The certainty that Johnny was going to do his worst came even before he flew at me, his fist slamming into my face, knocking me back with such force I crashed against the wall, cracking my head. I was sure my whole skull had shattered. I saw the pool of blood, but was strangely detached. It didn’t feel like it belonged to me.
I thought that would be it, Johnny had taught me a lesson and that would be the end of it, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. He was only just getting started.
Zach grabs my hand. It’s smooth and warm. ‘Josie, you don’t have to tell me any more – if it’s too difficult.’
But now I’ve started I can’t seem to stop. Perhaps this is like therapy, baring my soul, and afterwards the poison will be out of my body and I’ll be free of it. I know what Zach’s thinking: that Johnny raped me. And it might make him uncomfortable to hear those details, but that’s not what happened. That was never what he wanted.
There were fleeting moments when I thought this might be what Johnny wanted to do, but it never happened. Instead, he battered me with his fists, until there was barely a patch of unblemished skin on my body, and then he used any piece of furniture he could smash into me. But that still wasn’t it. He saved the knife for last, carving slits into my body until I was lying in a bath of blood, which this time I was in no doubt was my own because I could almost feel it draining from my body.
‘I enjoyed that,’ he said, as he left me there.
I turn to Zach, able to look him in the eye again now that I’ve described what Johnny did. ‘But that’s not quite the worst of it,’ I say, and watch as his jaw drops. ‘As he walked out of my room, I saw a shadow in the hall. Liv was there, Zach. The woman who was supposed to be my mother, who was supposed to always protect me. I might have even forgiven her for everything she’d done if at that moment she had tried to stop Johnny, or at least comforted me afterwards, but she just stood there, with a nasty smirk on her face. She must have seen the whole thing.’
Zach pulls me towards him and hugs me. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to but his whole body presses into mine. ‘I know this might be inappropriate but right now I don’t give a shit,’ he says. ‘You need a bloody hug and that’s what you’re going to get.’
I don’t argue but go with it, breathing in his calming scent. A natural smell, not aftershave or anything stifling. Just Zach.
We stay like that for too long, yet not long enough, until finally Zach pulls back. ‘What happened to you after that? Did you go to the police?’
I nod. ‘I woke up in hospital and didn’t know how I’d got there until the police told me. Apparently my friend Alexa had come round to find me. She’s the one I was supposed to be moving in with, and she got worried when I didn’t turn up. Somehow, thankfully, even though Liv and Johnny had gone out to get pissed down the pub, they’d left the back door open and Alexa had found me. Otherwise…’
‘Fuck! Sorry, I don’t usually swear, but this calls for it, I reckon.’
I want to hug him again now – just for being able to make me smile at this painful moment.
‘I told the police everything. He’s in prison.’
‘Good. That’s good, Josie.’ He shakes his head. ‘I can’t believe you’ve gone through all this and you’re still, well, you. Strong.’
‘I can’t let them win, Zach. That’s what stops me being a victim. They wanted to destroy my life but I won’t let them. I can’t pretend it’s always easy, but I’ve got my little brother to think of.’ I tell him about my visit to Brighton, and how although it doesn’t seem that Kieren’s being neglected, I can’t take any chances. ‘I want him to come and live with me, Zach. Once I’ve got my degree and hopefully a good job. I can’t let him be around that woman.’
‘Did social services not get involved? I don’t know much about how the system works, but surely after your mum’s boyfriend did that they would be worried about your brother?’
‘Oh, Liv knows how to lie. She’s fooled everyone. She told them she’d have nothing more to do with Johnny and made up some lies about me having a relationship with him. And because I was eighteen, and not a child, they didn’t take Kieren from her. But everyone who knows her, and that’s a lot of people in Brighton, knows that she can’t be without that man.’
Now I’ve filled Zach in on my past, I bring him up to date by telling him about Johnny’s cousin visiting me a few weeks ago.
He shakes his head and sighs heavily. ‘You need to tell the police he’s threatened you, Josie. Why haven’t you done that?’
‘Because I don’t really know who he is. I’m just assuming he’s Johnny’s cousin, but I’ve never seen him before and I was too shocked to think about getting his registration number or anything like that. He told me he has an alibi sorted for that night anyway so there’s no point. And most of all, I just want the past behind me.’
‘But it’s not behind you, Josie, if this man carries out his threat.’
‘I know. That’s why I wanted to talk to you – to get another opinion. I know it sounds stupid but I really don’t have anyone I can talk to. After the attack, nobody on my estate bothered with me. I guess they thought I was tainted and didn’t want anything to do with me. People are scared of Johnny – they knew what he was like and what he was capable of, even before he attacked me. And Liv. Nobody ever gets on her wrong side. So I really had no one. I couldn’t wait to leave, to start a fresh life in London.’
‘What about your friend, Alexa? What happened to her?’
‘She was the one person who would have stood by me, but she went to study in Edinburgh not long after and we lost touch. I wouldn’t even know how to find her now. I’ve checked and, like me, she’s not on Facebook or Twitter or anything so that’s that.’
Zach squeezes my hand but doesn’t let go. ‘Well, I’m glad our paths crossed.’
I grip his hand back, more tightly than I should, but in this moment I no longer care. Just for this brief flash of time, it feels as though it’s just me and him. Nobody else exists.
Chapter Thirteen
Mia
* * *
The house has been so silent this weekend, the atmosphere so cold, without Freya. I’ve missed her constant chatter, the way she can distract me from everything, the way that when I’m with her nothing else seems important. Without her here I’ve had too much time to focus on Alison and Dominic. And what happened to Zach.
But now it’s Monday morning, and before I pick up Freya I will visit Elaine Bradford, and hopefully get some answers. There must be something she can tell me to help me understand Dominic, and whether or not he can be trusted.
Her office is in Muswell Hill, a part of London I’m not familiar with, but my satnav gets me there in just under an hour. It’s in the completely opposite direction from Reading, but I should still make it in plenty of time to pick Freya up after lunch.
Bradford Estate Agents is a large office in a row of upmarket high street shops. I should have called ahead to check Elaine was actually in this morning, but I couldn’t think of any reason why I’d need to ask that. Still, I’m happy to take this chance. I have no clients scheduled in and at least it feels like I am doing something.
Before I step inside, I scan the faces sitting at desks, but see no sign of Elaine. I know from her website picture that she’s got dark hair, almost the same colour as Dominic’s, and it’s cut in a neat bob. She is definitely not in there.
But I walk through the doors anyway; it’s likely she’s out on a showing or something else work-related.
A tall young man, smartly dressed in a suit, comes to greet me, jangling some keys in his hand. ‘Hi, how can I help you?’
‘Um, I’m looking for Elaine, if she’s around.’
His smile fades a bit. He must have been hoping for my commission. ‘She’s in her office. I’m just on my way to a viewing, but it’s right over there.’ He points towards a glass door at the back, where I can just about make out a dark-haired woman sitting at her desk.