*
Cara made her way back to Riverdale. An hour ride turned into three due to the weather conditions. Yet she made it back in one piece and now she sat in the basement of the Saint Bernard’s church reciting the Serenity prayer along with her peers that battle addiction every day. Some were strangers, others were familiar faces she had seen at previous meetings.
“God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change; Courage to change the things we can; And wisdom to know the difference.” They prayed in unison before the group leader who was also a minister spoke.
“Before we begin I’d like to take a moment to congratulate Cynthia on one hundred and eighty days of sobriety.” He stood and walked over to her handing her a pin to commemorate her accomplishment. Everyone, including Cara, clapped proudly.
Cynthia stood up after hugging the minister and looked around the small group of people. “One hundred and eighty days may seem like nothing to some people, but it has been an eternity for me. There were good days like today, today is a really good day. And there were bad days, but I found the courage to make it through those days. I want to be clean because for the first time in my life I am dreaming. Dreaming of all the things I can be and that I can have. I’m determined not to let drugs take my dreams from me. My dreams are too important to throw away and I learned that with the help of my sponsor. I’m not going to pretend I have it all figured out because I don’t and I don’t know if I ever will. But I recommend for anyone who is struggling with addiction to have a sponsor. I don’t know where I’d be without mine.”
Cara listened to Cynthia intently and then watched as she sat down. She was greeted with more applause and then she walked over to who Cara assumed was her sponsor and hugged the older gentleman.
“Do we have any volunteers to start us off this evening?” The minister asked once Cynthia found her seat.
Cara found herself raising her hand and the minister’s eyes fell onto her. He nodded encouragingly.
“My name is Cara and I am an addict. I’m 93 days clean.” She said with a small smile and then looked down at her hands that sat in her lap. “But tonight I almost gave into my demons.” She glanced up and saw she had everyone’s undivided attention. “I drove into Pine Bush to buy my boyfriend a Christmas present.” She paused for a moment, allowing the fact that she had called Luke her boyfriend, for the first time, to settle in. “The girl who rang me up was polite and stayed open until I finished my purchase, even though her dad was waiting outside to drive her home. There was something familiar about her eyes, but I couldn’t place it. Then I was getting into my car and I watched as her dad helped her pull the gate down to the store. He turned around and I stared at him. I stared at my father, whom I hadn’t seen in fifteen years. The man who couldn’t pick up the pieces of his life, when his wife died, leaving him to be a single parent. He took away my childhood, he broke me, and he beat me and when I left, he never even looked for me.” She wiped at her eyes. “There he was standing across the street being the perfect dad to another girl. The pain cut me like a knife slicing open every wound I thought was closed. And the only thing I wanted to do was erase the pain and the only way I knew how was to pop as many pain killers as I could.” She lifted her gaze and met the minister’s. “I drove here instead.”
“You made a good decision Cara, you didn’t give in.” The minister said.
“I didn’t want to. I wanted to get high. It was my first instinct.” Cara said confused.
“And it may always be but you have to find your way to overcome that instinct.” He said.
“I’m sober four years and it’s still my first instinct when something goes wrong.” This came a dark hair young man sitting in the back, Cara turned to face him as he spoke. “But it’s easier now to choose my sobriety over shooting heroin.”
“If you don’t have one already you should really try to find a sponsor. It makes it so much easier to talk to someone who has been there, done that, you know?” Cynthia added.