I greet the caller and wait for what can only be bad news.
‘Mia? Why did you come to my house today?’ Alison’s voice sounds different over the phone.
Ignoring her question, I demand to know why she told me my husband didn’t kill himself.
‘Leave this alone, Mia. And don’t come to my house again. You have no idea what you’re doing.’
And then there is silence as she cuts the connection.
Chapter Six
Josie
* * *
Alison hasn’t spoken to me since the incident with Aaron, and she won’t give me even a second to explain what happened. Every time I try to talk to her she leaves the room without a word, and somehow this is worse than if she’d just have a go at me.
I have the truth on my side but she just doesn’t want to hear it, which makes her even stranger than I’d thought. I don’t know if she’s tried to contact Aaron, but if the two of them have spoken then I’m sure he’s fed her a stream of lies.
Today is the last day of the Christmas holidays, and somehow I’ve made it through these weeks by taking on extra shifts at the coffee shop and throwing myself into my coursework, in a strange mixture of determination to succeed and desperation to drown out my loneliness, to not give in to the call to go and have a drink somewhere.
But I’m not due at work today and I can’t stand the thought of being stuck here, with Alison mooching around the place, punishing me with her silence, just as lost as I am, but in a different way. She’s been staying with her parents for most of the holiday but now she’s back and I don’t know what’s worse.
So I make a decision: today will be the day I go home. Not to see her of course, but I miss Kieren, and I know he must miss me too. He won’t understand why I moved so far away, why I had to get away from her. She might try to poison him against me, but she shouldn’t estimate how strong-willed Kieren is, even for a five-year-old. He’s just like me – she’ll love that.
The train journey to Brighton passes too quickly and I’m stepping onto the platform sooner than I’m prepared for, into the city I will never be able to think of as home. Yet, until a few months ago, it was the only place I’d ever lived, the only place I’d ever been.
Somehow she has friends here: too many of them, scattered all over the estate, watching out for her. I shudder to think just how many people she’s turned against me, so I need to be on guard, ready to defend myself and my actions. But I can hold my head up high because I did the only thing I could do: I did the right thing.
There is only one person who hasn’t turned their back on me since it happened: Sinead next door. Despite being around Liv’s age and a mother of two herself, she’s never found anything in common with Liv, has never liked her, so I wasn’t surprised when she approached me in a shop one day and told me she believed my side of events. ‘I know you wouldn’t lie, Josie. That Liv, though… Sorry, I know she’s your mum, but my God, what a nasty piece of work.’
Since that day, Sinead has texted and called with regular updates on Kieren – it’s the only way I can know how he’s doing. I think about knocking on her door before I go to Liv’s, but I quickly decide against it. I don’t want anyone to see me there; that will only cause problems for Sinead and her family.
Liv’s house – not mine, it never was – is only a short bus ride from the beach, so I head to the pier first, just to buy myself some time. It’s deserted at this time of year, the atmosphere nothing like the bustle of the summer months, but that suits me fine – I can be invisible.
This is the time when I could really do with a drink, just something to take the edge off, because I’m actually afraid of what she’s capable of. But I’ve stayed away too long already. Four months is a hell of a long time for a kid, and I want Kieren to know I haven’t forgotten him; that I never will.
If there was a way I could get him away from her now then I’d do it, whatever it took, but there isn’t; I’ve already looked into it. I don’t know what Kieren’s life is like now, but I pray it’s not as bad as it was for me. He’s a boy, so she won’t be jealous of him, but she still doesn’t know how to be a mother – it’s not in her nature. To her, kids are just mistakes, things that get in the way and stop her living her life. Things that drive all the men she’s interested in away.
After staring at the waves for too long, I can’t put it off any longer. I came here to see Kieren and to do that I’ll need to deal with her. Right, I’m ready. Bring on whatever you’ve got for me. I can handle anything.
The house is just as shabby as it’s always been, forcing home the fact that nothing has changed. I press my finger on the bell and hear it ring out inside, taking a deep breath, bracing myself as it slowly opens.
‘JoJo!’ Kieren shrieks my name and runs into me, gripping me in a tight hug.
I lean down to his level. ‘Where’s Mum? She is in, isn’t she?’ Because it would be just like her to think he can be left on his own at five years old.
He nods, and his smile vanishes. ‘She’s in the bath.’ He turns and looks up the stairs. ‘She said we’re never to let you in,’ he says. ‘Why is she so horrible to you?’
One day I’ll tell you, when you’re old enough to understand what she did to me.
I look past him into the hallway, take in the rubbish bags – dumped there with their contents overflowing because she can’t be bothered to walk the extra few metres to put them in the bins outside – and the shoes and coats piled everywhere. ‘Kieren?’ I lean down to his level. ‘When did she get in the bath?’
My brother shrugs. ‘Just now. She told me to watch TV, I’m not supposed to answer the door.’
That will be in case it’s me. She knows I won’t be able to stay away from Kieren for too long. She always takes her time in the bath, so I relax a little and tell him to grab his coat and join me on the doorstep. I’m not setting foot in that place, not unless I have to.
We sit down and snuggle close, keeping each other warm. ‘I thought you’d gone away,’ he says, pulling back so he can see my face. ‘Mum said you were never coming back.’
‘Well, here I am,’ I say. It would be too easy to explain what an evil, lying bitch that woman is, but I could never do that to Kieren. As long as she is feeding him, not abusing him, and keeping him in clean clothes then I don’t need to speak badly of her to him. He’s at that age when parents mean everything, and he doesn’t need his world shattered. And looking at him now, the apparently new and spotless Mickey Mouse sweatshirt and jeans he has on, everything appears to be okay.
The abuse and neglect were just for you, then, Josie. Does that make you feel better or worse?
‘Have you had lunch?’ I ask Kieren. I’m already reaching into my bag for the uneaten tuna and sweetcorn sandwich I bought at the station.
‘No.’ He eyes my sandwich.
‘Here, take this.’ I hand it to him but he doesn’t reach for it.
He glances back at the stairs and shakes his head. ‘No, I’ll get in trouble. Richard is taking us to McDonald’s later.’
I’ve never heard this name before but I don’t need to ask who he is. Mum’s new boyfriend, no doubt. Well, it didn’t take her long to get over Johnny. Just thinking his name makes my stomach heave.
‘Is Richard nice to you?’ I ask. Because if he isn’t, I’ll take Kieren with me right now, and sod the consequences.
Kieren shrugs. ‘He’s okay, I don’t know.’ He buries his head in the crook of my arm. ‘I miss you, JoJo.’
I ruffle his hair. ‘Me too.’
‘I can ask if you can come back… then we can be together again.’
It breaks my heart to tell him that can’t happen. I try to explain I’m at university now, and I have to live away from home, but I’ll come and visit him as much as I can.
‘It’s not fair!’ he protests. ‘Why does Mum hate you?’