‘So one is warmth and stability,’ Ellie mused aloud. ‘The other is fire and excitement and making your heart race.’
Scarlet nodded. ‘Yes. I’m afraid that Thomas will always be the right choice, but now that I’ve become close to James, maybe warmth won’t be enough.’ It sounded pathetic, she knew that, when so many people were losing their lives to this war, losing their loved ones. But she couldn’t help the internal battle she was facing. ‘I want to feel that spark of crazy happiness every time my future husband kisses me, and it was so long ago that I was with Thomas, so many months, that I suppose I don’t truly remember what it was like with him. To kiss him like that.’
‘If you find Thomas? If he is alive?’ Ellie asked. ‘What then?’
‘I lock away my feelings for James and live the life I was supposed to live with Thomas. I have to; I promised him. I gave him my word that we would marry upon his return.’ Scarlet hoped he wasn’t terribly injured or maimed, but she had told him she would marry him, and marry him she would. Her parents would never forgive her for changing her mind when she’d promised, and she would never forgive herself, either. ‘James might be forward and dashing, but he’s a gentleman and he’s given me his word that we’ll never speak of what happened between us again. I mean, if we’d known, it would never have happened in the first place!’
‘So you would marry Thomas, even if it was the wrong choice?’ Ellie asked, looking like she disapproved from the frown on her face.
‘Thomas is the right choice,’ Scarlet affirmed. ‘As soon as I see him again, as soon as we’re together, things will go back to normal. Or as normal as they can, given what we’re going through.’
‘What if Thomas is gone?’ Ellie murmured.
Scarlet slid further down into her bed, closing her eyes as she tried to push the thoughts away.
‘He’s not gone,’ she said, for some reason more certain than ever that he was still alive, her voice firm. ‘I know that he’ll come back, I just know it.’ Ellie’s fingers began a slow, steady stroke on her back as Scarlet turned away from her, comforting her as she quietly began to cry. She was never the girl obsessing over boys or being silly, and now she was stuck in the middle of a love triangle that felt impossible. It wasn’t a matter of choosing – it wasn’t that simple. She couldn’t switch from one brother to another. It wasn’t done. Her parents would never forgive her, and her future in-laws would think she was a terrible kind of woman, surely, and she would never be able to forgive herself. Not to mention the fact that James had promised to stand back and not pursue his feelings for her.
He threaded his fingers through hers as they walked, slowly, across the grass, the sun beating down on her face as she tilted her cheeks upwards. Quiet days were a rarity, and she was enjoying every bit of this one.
‘Have you ever thought about how many children you want?’
She pressed against Thomas, a smile playing quickly across her lips. ‘Two,’ she replied without having to think. ‘A boy and a girl.’
‘How about four?’
Scarlet swatted playfully at Thomas, seeing the smirk on his face. ‘I think we shall start with two in mind and see how we go.’
The thought of marrying Thomas made her giddy with happiness, knowing that one day, once this dreadful war was over, they’d be able to make a home and plan a family. There was nothing in the world she wanted more. It was all she’d ever wanted, to meet a nice man from a good family and have her own home.
‘And a dog,’ Thomas said. ‘When I’m home for good, I want a dog.’
She didn’t mind animals at all, and she liked the fact that he was thinking about their future together.
‘Then a dog we shall have.’
When Thomas raised her hand, still linked with his, and pressed a gentle kiss to it, Scarlet tingled from her toes all the way up her body. Everything about this gorgeous man felt right; she only had to hope and pray now that he made it home to her, when friends were losing their husbands and fiancés faster than she could keep up with.
CHAPTER TEN
Ellie
Normandy, 22 June 1944
Ellie’s stomach was doing cartwheels, and even though the ship had slowed and they were in a calmer stretch of water, she still felt like she could be sick. The cold porridge and stale bread were like permanent stodge in her stomach, making her feel thick around the middle and terribly unhealthy after so long without good food. They hadn’t been at sea long, but it felt like a lifetime. The rations had been awful for so long, and she was longing for fruit, anything that wasn’t stale or sloppy. Back at the hospital when she was training, they’d been permitted one orange a month, and she’d do anything to taste the sweetness of citrus now.
She squinted, looking ahead, shoulder to shoulder with so many other women all no doubt as eager as she to be on land again. There wasn’t a lot to see yet, but she didn’t want to miss her first true glance of France. Ellie pushed her hand into her pocket and pulled out half of an oat snack she’d been saving. Her stomach was growling violently, and she decided to enjoy it now rather than end up dropping it in the water by mistake. She had no idea how long it would be until they were allowed to rest anyway, and with the boat moving more slowly and surely through the water now, she hoped she could stomach it.
There were seemingly hundreds of other ships in the water, most heading in the same direction as they were, and Ellie wondered who was on board and what they were thinking. Whether they were a bundle of emotions like she was, or whether they were soldiers terrified of what they were about to face. She knew she was scared of what lay in wait for them, what it would be like – anxious about their fate.
A distant booming made her pulse quicken. She turned, swapping glances with one of the other nurses. The sound was followed by more distant gunfire, then another, louder bang. As they sailed closer, Ellie looked into the water, wondered what was poking out ahead. She squinted again, saw some kind of metal object half floating, and then further ahead what seemed to be the remains of a tanker.
She choked then, the oat snack stuck in her throat as something far more horrifying floated past. It was a body. A bloated human body in the water, dressed in uniform, the head covered in blood. One of theirs.
Ellie tried to focus on her breathing so she wasn’t sick, ready to throw up what she’d just eaten straight into the sea. But when she leaned over the railing again, looked back into the water, she saw another body. Then another.
Stepping back, reeling, body shaking, she slowly tried to gather herself. Other nurses had backed away, too, were leaving the posts at the railings they’d held for so long in eager anticipation of seeing land.
‘Ellie?’
Scarlet’s voice soothed her, the hand she placed on her shoulder calming her.
‘Did you see . . . ?’ she managed, looking into Scarlet’s wide eyes.