My principal graciously gave me the second semester off and there was no issue getting a visa on such short notice. I bought my plane ticket and to my good fortune, a businesswoman from India wanted to rent my house immediately till the end of summer. That took care of my worries about having to pay my mortgage out of my savings account. Everything fell into place for me to leave. I was also glad that I got a chance to go visit my parents before leaving for my extended trip. I hoped they weren’t too sad at how life turned out for me. I would be OK.
Since all of Jane’s messages went unanswered, this was a loose end I needed to tie up before leaving. I knew I was hurting her the same way her brother hurt me, but I couldn’t call her. If I called and she asked me not to leave for Japan, there was a good chance I’d listen to her and stay. She was not only my dear friend, but also my closest link to Jake. But, she was not Jake, and I couldn’t deviate from my plan. More than anything, I needed to get away and heal myself. Peace became a necessity. Japan would be my place of respite.
It made me sad to leave Jane without a proper explanation, but this was for the best. She would be fine with or without me. She might even be better off if I weren’t around. There was no telling what kind of strife I was causing between the siblings. Tomorrow morning, I would tie up the last loose end and leave for my new life.
Unable to get a good night’s rest, I rose before the sun, packed the rest of my clothes, and sat down to write Jake’s letter. Even though he probably didn’t want to hear from me, I wanted to say good-bye.
January 27
Dear Jake,
I’m sorry we had such an abrupt ending in New York, but it makes me happy to know I saw you one last time. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing you a letter all of a sudden. With much hesitation, I thought it’d only be proper to say good-bye. Since you don’t answer any of my calls, I decided to send you a letter instead.
By the time you get this, I’ll be on my way to Japan. I got a wonderful job teaching English in a small village. My principal was kind enough to let me take off the rest of the year.
Please accept my apologies one last time. You were truly the one person who understood me like my mom and dad. I will miss that sense of belonging. Please thank your family for their kindness toward me. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was part of a family. I will miss that as well. I hope you found the eternity band. I’m sorry I threw it at you in New York. I’m also sorry I kept it so long. That ring made me feel like I was still a part of your life. I know now it was inappropriate to think this way. Although the band couldn’t hold true to its name for us, I hope you will find someone who will wear the ring with confidence, knowing that you two can love each other eternally.
Thank you for loving me. You’ve touched my heart deeply. I take many beautiful memories of us to a foreign place. Be well.
Fondly,
Emi
With the letter sealed in an envelope, Sarah drove me to the hospital so I could drop it off before leaving for LAX. On the way, I also called Max to say good-bye, and I told him that I would write.
Chief Reid’s grin greeted me in the foyer of the hospital. “Emily. What a wonderful surprise!” The chief hugged me.
“Hi, Chief. How have you been?” I asked politely.
“I’m great, now that I see you. Where have you been hiding yourself? I keep asking Jake about you, but he won’t give me a straight answer.”
“Oh, I’ve been around, here and there, but nowhere in particular. Could I ask you for a favor, Chief?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Could you give this to Jake for me?” I asked handing him the envelope.
“Why don’t you come up to OR and hand it to him yourself? He should be out of surgery soon.”
“I’m actually going out of town and have a plane to catch. If you could give this to him, I’d be grateful.”
“Emily, come on up. Jake has been really upset with me for keeping you two apart, he says. You’d help me get back in favor with him if I brought you up to see him. He will be out any minute now.”
Desired. Craved. Longed.
That’s what I’d felt since breaking up with Jake. I followed Chief Reid up to OR like a helpless sheep looking for her shepherd. My mind yelled at me to get out of the elevator and to head straight for the airport, but my heart hoped for another chance with Jake. We got off the third floor and the chief had me wait with one of the nurses while he went to find Jake.
Nervously, I stood at the station. I didn’t know whether it would be better to see Jake and possibly be rejected again or not to see Jake and never know the answer. From down the hall, I saw him looking at a chart, walking my way. He would reach me in seconds, though he had no idea I was standing there. It took all the strength I had not to throw myself at Jake and beg him to love me again. I thought maybe I could persuade him to reconsider our relationship.
Suddenly, I woke up to the reality of no communication for three weeks and our disastrous meeting in New York. He wouldn’t want to see me, and I didn’t need another heartbreak. I left the letter at the nurse’s desk without any explanation, and ran into an open elevator. As it shut, I caught a glimpse of him looking straight at me and the tears fell without warning. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why had I done this to myself again? Why? Trying to regain composure, I stayed in the lobby briefly before going out to see Sarah.