigans on that one. If she gave a damn about me she would have been there. She wasn’t.” I stood up and walked to the window. The darkness surrounding us made me feel more alone.

“There are different sides to every story. You just have to be willing to dig for them.” His voice was closer than before, and when I turned around, he was standing right behind me. His gaze was locked on the window as well, so I returned my attention to the darkness.

“Why are you here Brian? The real answer, please.”

“I needed a night away. Things at the house are...rough...right now.”

I looked at him, really taking in his appearance, and finally noticed the dark purple bruises under his eyes. He looked completely worn out. The last time I saw him he hadn’t looked this bad and it worried me.

“Are you and Chase fighting?” I asked nervously. I didn’t want to bring him into the conversation, but it seemed inevitable.

He laughed and rubbed his chin before looking at me. “It’s more complicated than that. We haven’t stopped fighting since...”

“Your dad?”

“He told you about that?” The anger in his eyes flared and disappeared quickly.

“He told me what happened. And how he blames himself for what happened. But he didn’t tell me about you. About how you handled everything.”

“I didn’t. That’s the problem. And neither did Mom. She is nothing like she was back then. She barely comes out of her room these days,” he replied. He walked back over to the couch and sat down before continuing. “Chase swears that she’ll get past it. Get back to normal. But I doubt it. And Chase...he says he’s dealing with it. But he’s hiding so much from everyone. It’s killing me to be in that house.”

I had no idea what to say. Brian was baring his soul to me and all I could do was stare at him. I really was socially inept. I walked over and sat down beside him on the couch. I had no words for him, but I knew the power of a hug. They always made me feel better when life got to be too much. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his body stiffen under my touch. He finally relaxed and leaned against me, burying his face in my shoulder.

We stayed that way for a long time. No words were needed between us, the communication being made by our bodies. When he finally moved away his face was red and splotchy from crying. My shoulder was soaked as well, but I wasn’t concerned about it. I smiled at him, but the look on his face caught me off guard. His attention was focused behind me and his face had lost all of its color. I turned around to see what had affected him like that and gasped.

“Seems you move on rather quickly,” said Chase as he stood in the doorway, his hands shoved deep into his pockets.

“It’s not even like-” began Brian, but I put my hand up to stop him. I rose from the couch and walked over to where Chase stood.

“What are you doing here Chase?” I whispered my question, afraid of what his answer would be. When I looked into his eyes they were swirling with pain. Sure, he looked angry as well, but that was only on the surface.

“I came by to talk to you. Which was probably a bad idea to begin with,” he replied as he slowly backed away from me.

“You’re right. It was a bad idea. But it seems this whole summer has been built on bad ideas, so why stop now?”

“You’re impossible to talk to. Do you know that?” he asked as he looked over my shoulder at his brother. “And what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at Jenn’s tonight?”

Jenn’s? Brian? I turned around to ask him, but the look of panic on his face told me everything I needed to know. No wonder Jenn had been at their house that night. I felt like such a complete idiot. I stalked back into the room and stood in front of him. At least he had the good sense to look guilty.

“You and Jenn...are dating?” I asked as I felt the bile rise up in my throat.

“Sort of. I guess.”

I turned away to find Chase. He was still standing in the doorway, his eyes fixed on me. “She was there to see Brian.” He nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“When? When did you give me the chance? You automatically believed everything she said. By the time I found out what you were upset about...I didn’t see the point in telling you.” Chase walked over to the couch I had occupied earlier and sat down. “Would you have listened, even if I did tell you?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know!” I whirled around on Brian. “You should have told me. I know you knew what was going on. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Whoa,” Brian raised his hands in front of him and sat back. “I didn’t want any part of y’all’s fight. I didn’t find out what Jenn had done until a few days ago. That’s why I didn’t want to go to her house tonight.”

“You knew?” Chase growled, violently shoving himself to his feet and taking a quick step toward Brian. I quickly put myself between the two of them, pushing back on Chase’s chest. “You shit! I’ve been miserable!” He tried to go after him again, but I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him flush against me. He tried to shake me off, and would have if our feet hadn’t become entangled. Instead of rushing at his brother, we both hit the floor. Hard. I felt the air whoosh out of my lungs as my body was pressed between Chase and the unmoving floor.

I tried to push him off, but he was too big for me to move. He raised himself off and stood up, holding a hand out to help me up. “Are you okay?” He didn’t release my hand, instead molding his palm to mine.

“I’m fine. Really,” I said as I stood in front of him, our eyes locked together.

“You two just need to make out and get it over with,” said Brian from behind me. He stood up and walked to the door.

“This isn’t over Brian,” called out Chase as he tried to pull away from me to follow his brother.

Brian turned to him, a big smile on his face. “You have better things to worry about tonight.” He nodded at me and left the room.



* * * *



“So...Jenn and Brian? Didn’t see that one coming,” I said as I rocked back and forth on the balls of my feet.

“I doubt he did either,” he said. “He could do better than her. If he didn’t act like such an ass all the time.”

“I don’t think he’s an ass,” I replied with a smile. He frowned as he looked at me. “Don’t give me that look. There’s nothing going on.”

“Didn’t say a word,” he replied with a smile.

His smile turned my insides to mush. There was something so carefree about him, and yet he held so much pain inside. I wanted to wipe away every bad thing that he had gone through. I wanted to be the one to bring him back from that edge he was teetering on. Yet, I didn’t know how to proceed. We had been through so much in such a short time. Bumps were normal for new relationships. But these were more than simple bumps. And we hadn’t actually gotten to the point of a serious relationship, had we?

“What do we do now?” I asked, meeting his eyes from a short distance away.

“I have no idea. This whole thing seems to be falling down around us every time one of us makes a step. I’m wondering if it’s even worth it,” he replied, his jaw tense.

I was shocked by his words. He had tried for so long to convince me that we should give “us” a chance, and now he wanted to back out? I couldn’t bring myself to fight with him anymore.

“You’re probably right,” I replied. “This was doomed from the start.”

I couldn’t meet his eyes as I crossed the room towards him. I nodded my head as I passed by him, making my way out of the room. My heart felt like it was being crushed into tiny bits with each step I took. I had opened myself up, and wouldn’t you know,

I got knocked down again. This roller coaster ride of emotions was too much to deal with. Besides, he deserved someone better than me. Anyone.

“Friends?” he asked, his eyes searching mine.

“Friends,” I said as I left him standing there. It hurt like hell to walk away, but if he didn’t want this anymore, there was no way I would beg. I’d rather take the heart ache and nights filled with tears than have him look at me with pity as I groveled at his feet. This is for the best. Right?