We parted ways in the parking lot. I hugged both Katherine and Trevor, warning him to be nice. He growled at me.
I couldn’t help but laugh. That was so Trevor. And like Katherine said at Christmas, he was treating me like family, like I was his little sister and he was my overprotective big brother. Or like the brother of my dead husband. Either way, his concern made me feel loved.
Emma helped the kids into the house while I walked Ben to the edge of the garage. I had a lot of time to think today and more time than usual to spend with Ben.
He stepped close to me, shielding me from the biting drops of cold rain. I let him invade my personal space, completely used to it by now. When he turned to me and said, “Go out with me, Liz. It’s okay for you to move on now.”
I finally agreed with him. I didn’t know if it was visiting the grave and once again realizing how empty it was, how far gone Grady was from me or if it was that I realized today I didn’t want to be without Ben. I didn’t know what my feelings for him meant or how deeply they went, but I did know they mattered to me in a profound way.
He mattered to me in a way I couldn’t ignore anymore.
“Okay,” I whispered.
The smile that broke out across his face made my stomach flutter and my skin buzz with anticipation. “Okay?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
He tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Get a sitter for Friday.”
I watched him walk away, baffled by his words and his attitude. I always expected him to treat me as though I were fragile… thin glass that would shatter with just the slightest bit of pressure, but he never did. He pushed me beyond being delicate, into a place I had never thought I would go again. He made me strong. He demanded that I be anything but weak and broken.
Which might have been the reason I finally said yes.
But oh, god. I said yes.
The happy feelings were replaced with absolute panic. I had a date.
On Friday.
With someone who was not my husband.
Chapter Nineteen
I attacked Emma as soon as she walked in the door. “Oh, my god, he’s a psycho isn’t he? He has to be. That’s the only explanation!”
“Elizabeth Grace, what are you talking about?” My sister went white-faced at my panic attack. “Are you okay? Is everyone okay?” The kids swarmed her legs and demanded she pick them all up.
“Ben!” I shouted over them. “Ben is a psychopath! He has to be!”
“Wait. What?” She scooped Jace up into her arms and bugged her eyes out at me. “What are you talking about?”
“Emma, I have had four children! Four of them! Do you understand the state of my vagina? What kind of man goes out on a date with a woman that has four children?”
“Oh,” she sighed. “You’re just panicking.”
“Of course, I’m panicking! What else would I be doing?” I took a second to catch my breath. “What have I done? I cannot go out with him. He’s got to have like a… a… fetish or something. Or maybe he’s not a lawyer at all. Maybe he’s a conman trying to steal all of Grady’s life insurance money. Or maybe-”
Emma cut me off, “I’m going to stop you right there. First, you know he’s a lawyer. And you know he’s not a liar. Well, or really mostly not a liar, because you know, it’s iffy when you’re a lawyer and… Anyway, I’ve been to his office! I can vouch for him. And he doesn’t really seem like the type to have a fetish. But hey, if he does, just go with it. It could be fun!”
“Emma!”
“Elizabeth, it’s one date. You can never talk to him again after this if you want. Or you can go back to being friends. Really, how is this any different than one of your wine nights? He comes over for dinner all the time. Just think of this like you two hanging out casually. He’ll bring you back home before you turn into a pumpkin and you’ll go to sleep in separate beds. This is no big deal.”
Emma’s words calmed me considerably. I took a slow breath and picked up Lucy to cuddle. Cuddling always gave me comfort.
“This is a date?” Blake asked with one eyebrow raised.
Shit. “No,” I said at the same time Emma said, “Yes.” I gave her another frightened look. “Don’t lie to them, Liz! Be honest.”
My sister, the grad school counselor.
But she was right. I didn’t want to lie to Blake or Abby. And I really didn’t want to have to come back later and explain myself.
“Emma’s right, Blake. This is a date. Ben asked me to go to dinner with him and I said yes.”
He absorbed the information and then with maturity I didn’t know he had in him, he said, “Cool.” I stared at his bouncing head as he moved back into the living room to pick up his game controller.
My gaze swung to Emma. “See?” she said. “I told you.”
“Mommy?” Abby asked and her face revealed more of the reaction I had expected.
I sunk to my knees in front of her, ignoring the cold press of the wood floor against my bare legs. “It’s just dinner, Abs. Ben asked mommy to go with him alone. He, um, he wants to spend time with me. Is that okay?”
“I like Ben,” she mumbled. “But…”
I found myself using Emma’s words on my daughter. “It’s just dinner, Sweetheart. If I come home and you don’t want me to do this again, I won’t. Okay?” That was probably the worst parenting ever, but I couldn’t help myself. I wouldn’t put my kids through another traumatic experience because I was too selfish to ignore my volatile feelings.
“You’re coming back tonight?”
I shivered at her question. “Yes, I’ll be home in a few hours. Promise.”
She threw her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. “K!”
I stood up and faced my sister again. “Do I look okay?”
“You look smokin’, sweet cheeks.” When I rolled my eyes, she gave my shoulder a little shove. “You’re gorgeous, I swear it. But how long are you going to make it in those heels? When’s the last time you even wore heels?”