‘Go on, then,’ I say, because I still don’t want to be alone. All I’ll do is mope about Zach and how the one man I’ve ever had any real interest in is married with a kid. And is my university lecturer.
He hands me another bottle, and I take it greedily, relishing the coldness of the glass on my fingers. ‘So what’s the deal with you and Alison?’
He flicks his head up and guzzles some beer before answering. ‘Nothing. No deal, we’re just friends.’
I narrow my eyes. ‘Really? Because it doesn’t look that way to me.’
He shrugs. ‘So she likes me. That doesn’t mean I have to like her, does it? I’ve never led her on or made her think I do.’ No, of course he hasn’t. Because drinking and eating a takeaway on a Friday night together could never be misconstrued.
I tell him this and he laughs. ‘You’re funny, you know, Josie. I like that.’
Here we go… Another loser who’s out for what he can get. Now, despite my feelings towards Alison, I feel sorry for her. She clearly really likes this guy, and it will all come to nothing. A bit like with me and Zach, but at least I have other people interested – if I can be bothered with them. It’s not that Alison is unattractive, but she’s too strange. Too quiet and creepy. Thinking of this makes me feel even more sorry for her.
Perhaps she and I aren’t so different after all. Both of us are screwed in different ways.
‘I love this,’ Aaron says, reaching across to touch my nose ring.
I shove his hand away. ‘Yeah, well, I’m not a tat kind of girl, so this is as far as I go with decorating myself.
He rolls up his sleeve and half of his skinny arm is covered in ink.
‘They don’t interest me,’ I say, and his face falls. Perhaps he’s used to girls fawning over him – I suppose he’s not bad-looking – but I’m surprised Alison finds him attractive. I’d have thought a stuffy older guy in a suit would be more her type. Or someone like Zach.
Aaron pulls down his sleeve and leans in towards me. ‘Really? So what does interest you, then?’
This is an interesting question, and I wouldn’t have known the answer until today. But I ignore Aaron, because I don’t want to have this conversation with him – his pathetic attempt at flirting is an insult to Alison.
‘Does she know you’re not into her?’ I ask. I’m still clutching my beer bottle but I don’t want any now.
Aaron shrugs. ‘I don’t know, it’s never come up.’
Sometimes I’m a decent person, and right now I feel an urgent need to defend Alison. She won’t stick up for herself so I’ve got to do it, and I won’t let this loser walk all over her. ‘What exactly are you doing here? Trying to get a quick shag from her? People like you make me sick. You know she’s not that type so what are you playing at? Bit low on offers this week, are you?’
His mouth hangs open. Perhaps he’s not used to being confronted like this. Is that why he’s picked someone like Alison?
I don’t wait for him to answer. ‘Think she’s desperate, do you? That she’ll be so grateful you’re showing her any interest she’ll jump into bed with you just like that?’
The fury is escalating within me and I’m losing control. But I can’t stop. Perhaps it’s years of my own abuse – although of a different kind – that has me championing Alison.
Proving he has no decent response, Aaron stands, letting his half-full bottle crash to the floor, a river of beer spilling all over the carpet. ‘I don’t have to listen to this bullshit. Screw both of you!’
And then he’s gone, slamming the front door behind him.
I feel her behind me before I turn around. Alison is staring at me, her mobile clutched to her chest. Her eyes are wide with horror as she takes in the scene. And when she speaks, her voice is quiet, but her words speak volumes.
‘What the hell have you just done?’
Chapter Five
Mia
* * *
Sleep was fitful for me last night, fear and anxiety keeping me awake, so I am up before 6 a.m. Still in my dressing gown, I head downstairs to the kitchen, surprised to open the door and find Will standing by the oven, already up and dressed, the smell of bacon and eggs wafting from the hob.
‘Hey, how are you feeling? I thought you’d wake up around now after going to bed so early.’ He points to the frying pan. ‘Hope you don’t mind, but I thought we could all do with a nice cooked breakfast.’
Food is the last thing I feel like but I appreciate his offer. ‘Thank you. Is it nearly ready? I should go and wake Freya.’
‘Just started. Actually, could we have a word before Freya gets up?’
This will be serious; normally Will doesn’t preface things by asking if we can talk. He must know I used his phone without asking. Or somehow he’s found out about Alison Cummings and wants to know why I’ve kept this from him.
‘Is everything okay?’ I ask. But of course it isn’t. And I’ve got the feeling it won’t be again, unless I can track down that woman and find out what she’s playing at.
Will stirs the scrambled eggs and turns to me. ‘Mia, I’m really worried about you. First, you collapse yesterday and then you were so quiet all evening. I know you were tired, but is there something else going on? I’m just not buying the dehydration thing, you’re too good at looking after yourself.’
I try to reassure him I’m fine, that it was a one-off and won’t happen again, but he’s still not convinced.
‘You can’t know it won’t happen again, can you? And if there’s something physically wrong then you need to get checked.’
‘Will, I love you for caring, and noticing so much, but honestly, I’m fine. Yesterday just wasn’t a good day. Today will be better, I promise.’ My words are hollow and riddled with deceit. Is this how Zach felt?
He leans forward and kisses my cheek. ‘Okay, but if you start to feel ill again—’
‘I won’t,’ I say. ‘Now, I’d better get Freya up, breakfast looks like it’s nearly ready.’
I turn away before I break down and tell him everything. I can’t put that burden on Will. Not now. Not ever.
* * *
‘Remember, I’ve taken the whole day off today,’ Will says, as I clear away the breakfast things. Freya plays outside in the garden, alternating between her trampoline and her paddling pool, and I watch her from the window. She’s the only thing that keeps me calm when everything else is threatening to crash down around me.
‘Are we still doing something this afternoon?’ Will continues. ‘I thought we could take Freya to London Zoo?’
My heart sinks – I’d forgotten we’d made this arrangement last week, but I need to track down Alison today. I can’t let any more time go by without finding out what she knows.
Freya has a playdate with her friend Megan this morning, while I see clients, and I can’t cancel my appointments, so that only leaves me this afternoon to check the address Alison gave me when she called to make an appointment. My plan is to take Freya with me and combine it with a trip to Oxford Street, which is not too far from the Westminster Law School campus.
‘Oh, Will, I’m so sorry. I have to go out this afternoon, and I was planning to take Freya with me. I know it won’t be exciting for her, but… Anyway, how about we do something this evening?’
The smile drains from his face, and I know he wants to ask me where we’re going, but he would never pry, just like I don’t with him. ‘That’s fine.’
‘You’re welcome to come here this afternoon, though. You’ve got your key.’
‘No, that’s fine. I’ve got work to do at home.’ He turns away from me and watches Freya through the kitchen door. ‘Actually, why don’t I have Freya this afternoon for you, if that will help you out?’
Even when he’s dealing with disappointment, Will still finds it in his heart to show kindness by helping me out.
‘Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out,’ I say, though I know this will be better for Freya. Better for all of us. If I do find Alison then I don’t want my daughter anywhere near her.
‘Of course. You know I see her as my own daughter.’
I pull him into me, squeezing him tightly because he is such a good man, and right now, I really don’t deserve him.
* * *