Jim sat down in the recliner positioned directly across from the sofa and looked at her for a moment before he spoke. “When did you see me?”
“Right before Christmas, I was picking up a present at the hobby shop that your daughter works at. I didn’t know she was your daughter, but even then I couldn’t stop staring at her.”
“You have the same eyes. You and Claire, that’s her name.” He said softly.
Cara nodded and smiled slightly as his face softened at the mention of her sister. Was there ever a time he spoke of her that made his eyes soften the way they did when he spoke of Claire? “Anyway, after I purchased the gift I ran across the street to get a cup of coffee before I made my way back to Riverdale. I looked back towards the hobby shop and I saw you. I watched you pull the gate down for her. It was snowing, and the forecast was calling for a major storm.” She smiled faintly. “You wanted to make sure she got home safely.”
Jim looked down at his hands on his lap and didn’t say a word. Cara studied her father, debating if she should go on or not. She didn’t remember her father having so many tattoos, but from what she could see through the barrier of his clothing, he was covered in them. His hair had thinned some and he kept the black and gray hairs pulled back into a neat ponytail. He still wore glasses, just as she remembered. There was something different though, something that marked his face, something she had never seen before.There was a long, puckered scar that ran from his temple down his left cheek. The flesh no longer puckered pink, bringing Cara to the conclusion it was from years ago and not something new. “I was curious and the more I tried to push you or the fact that I had a sister, out of my mind, I couldn’t.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve had a really rough year.” Jim lifted his head and those eyes of his softened in concern as he looked back at her curiously. They did turn soft for her too, go figure. “That’s part of the reason I am here too.”
“Are you in trouble? Do you need…” He stammered.
“No, I’m fine.” She interrupted quickly.
“You said you had a rough year.” Jim probed, crossing his right leg over his left knee.
“Yeah,” She nodded before smiling sadly as she thought about the journey her life had taken her on. “Jake Lanza died this year, you remember him don’t you?” She watched as her father’s eyes widened while he shifted in his seat. “He had cancer, Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”
“I’m sorry. I assume you two were still very close.” Jim said before clearing his throat, uncomfortably.
“I was going to marry him.” She whispered and sub-consciously reached for her locket. “He tried to fight it.” She shook her head. “He was the strongest person I knew. He was more scared of what his death would do to me, than actually dying. For a long while he was all I had.”
“I know.” Jim said sadly.
“Do you?” Cara asked sincerely. “Because it didn’t have to be that way, I had already lost one parent, I didn’t really have to lose my father too, did I?”
“Cara I… I’ve done things I am not proud of. I was a pathetic mess after your mother passed away.”
“You made me feel like you wished it had been me instead of her that died.”
“I know and I can only hope you believe me when I tell you, I am not proud of the man I was. The truth is I didn’t wish it was you that died, I wished it was me. The fact that Corinne had died and left me to raise you, killed me. I didn’t know the first thing about being a father. It should’ve been me. I became an alcoholic about a year after your mom passed. I couldn’t control myself. I had no regard for anything, least of all you. My only concern was washing away the pain and the only way I knew how was the bottle.”
Cara swallowed hard against the lump that had formed in her throat. “I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” She stared into her father’s eyes. “I’m an addict too. After Jake died, I became addicted to his prescribed pain medication.” Jim closed his eyes for a moment a pained expression crossing his face. “Like I said I had a rough year, I was a bit of a mess, but I made my way out of it.”
“That’s good. You didn’t waste years being an addict like I did. That’s real good, Cara. I was drunk your whole childhood, and when you became old enough to answer me and point out what a failure I was. It was too late for me to get those years back. You already knew the real me, the man that was a monster.”