I reached across the island where she sat down and took her hand. “You won’t and I’m glad you’re not letting your doubts control you anymore.”
“I’m working on it. I want normal, healthy relationships and the ability to actually tell people the truth about where I’m at and what’s going on.”
I couldn’t believe we were having this conversation. For once Nell was talking about what she wanted and it wasn’t just the same old ‘lots of great sex’ comments. These were real things about her future. That didn’t mean she wanted me in the picture when she spoke about her new start, though.
“You’ll get there.”
“Damn straight. I’m trying not to rush myself. Right now I still revert back to relationships equal carnage. But it’s a start that I know I want to change, right?”
I ran my thumb over her knuckles. “It’s a great start. I’m so happy to hear you say that, all I want is for you to be happy.”
“What about you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah. These last few weeks have all been about me and while I appreciate you being there I would really like to not talk about my life for a little while. What do you want? You know, besides cars, mansions and pools.”
“I just want to be happy, wherever that is. Maybe it’s because I’m growing up, I don’t know, but I want to share my life with someone. I want to be as happy as Lance and Ivory and Chloe and Logan. I used to pity people in relationships, having to consider someone else all the time but when I see them together, I see the work is worth it. I want to be solid with someone.”
I want to be solid with you.
She smiled and her face softened and eyes brightened. “Sounds nice, huh.”
“It does. One day.”
The air between us thickened and she seemed to breathe a little shallower. Silence stretched in front of us and even though we didn’t talk, a thousand words were spoken. We’d made progress. We may not be jumping into anything major but we were committed to sticking together and seeing if we could make a relationship work, however long it took.
Nell
Damon drove us to the coast. I was very ready to get away for the day. He was right; a change of scenery was exactly what I needed for a while. He’d chosen a beach that wasn’t popular with tourists and there was even a picnic in the back. Everything had been thought through.
We parked on the seafront and Damon grabbed the picnic basket and blanket. He then got two hot pink buckets and spades out of the boot. For the first time in what felt like years, I laughed.
“When did you get those?” I asked.
“About ten minutes ago in the garage we stopped at for petrol.”
Why hadn’t I immediately seen that and taken the piss?
“Well, the colour suits you,” I teased.
He grinned. “I know.”
Taking my hand, we walked down the footpath towards the sandy beach. Seeing such a masculine man with a fully toned body and inked arms and back holding a picnic basket, red blankets and pink buckets gave me the lift I so desperately needed right now.
“Where do you want to sit?” I asked as he walked us in a zig zag along the sand.
“Not sure yet. A little further up away from the carpark.”
The beach was relatively clear with only a few people milling around and the odd kid running along the edge of the sea. Damon finally found his perfect space and laid the blanket out. He held his hand out, gesturing for me to sit down and followed me, sitting opposite.
No one had ever looked more out of place than he did in such a…normal and romantic picture. “You want to eat before we built a manly castle?”
I tilted my head. “How exactly is it going to be manly?”
His eyes lit up with humour. “I’ll build a big moat around it.”
“Oh, of course. A moat cancels out you making tiny castles with sand in bright pink buckets.” I narrowed my eyes. “You’re doing this because you secretly want to do this, aren’t you?”
He cocked his eyebrow and pointed at me. His gaze turned intense. “I’m doing this for that reason.”
“What reason?”
Reaching across he brushed his thumb along my bottom lip. “For that smile.”
Oh.
He dropped his arm and flipped the lid open on the basket. Inside was a bucket of chicken from KFC, chocolate, crisps and coke.
“Wow, that’s some picnic, Damon.”
“I don’t bake or shit. This is about as good as it’s going to get.”
“This is perfect. Who needs healthy?”
“That’s what I think,” he said, taking a bite of a wing.
I ate quickly, too eager to get to the part where he’s collecting damp sand in a pink bucket to make his manly castle.
“Have you thought any more about visiting your dad?” He asked.
I shook my head. “Well, I have but I can’t do it yet. I feel bad because I know he wouldn’t have wanted her to die. The guilt he must be feeling… But I’m not ready to face him yet. Is that selfish?”