“I’m sorry. That was rude of me to ask.”
“You are all right. I thought his absence would get easier with each day and I would be able to speak of him without pain.” She sounded as though the pain made her words harder to push out. I was foolish for acting jealous in the first place. The poor woman had been through a lot.
“You don’t need to tell me, of all people.”
“Why not?” The pain was gone, replaced with confusion.
I opened my mouth to say something intelligent and heartfelt, but only air escaped.
She smiled, gazing at her baby. “He died right before Serid’s birth, during a journey that is traditional of our people. The man leaves on a quest to prepare himself for entering fatherhood. When he returns, he helps the mother deliver her child and creates the first bond—the strongest bond—between the three of them. He never returned. I gave birth alone. It was hard, but I managed just fine, I think.”
She shifted her attention to me and smiled. “I assumed my mate’s position as Marren’s second—also tradition—though usually the son takes over, but you can tell he’s still a bit small.”
“I can’t imagine losing Marren. The idea nearly kills me.”
“Well, that’s because you will if he does. Heart songs are powerful in that and other ways. But my mate and I weren’t and for the better. I couldn’t take the thought of Serid growing up alone.”
“That would be awful,” I said and climbed out of the pool to get dressed again, and then took a seat next to Okelo.
“Are you sure you don’t want to hold him?” she asked.
My eyes met hers. I had been caught staring at the child too long. “I know this must sound odd, but I have a strange pull toward him. I can’t explain it.”
“Here,” she held him toward me, “Support his head with the crook of your arm and his weight with your forearm.”
I followed her directions, taking the child in my arms, shocked by how heavy he was.
“See? Not so bad?”
I couldn’t help the smile that came to my face. “No, he’s quite amazing!”
“You’re going to be a wonderful mother,” she said.
“That is kind of you, but I’m afraid that won’t happen for quite some time.”
“He didn’t tell you, did he?” she asked.
“Tell me what?”
“My lady, you are already with child,” she said.
The world filled with an impenetrable silence, so thick the air was harder to breathe, and my heart struggled to continue beating.
“That’s impossible,” I barely whispered. Serid started to squirm and fuss, so I handed him back to Okelo.
“No?” She smiled, taking her son. “Tell me, has he lain with you recently?”
“Um, no…Not for a week or so, why?” I wasn’t all that sure about their customs, much less the way girl talk was supposed to go, but I figured she was friendly enough; couldn’t hurt to open up a little. At least I hoped.
“That is when you conceived. Our people believe being with your mate may be harmful to the development of the child, particularly in Ancient offspring. That belief isn’t so much so now-a-days, but still a tradition that our people cling to.”
“Traditions don’t define who you are.” I still didn’t want to believe that I had conceived and was grateful for the change of direction the conversation took.
“But they speak of who we were,” Okelo said. “They are important because we’ve lost so much since crossing over. Which also makes your arrival reason for a celebration. You being here symbolizes our hope of returning home and rejoining the two realms once more.”
“You make it sound so simple,” I muttered.
“Is it not?” she asked, as though everything was clear to her.
“Not when you consider every step I’ve made since Marren rescued me from a fate worse than death has brought me close to death more times than I care to count. Besides, Marren wouldn’t keep something like that from me.” And yet when I spoke the words, I couldn’t help questioning them. Would he?
She shrugged and wrapped her son back up. She strapped him to her back and stood from the ground. “We better head back. The sun will set soon. We’re going to have a special dinner in your honor!”
Chapter 16
Broken and Shunned