Max looked hurt.
“When I think of the past, I reminisce about us and smile. When I think of the future, the only person I see is Jake. I’m sorry, but I have to say no to your proposal. My big regret is that I didn’t tell you this back in Arizona.”
“Em, think about it some more. You and I loved each other deeply for four years. It can’t be over for us. I know I haven’t been fair to you. I understand now what you meant when you told me the other day that you always thought you loved me more than I loved you. I never fully showed you how I felt. I didn’t think I needed to. I just assumed you knew. Truly, my love for you was over and abundant. Let me show you this love, now and for the rest of our lives. Please, reconsider.”
“Max. Not to make you feel any worse, but I wish you had told me and shown me these feelings when we were in college. I would have been a lot less paranoid.” Max gave me a regretful smile. I accepted this as an apology.
“I don’t think you love me anymore either, not in that way. Jake brought out a jealous side of you. I was jealous too when I first saw you with Jennifer. It’s only natural.”
Max tried to argue with me, but I didn’t let him continue.
“I think both of us couldn’t let go of the thought of being in love with each other. And I’m happy I got to share such a special bond with you. I can’t marry you, but I’d still like for us to stay good friends. Would you be OK with that? I really missed you, and I need your friendship more than anything right now.”
I moved over and hugged him.
“I don’t know, Em. You might have moved on, but I’m still where we left off two years ago. I guess your friendship will do for now. It feels weird to finally have this all out in the open.”
“I know, I feel weird too. We finally have closure. We should have done this a long time ago.” I sighed.
“Wait, so tell me about Jake. You two aren’t together anymore? Why did he leave you stranded in Arizona?”
I didn’t really want to relive me and Jake. My head felt battered, and my heart felt bruised.
“I think he got tired of my crazy life. If only I had known sooner he was the only man I loved, I wouldn’t be in such a predicament. Only after he left me did I realize this. As for Arizona, he thought I was with you so he didn’t come back for me.” I didn’t know if I truly believed this explanation, but it was the lesser of the two evils—that he didn’t return because he didn’t care anymore.
“So you haven’t spoken with him at all?”
“Well, I actually ran into him in New York this morning. Jane sent me a ticket to come see her, and I left yesterday planning to stay till Monday, until Jake and Nick surprised Jane and showed up at her apartment. We were all in shock. I left, obviously, but got a chance to end everything with Jake in person. He was in a state of shock when I told him that I had waited all day for him. I think he felt really guilty.”
“Well, what did he say when you explained everything?”
“I don’t know. I got into a cab and left.”
“What did you do that for? Weren’t you curious to know what was going on in Jake’s mind?”
“No, I figured he had moved on with his life. I felt like a stalker with all my texts. A big part of me didn’t want to know what he was thinking. It was better not to get hurt again. I’m so done being hurt by you men,” I said pointing my finger at Max.
“Oh, Em. Why do I keep doing this to you? I guess I owe you another apology. Not only did I break your heart the first time, I broke it again by making Jake go away. I’m sorry.” Max leaned in to hug me, but his hug did little to console me.
“It’s not your fault. I created this mess. One good thing came out of this fiasco. Jake’s absence forced me to look at my feelings objectively. My head is clear, even if my heart is mangled. I’ll be OK.”
“Em. I wish I could make everything better for you.”
“I know. I know you care and want to help.” I forced a smile.
The phone rang, relieving my heart of this awkward conversation. It was Sarah. She sounded ecstatic.
“Emily! You’re home! Can Charlie and I come over?”
“Sure. What’s going on?”
“We have exciting news. See you soon.” She hung up immediately.
“What was that all about?”
“Not quite sure. Sarah is excited about who knows what, and she and Charlie are coming over. Maybe they’re finally engaged. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
That really would be wonderful. Sarah had been looking forward to this day since high school. I hoped this was true for her. I couldn’t wish marriage on a better person.