“Stupid enough to believe you when you said you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Stupid enough to trust your words when you told me you would never let me be alone again. Stupid enough to think that the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with wouldn’t abandon me—that after he calmed down—would come back for me. That’s how stupid I was.”
He groaned my name in anguish. “I left you by yourself at the Skywalk? You mean you didn’t go home with Max?” He really sounded tormented at this point. “I’m sorry, Emily. I didn’t mean to leave you there. You know I would never abandon you. I really thought you were with your friends. I can’t believe I did that to you. How did you get home? Oh, Emi.” He moved closer to embrace me but I pushed him away.
“I don’t want your sorry or your pity. My breakup with Max was a walk in the park compared to what you put me through. You made yourself clear by not returning for me, and by not returning any of my messages. I was right to doubt your love. There was no way you could have loved me as much as you said you did!” Tears went everywhere as I fumbled to take off the ring I didn’t want to let go. “Here! I don’t think this belongs to me anymore.” I handed him the ring not so gently as I heard it clang onto the cement and roll down the sidewalk.
I saw a torn look on Jake’s face trying to decide whether to chase after the ring or keep an eye on me who was halfway in the cab. He chose the ring.
“JFK” was all I could say to the cab driver before I began hyperventilating.
Chapter 13 Time to Say Good-bye
The flight back home gave me a chance to calm down and think through the conversation I needed to have with Max. I hoped that I wouldn’t lose him as a friend after our talk. We were past the point of marrying each other, but he would always be part of my intimate circle of friends.
Once home, I took a last look at my cell phone before shutting it off for good. Fifteen missed calls lit up the screen. Even Jake had called, no doubt feeling guilty about leaving me in Arizona. I chose not to listen or read any of them. Where I was going, there would be no need for a cell phone, and dwelling on my life here would do me no good. I texted back a simple message letting Jane know that I was OK.
Just got home. Thanks for being my friend. Enjoy your dinner. Tell Nick I’m sad I missed it.
She immediately texted back.
I need to talk to you. CALL ME!!!
I ignored the last part. Of course, she called right away, but I declined the call.
One unreturned phone call still haunted me.
“Hi, Max. It’s me, Em. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. How are you?”
“I’m busy, but doing well. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing ok, I think.” I hated lying to people, but lying was the easiest way to get out of drawn-out explanations.
“Are you ready to talk, Em? Can I come over?”
“Yeah, I’m home. Come over if you’re not too busy. Or, I can come to you.”
“I’ll come to you. Have you had dinner?”
“No.”
“I’ll bring something over. See you soon. Bye.”
I sensed a change in Max’s tone during this conversation. Peaceful? Yes, he sounded more peaceful talking to me. Perhaps this conversation wasn’t going to be as hard as I expected.
Max came over within the hour and we had dinner. We had gone through almost a pot of coffee before I found the courage to bring up the topic of us. In the meantime, we conversed about his school year and all his classes. He told me that he wanted to be a pediatrician, and wanted to eventually go overseas and help children in impoverished countries. I could see that Max had matured since our college days. He knew what he wanted out of life, and he was willing to give more to life than take from it. He had found his peace.
“Max. I’m happy to hear about your plans. When did you decide all this? And what brought on this change?”
“I did some soul searching after Vegas, and realized that I wanted to make use of being a doctor. So many children don’t have proper medical care. I want to go and help these kids. My mind is finally settled on what I want to do the rest of my life. The question is, will you be there with me?”
“Max. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching as well, and let me share my heart with you. That morning on the Skywalk, a lot happened to me after you proposed. Did you know Jake saw you propose to me?”
Max shook his head no.
“Because I turned down his proposal but not yours, he got upset and left me. We are no longer together.”
Max looked guilty and surprised.
“Since then, I’ve been thinking about us and what you mean to me. You know I still love you.” This brought a smile to Max’s boyish good looks. “I still love you, Max, but not the same way I did back in college. If you think about it, you and I know no other feeling for each other. We saw each other our freshman year, and boom, we were in love. I don’t know what it’s like not to love you. But, sometime even before I met Jake, my love for you changed. There was no more physical love. I just continued to love you like my family or best friend. You have always been like family and one of my very best friends. That’s how I love you and that’s the only way I see us staying.”