‘To making it home safely from France,’ Ellie said instead.
They both nibbled carefully, trying to make it last as long as possible. It wasn’t the best chocolate Scarlet had ever eaten, but compared to stone-cold porridge that looked like slop for pigs, and bread so dry and stale it was almost impossible to digest, she wasn’t about to complain. She only hoped that one day she’d be back home eating roast lamb with lashings of gravy and potatoes piled high, finished with any kind of pudding served with cream.
Some more nurses filed in and settled into their bunks.
‘Tell me something funny,’ Scarlet whispered as they lay back, huddled together. Her trousers were still damp, but even if they’d been dry she still would have been cold. Their quarters were dismal, not fit for an animal let alone fifty nurses, and the cold was a wet kind of chill, the type that was impossible to ignore. They’d all been outraged over not being able to bathe or undress, but in truth, Scarlet knew she would have been too cold to take her clothes off anyway. A quick splash of water to her face and neck had been more than enough.
Ellie made a noise deep in her throat, sighing before pushing up on one elbow beside her. Scarlet pulled the blanket up higher over both of them.
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know. Anything funny since the war began.’ She felt her stomach heave as the boat shuddered and turned hard. ‘I’m not letting this chocolate come back up! Tell me anything to keep my mind off it.’
She’d never felt so delicate, and right now she could so easily reach for her paper bag and be sick, violently sick. Over and over until there was nothing left in her stomach.
‘Oh, I know something that’ll make you laugh.’ Ellie giggled to herself. ‘It’s a bomb story.’
‘Sounds hil-arious.’ Scarlet grinned back at her friend, feeling better already.
Ellie poked out her tongue. ‘It was in London. I’d been doing my training and a nice man had asked me out for lunch. We were walking to the restaurant, but it wasn’t going so well; he was awfully shy. Then there was this huge bang, an explosion, that sent us ducking for cover.’ Ellie wriggled even closer as rain lashed above, the noise impossible to drown out even if they’d had music to play or songs to sing loudly with the others.
Scarlet hated the groans and creaks the most, as if the boat couldn’t possibly withstand the unpredictable weather and sudden changes in direction. She put the last tiny bit of chocolate into her mouth and let it slowly dissolve.
‘I’m supposed to laugh about you hitting the pavement during a bombing?’ Scarlet asked.
‘No, don’t be silly. The funny part was lying there, terrified, waiting for the drone of another plane, so tired from the longest nursing shift of my life and thinking I was about to die and wondering why the sirens hadn’t gone off until then, then glancing over at Matthew, my date, and seeing fluffy little white things landing on his head. I laughed, then he laughed, and we lay there looking at one another, cheeks pressed to the cold concrete, watching feathers fall all around us like soft flakes of snow.’
‘I don’t get it,’ Scarlet said, smiling at the picture it painted, but not understanding the story fully. ‘Where had the feathers come from?’
‘The bomb had landed on a pillow factory nearby, and all the feathers just exploded around us. It was awful and just so, so funny at the same time. We lay there laughing until we cried.’
Scarlet laughed along with Ellie, imagining what it must have been like, reliving it with her. She’d never become used to the drone of planes or the sound of ack-ack guns, and she doubted she’d be able to hear a plane fly over without cringing ever again in her lifetime. But she could imagine how hilarious it must have been, surrounded by feathers when braced for the worst.
‘Your turn,’ Ellie said softly as more nurses came in, no doubt wanting to curl up into balls and try to sleep the nausea and terror away. If she wasn’t talking to Ellie, she’d be trying to do the same.
‘I know I asked you first, so I should have had something to share, but I can’t think of anything funny,’ Scarlet confessed.
The boat lurched again and Ellie rolled closer, almost landing on top of Scarlet. She wanted to make a joke that Spencer would have loved her in his quarters right now all jumpy and wanting to be comforted, but she was just too scared and couldn’t get the words out.
‘Anything,’ Ellie whispered. ‘Just talk, tell me a story, any story.’
‘Well . . .’ Scarlet dragged the word out, gasping when the ship pitched again. She tried not to think about enemy submarines and bombs and ships being capsized, desperately thinking back, trying to pull something from her memory that would keep them entertained.
‘Talk to me about James then,’ Ellie suddenly whispered, not in danger of anyone hearing them given how much chatter was going on around them now – a constant low hum of noise. ‘I know he’s Thomas’s brother, but you can’t help how you feel.’
‘It’s like my heart is being tugged in two completely different directions,’ Scarlet said honestly. ‘When I’m with him, if I forget about the fact that he is the one man who should be forbidden, I start to doubt my true feelings for Thomas. Before I knew who he was, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and now it’s even worse. I am questioning why I thought Thomas was the one, whether it was only because he was leaving that I said yes so quickly to marrying him.’
‘So is it true? Do you think you were really in love with him?’ Ellie asked. ‘Or not?’
She wished it was a simpler question, that she could make sense of what was going on in her heart and her head. ‘When I close my eyes and go back in time, I know that what I felt for Thomas was true. He would have made me happy, he did make me happy, but it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen him, that’s all. The doubts I have only started when I met James. Maybe I love Thomas, but I’m also falling for James, if it’s even possible to have feelings like that for two men at the same time.’
It was true. In her heart she’d remained faithful and determined, that Thomas would come home, that they would be married. Then James had come along and confused her. But could she feel love so quickly for a man she’d only just met? She gulped, embarrassed at her feelings and at admitting them so openly to Ellie.
‘He’s so different from Thomas. I suppose he’s younger and more free with his words. He seems so much fun, and when he looks at me . . .’ Scarlet’s voice trailed off. ‘Thomas used to make me feel warm inside, happy and content. But James . . .’ She sighed. ‘James makes me feel like I’m on fire, as if I’m burning from the inside out whenever he looks at me or touches me. It’s all so silly, when I’ve known them both for such a short time.’