Now it was him not finishing his sentence.
‘If I hadn’t met Thomas first, if things had been different . . .’ she said, then stopped herself. It was stupid to talk like this. If she hadn’t been engaged to Thomas then she’d never have ended up here. She probably would have been working with the Red Cross closer to home. ‘Thomas is the only reason we met. If it wasn’t for him our paths might never have crossed.’
‘But if we had met?’ James insisted. ‘Would you have said yes if I’d asked you to wait for me until the war was over? If I’d been the one to meet you? If you weren’t engaged to any man before we’d met?’
Scarlet knew she should lie, keep her true feelings hidden, but she couldn’t. ‘If I’d met you first, my answer would have been yes.’
James stared at her, and she did her best to stay still as the ship moved roughly beneath their feet. The lurch came from nowhere, flinging her sideways towards the railings. She reached frantically for him as he caught her and held her close again, much closer this time. He steadied her, his heart beating so loud that with her head to his chest she could hear it pounding.
She lifted her chin to look up at him as his hands went to her arms, to push her back. Scarlet slipped her free hand around his neck, anchored herself to him as his lips met hers. She should have pulled away, but like the first time, she didn’t. Who knew whether they would survive their trip to France? Who knew if she’d ever see James again, or Thomas for that matter? It was a goodbye kiss – the end – and it would never, ever happen again.
Scarlet forgot everything else and enjoyed the taste and feel of James, the warmth of his mouth and the closeness of his body as they embraced. Then the ship heaved again, lurched violently, and Scarlet completely lost her balance as a wave came crashing over the edge and on to the deck.
‘You’d think we’d be spared, wouldn’t you?’ James muttered loudly. ‘We’re going into battle and I can’t even get a few minutes’ peace with a beautiful girl.’
Another wave crashed against the boat, and this time Scarlet screamed, the moment they’d just shared quickly forgotten.
‘Below decks!’ someone bellowed as James grabbed her hand tight and raced with her away from the edge and back towards the gangway.
The ship turned hard, jerked to the left, and Scarlet lost her grip on James’s hand as he was thrown further away. She fell, her hip slamming into the deck.
‘James!’ she screamed, suddenly terrified of the water that was sporadically splashing on board, the cold wetness soaking into her clothes as she lay sprawled on the deck, instantly freezing her skin.
She scrambled up, stumbling again, until suddenly his strong arms were around her. This time they ran faster, dashing down into relative safety. But her heart was still racing and she was soaked through, which wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t against the rules to undress.
‘You all right?’ he asked, still holding her tight.
She nodded. ‘I’ll be fine. I think.’
‘I have to go,’ James whispered, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek, eyes lingering on hers. ‘I’m sorry.’
Scarlet nodded bravely, remembering his brother with eyes almost as dark saying the same words to her before he left for war. Only she wasn’t sure whether James was saying sorry for kissing her, or for leaving. She had a feeling she wouldn’t see him again, a knot of dread deep in her belly telling her that she was going to lose both of them. It might spare her the hardship of living with what she’d done, but the heartache, she knew, would be unbearable.
‘They’ve seen enemy submarines!’ someone yelled.
Scarlet turned away for the barest second, and when she looked back James was gone. She plucked at her trousers, wishing she hadn’t been stupid enough to go out on deck when they’d been instructed not to. She searched for Ellie, touching her lips with her fingertips, remembering the fleeting kiss that had stolen her breath away.
‘That’s why we lurched suddenly. The blasted enemy is right here under the water with us. Same last night when we were sleeping,’ Ellie suddenly whispered in her ear, turning up out of nowhere. ‘Spencer told me. He said that’s why we’re zigzagging along the coast.’
Scarlet slipped her arm around her friend. ‘Have you been with Spencer?’
‘You’d know if you hadn’t been sneaking around with lover boy.’
Ellie’s arched eyebrow made Scarlet laugh. At least her friend didn’t seem to think less of her for falling for her fiancé’s brother; Scarlet appreciated how non-judgemental she was.
‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be making jokes like that now we know he’s, well . . .’
‘My fiancé’s brother,’ Scarlet finished for her. ‘I deserved that, but I won’t be seeing him again, not like that.’ She shut her eyes then quickly opened them when an image of James blurred into her vision. ‘What did Spencer say?’
‘He told me that another ship has been lost,’ Ellie murmured into her ear quietly, so no one else could hear. ‘Something about a mine being dislodged from its moorings and hitting them, and everyone on board being presumed dead.’
Scarlet shuddered. ‘Does he think we’ll make it?’ She was frightened, more than she’d ever been in her life.
‘He told me to stay below decks and pray.’
Scarlet didn’t want to say it, especially when she’d always believed faithfully without question, but she was starting to doubt whether there was a God up there in the sky who could help them. If He could, surely He wouldn’t be letting this happen?
‘Are you going to have dinner?’ Scarlet asked.
Ellie groaned. ‘I can’t eat more porridge. I just can’t.’
‘The bread then. At least we know that stays down,’ Scarlet said matter-of-factly, even though the stale bread was so disgusting she could barely swallow it without choking.
‘Have you had your chocolate yet?’ Ellie asked, eyebrows raised, eyes hopeful.
Scarlet blew out the breath she’d been holding. ‘No. But now seems like as good a time as any.’
If she died tonight at the mercy of an enemy submarine, she would at least have James in her heart and chocolate on her lips. And Thomas, she thought to herself. She needed to hold Thomas close to her heart, too. Because without her believing that he was alive, what hope could he possibly have?
They walked together, feet unsteady but with their arms linked, back to their billet, and fell into their bunks. Around them, other nurses were already in bed, snoring softly.
Scarlet reached inside her kitbag and pulled out two little squares of chocolate, wishing she had an entire parcel of sweet treats. She gave one to Ellie, who wriggled close to her, and then they both held up their pieces.
‘To making it safely to France,’ Scarlet said, touching hers to Ellie’s.