“Don’t put it on!” I shouted at her. “You’ll never fit in the car!” I ran up the stairs before she could rip apart her spring play costume and caught it halfway over her head. “We’ll throw it on as soon as we get there,” I panted as I tried to wrestle her out of the awkward costume. “Besides, isn’t it hot?”
“Duh,” she groaned. “It’s the sun.”
I pressed my lips together and failed at holding back a laugh. “And what a beautiful sun it is.”
She crossed her eyes at me until I tweaked her nose. Suddenly, she was thoughtful, “Do you think Mr. Hoya is punishing me for making him so mad this year?”
I leveled her with my best motherly gaze and prepared to say something inspiring. Instead, the truth came out, “It’s a very real possibility, Kiddo.”
She sighed, “I can’t wait for summer.”
“You and me both.”
Ben showed up five minutes later and helped me pack the kids into the minivan. Abby had won the non-speaking part of the happy sun while Blake had been given a more prestigious part. He had been cast as the poky little puppy in the elementary school’s rendition of The Poky Little Puppy.
We had been practicing lines for a month now. He was always confident and relaxed, but tonight he was obviously nervous. And I was just as nervous for him.
My heart clenched wishing that Grady could be here. Blake needed someone to give him some encouraging words. I didn’t count. Whatever I said was ignored because, well, I was the mom. And I needed Grady to be here to get me through this night. Both of my kids would be on stage. This seemed like something their father should see.
Ben dropped the older kids and me off at the door because we were running a little late-no surprise. I rushed them backstage, gave them big kisses in front of all of their friends and left them to the charge of teachers who got paid to yell at my kids.
“Hi, Liz,” a mom from Blake’s class stopped me in the hallway by putting her hand on my forearm.
I jerked to a stop. “Hi, Melissa,” I smiled at her. Blake and her son, Tanner, were good friends. A year ago, she’d had Blake over several times in an effort to help me out and distract Blake from his grief. Blake couldn’t be distracted and every time she saw me, I had been a walking train wreck. The playdates had stopped over the summer.
I hadn’t talked to her all year.
“How are you?” Melissa asked in that nasally, dragging tone people think sounds sympathetic.
“I’m alright,” I answered honestly. “How are you and the family doing?”
“Oh, we’re good,” she smiled brightly. “Tanner is so excited for summer. I can hardly get him to focus on homework!”
“I know what you mean.” I tried to stay engaged, but something had happened to me after Grady died. And I supposed after I forged my friendship with Ben. I had very little patience for superficial these days. I simply couldn’t stomach it.
These lives we lived were a gift and precious and so short. I wanted to spend my time authentically, surrounded by people I truly loved. I knew there was a time and place for small talk and it wasn’t as though I wanted to get into something deep with Melissa before the play… but it was hard to listen to her fake laugh while my family waited for me in the auditorium.
“So, listen,” Melissa started. “I know we haven’t seen a lot of Blake lately, but Tanner has been begging to have him over now that he’s, well, you know… better. So I was thinking-”
“There you are,” Ben appeared at my side. He slid his long arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him.
My cheeks bloomed bright red and I tried not to be skittish. “Hey, where are the kids?”
“With your sister. Katherine and Trevor got here early to save us seats.” All of his attention focused on me. His sincere eyes watched my face carefully; his arm wrapped around my body and shielded me from the dangers of elementary school parents.
If I cared about Melissa’s opinion of me, I would have desperately wanted to explain this to her. And I couldn’t deny the shame and embarrassment that mingled in my chest. I wanted to run away or shove Ben out the front door and tell him to wait for me in the car.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone else that I had seemingly moved on already.
But the truth was, I hadn’t moved on. I couldn’t have explained it to others if I wanted to. I still very much grieved Grady. Ben was just… Ben. A man I couldn’t say no to and a relationship I didn’t want to let go.
And Melissa was not my friend nor did she deserve an explanation.
That did not lessen my urgency to get to my seat where she could stop judging me with her curious eyes.
“I’m Melissa,” she interjected anyway. Her hand shot out to take Ben’s. “I’m the room parent for Blake’s class.”
“Hi, Melissa.” Ben shook her hand but didn’t offer any more details about himself.
Melissa’s wide gaze shot to me. I nearly laughed. “I’ll call you about the play date,” I told her. I left her to watch after us as we walked back toward the entrance to the auditorium.
I groaned as soon as we were far enough away from her and leaned into Ben, pushing him sideways. “She’s going to go run and tell all the other mom’s I brought a gigolo to the spring play.”
“Do I look like a gigolo?” Ben sounded truly alarmed.
I started laughing, I couldn’t hold it back. It started in my stomach and worked its way through the rest of my body. I had to stop walking and prop myself against the wall, too hysterical to hold myself up on my own.
Ben put his hand on my shoulder and chuckled with me, although his wasn’t quite the full-body laugh that mine was.
“Are you okay?” he asked after another minute. “I didn’t mean to make you the center of gossip. I can go tell that woman I’m your cousin from out of town if that would help.”