What would I do if they stayed together? Watch them get engaged, move in, married, have kids?
I rubbed the ache roughly. “I’ll deal with that. I like to think I know her pretty well and if I think she’s got feelings for me, even if she doesn’t realise, then I’ll do the bastard thing and kiss the crap outta her. But unless I see that she feels something for me, it’s all on her terms.”
“Kids nowadays,” he said and tutted. “Well, when everything blows up I’ll be here.”
“How reassuring, Dad, thank you.”
Raising his hands over his head, he stood up. “If you will play games…”
“It’s not game playing, it’s called patience. But if patience doesn’t work I’ll just–”
“Kiss the crap outta her. Yeah, I got it. Good luck, Kai.” He left the room, laughing under his breath and shaking his head.
Tegan’s ring tone blasted through my phone. I had it answered and up to my ear in an instant. “Hey.”
“Hey, Kai,” she said.
“You okay?”
“I’m... good, I guess. Are you back at your nan’s now?”
“Err, no, I’m at the office. I’ll be at the hospital to see you later.”
“What? Kai, you should go back and spend the weekend with your family. I’m fine, really. I think I’m getting out later anyway.”
There was no way I was going anywhere. I couldn’t. Dad’d refused to leave, too. He was worried that if the worst happened I’d need someone.
“I don’t want to go back,” I said.
“I’m so sorry. I feel awful that I ruined your weekend.”
“You haven’t ruined my weekend.” She nearly gave me a heart attack but she hadn’t ruined my weekend. “Tegan, don’t feel guilty.”
“You’re mad?” she whispered.
Yes. “Don’t you ever do anything like that again.”
“I won’t. I was so…” She gulped and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how to explain it. There was just darkness and pain and I couldn’t breathe. There was no way out that didn’t hurt more than ending it. But I know I don’t want to die. I want to live and I want to do something that’ll make my dad proud of me.”
I closed my eyes and ran my hand through my hair. “I get it.” There had been many occasions in the four years I was lost that I’d considered ending it all. Difference was I’d never tried it. When it came down to it I couldn’t put my parents through the pain of burying another child.
“What time are you visiting?”
“I can’t come until one.”
“What? My mum’ll be here in a bit so just come now.”
It didn’t take a lot to convince me to go see her. “I’ll see you soon.” I replied.
“Bye.”
I hung up, feeling a little more relieved and a little less angry.
***
There was no one around when I got to the hospital. Well, there was but I avoided them and slipped through the ward door when the nurse’s back was turned.
Alison and Ava were already in her room and I could tell why she wanted me there. They were, understandably, watching her like a hawk; exchanging looks that screamed don’t let her out of your sight. I’d be the same but, fuck, Tegan must’ve felt suffocated.
Lucas was sitting in the corner of the room, drinking coffee. It was clear from the icy stare that he didn’t want me around. I couldn’t give a shit what he wanted, though.
“Hello, Kai,” Alison said at the same time Tegan looked up and beamed. That was why I was here. That petite girl that tied me up in knots and made everything seem that much better. Even though I’d made my peace with my past I still struggled with the darkness, struggled to keep it from sucking me back in but Tegan brought this light with her, not that she could see it. I was worried that she’d suck me back into the darkness but the opposite happened. She made me want to achieve more.
“Hey,” I said, giving her family a quick nod and making my way to the bed. “Know when you’re getting out yet?”
She turned her nose up. “They’re doing the paperwork. Apparently I should be out soon. Sorry, they told me just a minute ago or I wouldn’t have asked you to come.”
“Don’t worry, it’s fine. Hey, I spoke to my mum last night and she said add a Monday to your sessions. That day good?”
“Perfect, thank you.”
She looked over to her mum. “Please? I don’t want to talk to some stranger.”
Alison nodded. “Whoever you’re comfortable with, sweetheart, remember what Judy said, you have to be comfortable. I’ll speak with her and perhaps she can contact Melanie, too.”
“Thanks, Mum.” Tegan turned to me. “Tell Melanie I’m in then,” Tegan said, grinning up at me.
“Will do,” I replied, trying not to get lost in her big, bright green eyes right in front of her family and Pukas. Dad was right, I was completely in love with her.
Chapter Forty-Three
Tegan
“Do you want something to eat or drink?” Mum asked, rearranging the blanket so it was fully covering my legs.