In the kitchen Will pours himself a glass of wine and kisses me goodnight. It’s not the usual long kiss he gives me whenever we say goodbye, but I hope that’s just disappointment that we won’t be together tonight.
Once I’m ready for bed, I close the bedroom door, even though I usually leave it wide open in case Freya needs me, and get back to my search. This time I hunt for Dominic Bradford, and even though I start with the University of West London website, where he worked with Zach, there is no mention of him in the faculty list. It’s no surprise he no longer works there – things change and people move on. I put his name into Google but no search results reveal the person I’m looking for.
I have a vague recollection of what he looks like – dark hair too slick and groomed – but I never knew this man. He wasn’t a friend of Zach’s, not really. They were colleagues, but didn’t even work in the same department. The first time I met him was at the funeral, and I remember him taking my hand, telling me how sorry he was, that Zach was a great man, in spite of what people were saying. I remember being grateful he had turned up, when so many other colleagues – and even friends – had deliberately stayed away. He was clean-shaven, and had that look about him that advertised he thought too much of himself. Exactly how Alison Cummings described him.
I click to the next page of results and the top link is for a university website, and underneath the address is his name: Dominic Bradford. With a lump in my throat I click again and it takes me to the University of Westminster site. Moments later, I find out he is the head of the law department, and works at the Westminster Law School Site, near Euston station.
Finally, I am getting somewhere. This is the man who will lead me to Alison Cummings.
And then I will find out what she knows about my husband’s death.
Chapter Four
Josie
* * *
Over the last few weeks I’ve really pulled myself together. I’m at home, cocooned in my bedroom with my books, more often than I can be found in a bar, and to my surprise I’m happier than I’ve ever been.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint – not like Little Miss Prim, Alison – and I did find myself in the back seat of Anthony’s car last night, but I got out of there before things went too far. The thought of undressing him actually repulsed me, so he didn’t get more than some drunken kisses I put no effort into. I deleted his phone number the second I got home.
It’s the Christmas holidays now, but this morning I decided to come to university and study in peace. Alison’s parents are visiting and the thought of them playing happy families only metres away from me was too much to bear. Actually, there’s no playing involved. They are what anyone would consider a functional, happy family. They visit at least once every two weeks and whisk her off for lunch or dinner. I can’t imagine going for lunch with a parent, as they smile proudly at you. She doesn’t know how lucky she is, she really doesn’t.
So here I am, and the place is like a ghost town, most people only too pleased to be having a break, back in the welcoming embraces of their families, so I have my pick of the computers for a change.
A couple of hours later I’m in the middle of making notes for my Shakespeare assignment when someone taps me on the shoulder. Assuming it must be one of the librarians telling me they’re about to close up, I turn round, ready to beg for a bit more time, but it’s Zach Hamilton standing behind me.
He smiles at me and when he squeezes my shoulder, it’s like a bolt of electricity surging through me. I guess having a chat over an espresso and cigarette has made things more casual between us. ‘Hey, Josie, I’m pleased to see you here.’ There’s a huge grin on his face to back up what he’s saying.
‘Is that because this is the last place you thought you’d ever see me?’
He chuckles. ‘Let’s just say it seems you’ve made good progress since our last chat. You know, the one where you tried to choke me with your cigarette smoke.’
‘Very funny.’ I flick my hair back and then wonder what the hell I’m doing. Am I flirting with him? My eyes dart to his left hand, to the band of silver – or perhaps it’s platinum – circling his finger.
Of course he’s married.
He takes a seat in the computer chair next to me. ‘You know I’m just messing around. Seriously though, I’m proud of you. From what you were saying before, it’s been a bit of a battle for you to stay here.’
And to get here, I think, but I won’t tell him that. He doesn’t need to know where I’ve come from. After all, isn’t it where you’re going that’s more important?
‘Why are you here, though?’ I ask. ‘Don’t you have a family at home you should be with? Lecturers need a break too, don’t they?’
For a second his eyes flick to his hand, but then he looks up again. ‘I left my USB stick here in one of the computers,’ he says. ‘It’s got all my lectures for next semester on it so I had to come in and get it.’ He studies my face. ‘The computer in my office broke and they’re taking their time fixing it so I’ve been coming here to work. I’m not usually so disorganised, but never mind. Thankfully, Maggie over there’ – he gestures to the librarian – ‘checked the contents, realised it was mine and kept it for me.’
So he’ll be leaving any second. An emptiness fills my body, a feeling I can’t understand, and actually don’t even want to try. ‘Well, have a great Christmas,’ I say, closing my textbook. It’s nearly 3 p.m. and my stomach’s just begun to remind me I haven’t eaten a thing today.
‘You off then?’ he says. Is there disappointment in his tone, or do I just want there to be? People see and hear what they want to, don’t they?
I nod. ‘I need food. Need a break. I’ve been here over two hours.’
‘In that case I’ll walk out with you. Is your car in the car park?’
How does he know I drive? ‘Um, yep.’
‘Silver Polo, isn’t it?’
Now my heart is starting to leap around my body. ‘That’s right. The cheap one that’s about to fall apart any second. Are you my stalker or something?’ I grin to let him know I’m just messing around, but I can’t help wishing that he was.
He laughs. ‘No. Sorry to disappoint, but you drove right past me the other day. You don’t like speed limits, do you?’
This definitely sounds like me. Reckless. That’s what Liv called me once, and the funny thing is it was the first time she’d actually got me a bit right. ‘Well, I’m always in a rush,’ I tell Zach. ‘Life’s too short, isn’t it?’
He shakes his head at this. ‘Not at your age it shouldn’t be, Josie.’
Why does he keep saying my name? He needs to stop, because whenever he does, I melt like a silly schoolgirl.
‘Do you live far from here, then?’
‘Nope. I live by South Ealing station.’ I hold up my hand. ‘I know, I know, it’s barely a few minutes’ walk, and I usually do, but I was running late the other day. Didn’t want to miss my lecture.’ I could have lied, told him I had somewhere I had to go afterwards, but somehow I knew he wouldn’t judge me.
He grins. ‘And today?’
‘Um, today I have no excuse, actually.’
‘Well, we all have days like that. I certainly do. And can I confide in you?’
My heart almost stops. ‘Yeah. Course.’
‘I live in Ealing too, so I could quite easily walk here. Only I’m never up early enough to leave the house in time. But to be fair it would be a pretty long walk.’
‘Sod that!’ I say, and then I clamp my hand to my mouth as if I’ve sworn in front of a priest.
He laughs again, and it’s satisfying to know I can put a smile on his face.
‘Anyway, Josie, are you ready to go?’