A tender smile touched his lips, “I expect us to take this one day at a time. I expect you to be difficult and for me to be patient and understanding and so, so gentle. I expect us to enjoy each other, Liz. And not much more. Not yet.”
“I already enjoy you,” I glared at him, hating that he was able to get through to me.
I had to be crazy to even consider this!
“I know you do.”
I let out a sigh of frustration, “This isn’t going to work, Ben. We’re both going to end up hurt.”
“You’re already hurting, Liz.” He stepped toward me again and tucked a stubborn piece of hair behind my ear.
“That’s what I mean.” My chin trembled as I struggled not to cry again. I hated that I couldn’t keep a lock on my emotions. I hated that losing Grady had broken me so severely that my eyes constantly leaked and my crazed emotions always floated near the top. I needed to normalize. But looking up into Ben’s eyes and taking in his handsome, pleading face, I knew it wouldn’t happen any time soon. “I can’t take anymore heartbreak,” I confessed on a broken whisper.
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not going to break your heart.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. His mouth felt warm and hopeful.
He kissed me like I was a delicate, fragile thing. He kissed me with care and an aching sweetness that touched the bitter places inside of me and brought them back to life. I came to life in his arms, with his lips against mine. I awoke from the dead and bloomed into something so beautiful I felt awed by the sight of it, something that had not existed until Ben Tyler walked into my world.
He pulled away before I was ready, but I couldn’t admit that. Not even to myself.
I met his unwavering gaze again and asked the question that had been burning brightest. “Why me, Ben? You could have anyone. You could have your pick of uncomplicated girls without kids and without dead husbands. You’re the whole package. Any girl would be lucky to be with you. I just… I don’t understand why you chose me.”
He didn’t hesitate. One of his hands came to rest on my waist, the other wrapped around the back of my neck. “You were not the only one that was lost when we met. I found something in you I had been looking for for a very long time.”
“What was that?”
“Myself,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes and struggled not to be swept away in his wake. “Ben…”
“Liz, I didn’t expect to fall for you, not like this… not so completely. And I never expected for you to fall for me too. But here we are. Let’s see where this goes. Let’s see how far left there is to fall.”
I nodded, unable to make the words form on my lips.
He pulled me against him. “Really?”
“I can’t say no to that.”
A satisfied grin broke across his face. “I figured.”
“You’re unforgivably cocky. You know that?”
“I have you to remind me.”
I have you… His words wrapped around my heart and held it together as the frantic pounding of it threatened to tear me apart.
His eyes darkened again and his lips turned down into a serious frown, “When this becomes too much tell me. All you have to do is tell me how you feel and I will help you, Liz. I know this won’t be easy. I know we’re asking a lot from each other. But I also know that it is worth it. We are worth it. But it will never work unless I know what you are thinking and how you feel. Alright?”
I nodded again, “Okay.”
“Tell me when it’s too much and I will back off. I promise you that.”
“Okay,” I repeated.
He watched my face for a few long moments before he dipped his head and trailed his nose along the curve of my jaw, placing a tender kiss just below my ear. “Okay,” he whispered against my skin.
And then he ravished me, right there on the cold tile of the entryway.
Just kidding. Then one of my children screamed bloody murder from the top of the stairs.
“I have to go check on her.” He took a step back and nodded. “Wait for me?”
His entire body relaxed. I watched him turn from carved stone to a man that could slay me with one of his heated looks. His shoulders relaxed and his limbs became tensile and familiar. “I’ll wait,” he promised on a low rumble.
I shivered and tried to ignore the fluttering feeling that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Turning from him quickly, I raced up the stairs to check on Lucy.
She turned to face me when I flipped the hallway light on. Her little arms lifted, begging for a hug.
I scooped her up in my arms and pressed a kiss to her sweaty forehead. “Did you have a nightmare?”
She nodded against my cheek. “I miss my daddy!” she cried. “I want him to come home! I want my daddy!”
I tried to swallow against the lump in my throat. I had no words for this little one. I had no hope or promises to offer. All I could do was hold her tightly to my chest and cry with her.
I closed my eyes and snuggled back against her headboard. She changed positions and threw herself over me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I want my daddy!” she continued to wail. “I want him to come home to me!”
“Shh,” I sung against her forehead. “Shh, Luce.”
“Mommy, where is he? Where did he go?”
“Lucy, you know where he went. You know this.”
She shook her head roughly against mine. “No.”
My sweet, sensitive Lucy. She had waited for Grady to come back for so long. But she had turned five over the winter and with that little bit of added maturity, reality had settled in. It was like grieving all over again as she slowly accepted the truth that her daddy was gone forever.
She ended up in my bed most nights now. Sometimes she had these awful nightmares and sometimes she woke up already in tears. I hated that she had to go through this again. I hated that my little Luce had to come to understand that her daddy was gone forever.
“Tell me where your daddy is, Lucy Kate,” I coaxed.
She continued to shake her head, her hair getting tangled in her tears. “In heaven,” she hiccupped. “He’s in h-h-h-heaven.”
“And is he ever coming back?”