“I don’t understand. I keep going in circles.” I started to pace in front of him.
He glanced up from the ground, moving mostly his eyes, which were sad and spoke of feeling sorry for me. “I tried to tell you that, but you didn’t want to listen.”
“Well, can you lead me to the crossover? I don’t think I have the strength to do it alone, and I can’t keep running in circles.”
“You’re not running in circles,” he said.
I paused in my pacing to meet his gaze. Not a hint of a laugh played on his lips. Instead, they were pulled taut into a grimace.
“What?” I asked.
“You were going straight and down the right path. But you don’t want to leave, so it keeps taking you back to Marren.”
I couldn’t lie, I didn’t want to leave. I struggled with myself over leaving. I even found myself finding reasons to stay, but I had to convince myself leaving was for the best because Marren didn’t want me.
“I can’t explain why, but you will only drive yourself crazy going back and forth on this,” he said softly.
I fell to my knees and sobbed, “But…Marren…doesn’t…want…me…any…more…” My words came in between sobs and breaths.
Danst knelt beside me, wrapping his arms around me and rocking slightly. “How do you know?”
“I just do.”
“Did he say so?”
“No. He doesn’t need to. He says enough by ignoring me, avoiding me, and keeping me locked in that room.”
“Relena, did anything ever occur to you that perhaps he was trying to protect you from the people who nearly killed you?”
“No, but if he was so concerned with my safety, why didn’t he rescue me? Why didn’t he explain to me? Why does he keep hiding things from me?”
He let out a heavy sigh and then released me, sitting on the ground. “I’ve known Marren for a long time, Relena. If I know anything about him, it’s he doesn’t let anything get in between what he wants unless he’s bound and forbidden by the other Ancients. You are in our world now. You must obey the rules they set, or life can be like the Netherworld.”
“But Marren is an Ancient, and he broke the rules by staying on the mortal realm longer than he should have.”
“He stretched the rules on that one, and things are a bit more delicate now that you are here. He doesn’t want to upset them and set them against him, you, and those who side with him.”
“Why doesn’t he tell me these things? He always keeps these things to himself until he’s given no other choice, or I drag everything out of him.”
“That is something you should ask him.”
“How? He won’t talk to me. He avoids me as much as possible.” I sniffed, wiping the back of my hand across my nose. “He won’t even touch me. He can barely look at me. You think I’ve got this all wrong? I feel shunned and rejected, and he does nothing to change that. He only makes it worse.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you should go back and wait it out. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
I nodded and stood from the ground. “Thanks, Danst. You’ve been a great friend.”
“I know.”
“Please tell Marren he knows where to find me if he wants me to stay.”
Danst’s face grew dark. “Relena, I told you, you can’t leave.”
“Why? Because I’m going in circles? Tell me how to get back, please. It hurts too much to stay, and what you ask of me may as well push me over the edge and kill me altogether.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” he said.
I nodded. “Fine, I’m on my own.”
***
The frustration grew within me. No matter what I did—no matter what path I took—it all led me back to that point, staring at the entrance to Marren’s home. A place I truly believed I belonged. I spent the entire night trying to find a way out, desperate to get away from the reality staring me in the face.
The sky lightened into shades of orange, and yellow where the sun was peeking, and the dark blue of the night faded into the light blue of the day. Clouds drifted lazily, carried by a breeze that seemed to be pushing me toward the doors. But I didn’t want to go. I may not want to leave, but I didn’t want to stay either.
Why would I want to be where I’m not wanted? I sighed, resigning myself from my stand and giving in. If this was what fate had in mind for me, then so be it. Obviously, leaving the realm wasn’t an option.
Taking slow and steady steps forward, I approached the door. I pulled on the handle. The door gave way easily, again. I stepped inside and found someone. He was reluctant to help me, but I told him I wanted to go to bed and had been up all night long. He nodded, and I recognized him as the werewolf who took me to the hot spring pond to bathe in the day before or however long ago it was. Time seemed to be somewhat subjective. One day blurred easily into the next.
The door opened with no evidence of my ever being there. I collapsed on the bed and closed my eyes.
***