“Okay,” I squeaked.
He took my hand again and rubbed his thumb over my palm. “It’s wine night, alright? It’s just you and me and a bottle of wine. We’re just talking. You’re just being you and I’m just being me and we’re just going to have a conversation that will make us both smile. It’s going to be the best part of my day, just like all of our other ones. And I’m really hoping it’s going to rank up there on yours. Maybe? Right after the kids?” He closed one of his eyes, scrunched up his face and gave me an adorably hopeful expression.
“Maybe,” I agreed on a shaky laugh.
His face relaxed and he broke into a grin. “I like you, Liz. I’ve liked you for almost as long as I’ve known you. And every time I spend time with you, I just like you more. You’re an incredible woman that I can’t imagine not seeing every day, listening to your stories, listening to you laugh… listening to the bad things and the good things. I know this freaks you out. And it should probably freak me out too. But it doesn’t. It feels right. You and I feel right. So stay with me for just tonight. I promise to return you home in one piece, both inside and out. Can I have this? Just tonight?”
“Yes.” The word left my lips in a confession of feeling. Yes, he could have this night. Yes, we did feel right. And it did freak me out, but I couldn’t make it stop.
A soft smile played on his lips, “Will you tell me about your day?”
I looked into his dark eyes and felt myself center again. I felt tethered to something again. “My day? Oh, it was so boring. It started off with Jace dumping a whole box of Fruit Loops onto the table and then moved on to getting a call from the cable company. Apparently I’ve forgotten to pay them the last two months and then it ended with Lucy getting Cheeto prints all over the first dress I tried on tonight.”
“Well, at least that’s something to be thankful for.”
“Why is that?”
“Thanks to Lucy, I get to see you in this. I don’t know what the other dress looked like, but I am pretty happy with this one.”
I resisted the urge to throw my napkin at him. “The other one was super slutty. Boobs everywhere.” I waved a hand in front of my minimal cleavage to demonstrate.
His eyes darkened as he smiled at my joke. “Now you’re being cruel.”
“I thought this was a regular wine night. I’m just trying to stay in character.”
He stared at me intently for a long moment before saying, “I’m glad you said yes.” He let that settle over me while he flagged down the waitress to bring us some wine.
We spent the rest of the evening laughing and talking over good food and great wine. Ben was right; there was no difference between here and at home. I enjoyed him as much as I always did.
I was surprised when he pulled into my driveway and I didn’t want the night to end. I had imagined racing from his car, barricading myself in my house and avoiding him for the next four months.
But he had made this night amazing and so casual that I hardly noticed it was anything more than one of our usual nights in my kitchen.
It wasn’t until he walked me to the door that I truly remembered that this was a date. At the restaurant there had been a table separating us. And even though he would put his hand on my back when we walked to or from the car, he always did that so it wasn’t anything new.
On my porch, he lingered.
This was new.
And my nerves noticed it immediately.
I looked up at him, trying to decide what to do and how to end the night. “Thank you, Ben. I had a lovely evening.”
“I’m glad,” he murmured and stealthily took a step forward. “I had a nice time too.”
“The food was great.”
He ignored my trite comment. “You’ll do this again with me?”
I forced myself to hold his steady gaze. “Ben, I don’t-”
He had no patience for my refusal. One of his hands wrapped around my hip and jerked me against his hard body. His mouth descended on mine before I had a chance to panic.
His rough, demanding intensity pulsed around me, but his mouth moved sweetly, gently, as if he were savoring every single second of this.
Soft lips against soft lips, his tongue swept out along my lower one and then I found myself opening for him, letting him taste me completely. I kissed him back, unable to make coherent thoughts or think of anything beyond this moment.
My heart pounded ferociously in my chest. My hands slid up his vest and wrapped around his neck. His other hand pressed against the small of my back until we were chest to chest, tightly held together.
He kissed me for a very long time, longer than any first kiss I had ever had. He didn’t seem to want to stop. He would nibble on my bottom lip and then delve his tongue back into my mouth.
I gasped for air and sanity, but he filled every breath and sense.
Finally, just as our kisses became frantic and our touch more desperate, he slowed down. He ended our make out with the sweetest, lingering kiss. He pulled back just a little but rested his forehead against mine while his breathing steadied out.
“I have wanted to do that for a very long time.” His words were worshipful whispers.
I started trembling. I couldn’t form words or share the same sentiment. I had never thought about kissing Ben.
Not once.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he promised.
I nodded, still unable to speak.
He let me go and I groped for the door handle. I couldn’t look at him as I fled inside the dark house. I shut the door behind me and flicked the deadbolt over. My back slammed against it and reality came crashing over me.
I started sobbing; it seemed there was nothing left for me to do. The cries came straight from my heart, soul-wrenching sobs that were so deep they didn’t make any sound at first.
I slid to the ground, completely bereft.
What had I done?