I found the cliff and almost ran out to let the air and rain touch my skin. The sound of the drops pattered the earth around me and not in any particular rhythm. Thunder rolled through and shook my muscles, and then the rain lightened and slowed. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned to walk back inside, recognizing I got all I would get. I stopped short, finding Marren standing in the doorway. He seemed shocked and like he hadn’t slept in days. My heart jumped, skipped, and raced through beats. I clutched myself tighter, hoping to keep it inside me even though the gesture was symbolic at best.
He took a step out into the light rain. It glistened and ran down his skin and moistened his hair. It made me want him in ways he couldn’t want me anymore. I dropped my eyes and even though tears fell, mixing with the rain, my voice came out even. “I’m sorry; I only wanted to feel the rain. I’ll leave you be.”
I went to walk past him. Hoping he would ignore me and pretend I wasn’t there, because that seemed easier than clinging to the hope he still cared for me.
I made it to the doorway before I stopped at the sound of his voice in my head. Don’t go.
His whispered voice was so soft and subtle, I thought for a second that I had imagined his words. My heartbeats drummed loudly, to the point they overwhelmed the rain falling pattering against the ground. I turned slowly, hoping what I saw wouldn’t push me over the edge. It wouldn’t break my heart to the point it would never mend, and I would never recover…succumbing to my demise.
He stood there, facing me with his hand out toward me, beckoning me to take it. His eyes soft and gentle.
Please. His voice begged. But I couldn’t be sure he truly spoke to me. Did he really call me to him?
He nodded once toward me.
I’m scared.
Of what?
You’re not real. This isn’t real. I have no idea why I said those things. Perhaps it was a way to test myself. How far I could push myself before I broke?
Relena, I’m real. Please, stop torturing yourself and come to me.
But, I thought…
I’m aware of that, and despite my efforts to reach you otherwise, you seemed content to punish yourself. Not eating? Relena, think of the child.
You hate me and the child. Why concern yourself with us?
I don’t hate you. I’ve told you this numerous times. Please, uwoduhi, join me.
I stepped toward him, keeping my eyes locked on his, praying deep inside, he wouldn’t disappear or change his mind. My eyes dropped to his outreached hand, and I lifted a trembling hand toward his. My heart pounded heavy and hard. My breaths came short and rapid. My hand grazed his as my fingers slipped in between his and folded over the back of his hand. The warmth shot up my arm, chilling the rest of my body. He pulled me into him so quick I sucked in a breath. His arms tightened around me, squeezing me farther into him.
“I don’t understand,” I said. My words muffled by Marren’s chest.
“It’s a very long story, and I’m so sorry I had to put you through that. I truly am. But let’s hope they need no further proof or explanation.”
“But, you’re touching me…” I licked my dry lips, despite the rain, “willingly touching me.”
He pulled away from me enough to tilt my head up toward his with the tips of his fingers. It has been the hardest thing to do. I can’t stay from you anymore. It’s killing me, can’t you see that? His mouth collided with mine—kissing me with such fierce urgency it almost scared me.
Can’t you see that I would rather have death than to deal with life like that anymore? I said in our private way.
Nevermore, Relena. Nevermore.
“Promise me,” I said pulling away to gaze into his eyes. “Promise me you’ll never make me live another day without you.”
“I promise.” His arms tightened around me, and I rested my cheek against his chest and listened to his heart drumming.
I thought to myself, how could I be foolish enough to believe he did all those things of his own will? I had my answer. “Was that the test?”
“In a manner of speaking, yes. But, I don’t think it’s over.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure yet, but this isn’t over, and that’s why I wanted you in that room. Jiren can take any form and so he could’ve come back for you and killed you himself. I didn’t come and get you because I, too, was under suspicion. I had to sit by and wait for word or you to arrive. I’m so sorry, Relena. I truly am. I was just as tortured, if not more.”
I clung to him tighter. “And what Okelo told me?”
“What did she tell you?”
“That you are not allowed to be with me because of the child?”
His face hardened. I took that as a yes.
“So, then why are you touching me now?”
“Because the tradition is I cannot make love to you. I can still be with you and around you. I couldn’t before because they wanted to study your reaction. They needed to be reassured that you weren’t a witch that cast some spell or enchantment on me, even though, in a way, you had.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“You were aware I left, and you didn’t try to stop me?”
“I couldn’t, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. It would play right into Jiren’s desires. It would prove his argument to him. For now, we must do this according to their rules. We need to make them understand we have nothing to hide.”