Alone is better than dead, isn’t it?
Each step I took on the dirt road made my legs seem weighted down with boulders. I kept my arms wrapped around me and my head low, shielded under the hooded cloak I wore. I reached the fork in the road and desperately searched for signs that would point me in the direction of the crossover. I decided I would go right first, and if that turned out the wrong way, I could turn back and go down the other path.
The night was dark, but thanks to my werewolf sight, I could see the outlines of the trees and the path. The fleeting creatures that lived within the woods faded in and out of sight. Even the sounds they made fell on deaf ears. I wanted to be interested in this world, but I didn’t want to give into my curiosities. To do so would make it much harder to bear when I left.
The moon moved high into the sky. The stars twinkled, some getting cloaked behind light drifts of clouds. I sensed the enchantment of this place start to pull me in. I desperately clung to the decision I made, not allowing myself to get pulled in. I couldn’t change my own mind. I had to leave. Marren didn’t want me anymore. The idea chilled me to the bone, emptying me of all hope, leaving only despair.
I forced myself to focus on the path ahead of me. With each step, I was getting closer to the crossover. I sensed it. Just ahead, a figure appearing as still as can be, sat on a tree stump on the side of the road. He was slouched, leaning on his knees. Unintentionally, my foot kicked a rock on the road, skipping it and sending it loudly skidding against the dirt. The figure’s head popped in my direction. The familiar slant of his shoulders, the position he took.
“Danst? W—what are you doing here?”
“I could ask the same thing of you,” he said, searching around for someone else. Probably Marren.
“I’m alone.” I took a deep breath to say the next thing. “I’m leaving. Marren has decided he doesn’t want me anymore. I guess Jiren was right. I must not be Marren’s heart song.”
My voice cracked at the term that used to mean so much to me. Now it seemed as though it shouldn’t.
“You’ve got everything all wrong, Relena.”
“Do I?” I asked, my tone bitter. “Seems to me, I’m right, considering I told him if he didn’t want me here I’d leave to make things easier for him and he didn’t say a word. In fact, short of locking me in a room like a prisoner, he’s avoided me like he’s ashamed of me.”
“You don’t understand—”
“No, I understand fine!” I said.
“Relena, stop!” He searched around and in a lower voice added, “Please, sit with me and let me at least explain to you.”
“Danst,” I said and smiled, unsure if he could see my smirk but gave it a shot anyway. “You are a great friend, and I’m grateful for everything you have done for me. And despite my feelings, it is apparent that not only am I not wanted here, but Marren has changed his mind about me. I can’t stay. It hurts too much.”
I choked on the last word. I quickly wrapped my arms tightly around him. “Take care of him for me, please.”
Before he could answer or argue, I let him go and took off in a jog down the road, wiping tears from my eyes.
As soon as I was sure Danst didn’t follow me, I turned to judge the distance I had walked. I didn’t get far. I turned back around to continue down the path. I couldn’t help but let my thoughts trail to Marren and how much I loved him. I needed him to know before I got too far. I stopped in the middle of the path and closed my eyes, focusing on my words.
I love you, Marren. More than I thought a person could love anyone. No matter what, I love you. I love you even though you don’t want me anymore. But, I can’t stay. The pain is too much. I feel like I’m dying a little more each second that passes and you drift further and further from me. I won’t bother you. I won’t even speak your name if that is what you wish. I’m sorry that I wasn’t what you wanted after all.
I pushed back the tears, smacking away the ones that fell down my cheeks. I took steps forward, moving closer to the crossover and farther from my heart. I fell deeper and deeper into despair, hoping at some point I would become numb and all the pain would fade away into a distant memory. I could only hope that day would be sooner rather than later. I feared my heart would kill me after all.
***
I was sure I had walked for hours when I found a familiar path. The same curve of the path leading uphill to the mountainside to my right. Even the sound of rushing water filled my ears, and as the pond came into view, I still didn’t want to believe what I saw.
Somehow, I had walked in a circle.
I turned back down the path, continuing farther. I passed the stump Danst sat at. He gazed at me with weary eyes. Past the pond, the path, and Danst again. I stopped, panting.