I spend the next two days in a state of total devastation, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I call Gabe but he doesn’t answer, I text instead, asking how Ava is, he doesn’t reply. I just don’t know what to do for the best; I don’t want to go back to the hospital in case Nina is there, but I want to be with Gabe. I have no idea if he wants me there, if he wants me anywhere, that’s why I haven’t been back home, I don’t know if it is my home anymore, I don’t know anything, except that I am hurt, angry, humiliated and so, so lonely. My friends and family have called and I have told them that I am fine and staying up in the city to be with Gabe and to visit Ava. Added to all of this, I have had the most excruciating stomach cramps and I am spotting again and in all honesty, that is now actually starting to worry me, these past couple of months I have been putting the pain and blood down to too much sex, but I haven’t had sex since last Saturday and today is Thursday. My head and my heart feel heavy as I climb into the shower, at least this morning I have pulled myself together enough to get out of bed, I have had the Do Not Disturb sign on the door since I got here and have not left the bed, all I have done is cry but after two days of tears and not feeling any better and getting no interaction from Gabe, I need to decide what I am actually going to do.
I turn Adele up as loud as my phone will play, I turn the water to slightly hotter than I can actually bear and stand in the shower letting it sting my skin as I cry some more. I’m choking on the words of ‘make you feel my love’ as I stand with my head leaning against my arms on the back wall of the shower, trying to keep my cast out of the water, when I just sense him there; I keep my eyes closed and try to catch my breath when I feel his arms slide around me and his bare chest press against my back, I tilt my head to the side as I feel his whiskers scratch against my shoulder and the side of my neck. I feel dizzy for a few seconds, I think it’s the sudden rush of adrenalin caused by his presence, his touch, him. He kisses my ear and I let out a sound that’s somewhere between a moan and a sob. He bites my left shoulder and drags his teeth across the back of my neck to my right, he brushes his fingertips lightly up and down my arms and despite the scalding water I shudder; he plants feather light kisses all the way down my spine and then on each of my bum cheeks as his fingers tips stroke up and down the outside of my legs. He turns me around to face him as he remains on his knees; he kisses down the middle of my belly and across to each of my hips, then down to between my legs as he brings his hand up and strokes me; he nudges my legs apart with his shoulder and I willingly oblige as he pushes his fingers inside me and flicks his tongue over my clit.
My heart and my head pound as I grab his hair, I want him to fuck me harder than I’ve ever been fucked before but I also want to rip handfuls of his hair out of his head, claw lumps of skin from his face and spit and stamp on him as he lays on the floor and bleeds for the way he has left me feeling these past few days; I pull his head back so he has to look up at me and I let out a heaving sob as his eyes meet mine, “You left me.”
He slides up my body and slams his mouth on mine, both his hands holding my face so I can’t move my face.
“Never, I would not, I will never leave you” he sobs into my mouth.
He lifts me up as I wrap my legs around him and slides into me as I am pressed into the corner of the shower but it’s not enough, I want him harder, faster, I want it to hurt so that I know for sure that he is really here. Gabe slides to the floor and sits back on his knees as he fills me completely; I keep my legs wrapped around him but my feet on the floor as he holds onto my hips, helping me move up and down; I dig my nails into his shoulders as I lean away from him and look right into tired, bloodshot, beautiful, blue eyes.
“You left me,” I sob again.
“I love you, I will never leave you, never, do you hear me, I fucking love you Lauren, always, forever and always.”
He’s crying as hard as I am, I take his face in my hands and he does the same to me and without breaking eye contact and without barely moving, we come, together, he almost kisses me to death, my mouth, my cheeks, my eyes, nose, I can hardly get a breath in as his mouth smothers me again. He puts one hand on the wall for balance and carries me out of the shower and the bathroom, into the bedroom and lays me on the bed. He’s grabbed two towels on the way and wraps one around his hips as he stands and one around me as he pulls me into his lap and begins to dry me. I look up into his handsome face and run my hand over his jaw, enjoying the feel of his whiskers; I push my thumb into the dimple of his chin and up to brush over his bottom lip, he drags his teeth over it and flicks his tongue over the pad and I let out a slight moan at his actions and within a split second I am on my back and he is in me…
An hour later, I am on top of him, straddling his hips, his finally softening cock still inside me; my knees are bent up either side of him, my head resting on his chest, both his arms are around me as he strokes over my back and my arse cheeks, he kisses my head and my hair continuously. “She said it was my fault, she said I helped put her there.”
He goes completely still, then pulls me so tightly to him I can hardly breathe, I struggle till I free myself from his grip and sit up, I need to see his face; he sits up with me so we are face to face.