“I suppose I deserve that, the comment about Jay I mean, but don’t, do not ever question my feelings for your daughter, I love her like she’s my own and you fucking know that.”
He totally ignores me and just looks at Ava and goes back to holding her hand. I kiss both of them and say, “I will go and get you some clothes and toiletries, I’m sure there’s somewhere here for parents to take a shower, I will bring you something back to eat as well, I won’t be long.”
Once again he blanks me and I fight back the tears. All the way to the hotel and back I tell myself that he’s not himself, he doesn’t mean what he’s saying, this isn’t about me, I need to stop with the pity party and just be there for him, I need to step up, take the shit that he is going to throw at me and be the person he deserves, he’s just lost his Dad, he thought he was going to lose me and his daughter is in a fight for her life right now.
“Lauren?”
“Sorry, what?”
“I won’t come back up, I have to get the kids from school, Stella will be there later, go to the pizza shop around the corner, he likes the Spicy Mexicana from there and just take what he says with a pinch of salt, he loves you, that’s why he’s lashing out at you.”
I smile and nod and grab the holdall with Gabe’s clean clothes in and go and buy him a pizza before making my way back to the hospital. My heart quite literally stops when I walk onto the ward and it’s not Ava in the bed next to the nurses’ station, luckily one of the nurses sees my face and tells me she has been moved into a side room. I don’t think I can take much more, my heart, my head, I just can’t take any more. She shows me to the room and it’s much better than being out on the ward. Gabe is as he was and still holding Ava’s hand, I watch from the doorway for a few seconds and then breeze in, my fake smile plastered to my face.
I put down the bag and slide the pizza box on the tray table; I walk over and give Ava a kiss and then around to Gabe and give him a kiss on the top of his head, “I’ve got clean clothes, toiletries and a Spicy Mexicana pizza, what would you like first?”
“You came back?”
“It would appear so, why wouldn’t I have, like I told you earlier, this is where I want to be, with my family.”
He stands from the chair and pulls me to him, pressing his lips into my hair; I know he’s sorry, I know he didn’t mean any of it and I actually don’t want him feeling bad for it, he’s hurting, I want to be the one he lashes out at, I want and need to be the one, if the roles were reversed, I can only imagine what he would do for me, what sort of shit he would take from me, he’s already proved that on more than one occasion, now it’s my turn, it’s what couples do, they are there for each other and I am suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that, I really do want to be his wife, I want him in every way and for him to be mine in every way and I trust him implicitly to never break whatever vows we choose to make to each other. I actually feel a sense of calm and peace wash over me as I come to this conclusion, this decision; I just hope he still bloody wants me now.
Gabe eats his pizza, I wave it under Ava’s nose, asking her to guess what it is, he doesn’t laugh, he barely smiles, he doesn’t make any kind of conversation with me but as long as he knows I’m there for him, with him, that’s all that matters. I finally convince him to go and take a shower, promising to fetch him if there is any change; while he’s in the bathroom I sit and chat to Ava as if she were laying on our bed at home, waiting for me to get ready, something she likes to do, she usually tells me about her week and she gives me her opinion on whatever outfit I pull out of my wardrobe. So today, I tell her about the Palmers house and the colour scheme and I make fun of Karen Palmers terrible taste, I am in the middle of telling her about my first run in with Dave the Site Manager, when somebody says behind me, “Who the fuck are you?”
I turn to see a woman of around forty standing just inside the door; she’s tall, slim and she has long straight brown hair and a pretty face, she reminds me a little bit of Calista Flockhart or is it Ally McBeal, I’m never sure? She has a large bag with her and I can only assume this is Nina, Ava looks nothing like her and for some reason my inner bitch is glad of that fact.
I stand from my chair. “I’m Lauren, Lauren Day, I’m Gabe’s partner.”
I hate that word ‘partner’ but I don’t know what else to call myself, I’m far too old to be any one’s girlfriend, I don’t offer my hand and she doesn’t offer her name, instead she looks me up and down and then gives a little snorty kind of laugh. Friend or enemy darling? Your call, I’m still undecided.
“So you’re the famous Lauren and you’re no longer Gabe’s girlfriend but his partner now, partner in what may I ask?”
Enemy it is then – bring it on biatch.
“Oh you know this and that, life, love, the odd crime and lots and lots of hot kinky sex.”