“Relena, how can you say those things?”
“How can you do half the things you do? You are the one making me question everything. You are making me think you want nothing to do with me. You can’t even look me in the eye for more than a few seconds!”
“Didn’t Okelo talk to you?”
“Does it matter? Everything she had to say should have come from you, not her. How can you think I wouldn’t want something from you? Why can’t you show me your world, explain your people’s ways and be with me—by my side, Marren. Not down the hall or finding hundreds of excuses to avoid me.”
“Relena—”
“I have been trying to avoid this, but maybe the other Ancients are right. Maybe I’m not your heart song.”
My heart made a move as though it just shattered into hundreds of shards and pieces and fell like feathers, painfully gathering at the bottom of the empty chasm left. Whether from the heartbreaking acknowledgment of the thought I had been trying to avoid since the day we left for this realm or from Marren’s heart breaking at my words, I couldn’t be sure, all I caught onto was the door had opened and sealed with Marren on the other side. He said to the guard if I was determined to have my way, to let me have it and then silence fell.
Do you think this is me fighting for my way? Marren, I just want you to be with me, not avoiding me, and this is how I’ve been feeling. Why can’t you see how your actions are affecting me?
Only the silent hum, somewhere in the distance and now somehow louder and closer, returned to me. I fell to my knees and hugged myself, hoping to keep the pieces of my broken heart from falling out of me.
Chapter 17
All Roads Lead to You
I stayed in the room. Not from giving into Marren’s wishes, but from an utter loss of energy. It was well past dark before I removed myself from the floor. My muscles were weak, my nose plugged and swollen. My throat was sore from crying. My shirt and hair were soaked from the tears. I had climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up over my shoulders and curled myself into a ball under them. The small lump inside my stomach still made itself known, not liking the cramped and crowded space of my womb. I related to that. Both of us were forced into a situation that was uncomfortable and restricting.
I had fallen asleep for a while, having exhausted myself to the point I couldn’t keep my eyes open. A sound had awakened me. One I couldn’t place or describe. I opened my eyes to a different room than when I first closed them, stripped bare of all the shattered and destroyed things strewn everywhere. Only bare floors and walls were evident now. Maybe that was the sound? A shuffle came and then the door closed softly.
Not hesitating, I removed myself from the bed and walked toward the door. A part of me wondered if Marren had stuck to his word he gave earlier. The other part of me was too emotionally worn to care. I pulled on the handle, giving easily under my pressure.
The hall was empty. On the other side of the windows carved from the surface of the mountain were the glowing silhouette of trees and the stars in the sky. I stepped out carefully, listening for the sound of footsteps. My eyes caught Marren’s form walking down the hall.
Marren, stop. Please.
He kept walking, forcing me to run after him.
“Is this how it’s going to be?” I asked as soon as I reached him. “You ignoring me.”
He continued walking without a word.
Fighting off another onslaught of tears, I choked out. “If you don’t want me here, I will leave. I’m sure I can find my own way back to the mortal realm, and I’m sure this will make the other Ancients happy as well.”
Still not another word. I stopped mid-step, unable to go farther. I watched Marren’s back fade into the shadows and disappear.
***
I stared at the doors leading out of the home of the werewolves. Not a soul was in sight, and those I passed on the way did nothing to stop me, much less glance at me or acknowledge my existence. I didn’t want to stay where I wasn’t wanted, and as much as the thought pained me to know Marren wasn’t speaking to me or even remotely cared I was leaving, I needed to get out. Staying would surely killed me. I had no idea what would become of me and the child, but I didn’t want to think about that. It nearly made me want to stay and endure being shunned and rejected, especially if it meant being able to see Marren more than I would if I left.
I pushed the doors open, feeling their weight give under my hands easily. The cool night air blew around me, forcing me back into the hall of the sheltering rock. But I couldn’t force myself to stay.