Her friend nodded. Ellie knew she didn’t have to say anything else.
It was almost dusk. The light was starting to fade, and Ellie was grateful that when they disembarked the water wouldn’t be so visible. The sight of their men floating like that, men so young they could have been her brothers, was not something she would ever, could ever, shake.
They’d been told the drill, that they’d be pulling into the artificial Mulberry B harbour built by the Allies, that they would need to set up camp, fend for themselves and help to establish their tent hospital. But no one had said anything about bodies, about how dangerous it would be, about what to truly expect upon arrival.
‘We’re together,’ Scarlet said beside her, voice loud and clear. ‘We said that we’d be fine as long as we weren’t separated, and we haven’t been. Think about that and only that.’
Ellie looked at the way Scarlet was standing, her chin high, gaze fixed ahead. If she hadn’t noticed the way she was clenching her other hand so tight that her knuckles were bright white, she would have thought that nothing troubled her. But she was right. They had one another – they weren’t alone – and that’s what mattered right now.
The ship slowed to a stop as they neared the harbour, and Ellie decided to keep her eyes trained high, not looking into the water at all as long as she stepped forward with Scarlet safely by her side. She was a nurse in the army. She had trained for this. She was a lieutenant. Without women like her, even more boys would be floating dead in the water, and she didn’t want that happening on her watch.
The sound of gunfire was continuous now and although it wasn’t close, it was still unnerving. But it wasn’t the noise of war that made Ellie cry, tears silently slipping down her cheeks. It was the cheer that went up from soldiers standing near the harbour, waving and calling out the moment they saw all the women on board, that made the lump form in her throat. The booms echoing around died away, and the noise in her ears was more of a roaring sound that had nothing to do with the surrounding war and everything to do with emotion.
She braced herself, didn’t want to break down when she was usually stronger than that. But she missed her brothers, and these men reminded her of them. She missed the way they’d always teased her, the laughter around their dinner table, their fondness when they saw her worried about something, all jokes aside. She was strong; with three brothers she’d had to be exceptionally strong, and all she wished for now was to be home safely with them. To be done with this dreadful war that she was only just entering. And to stop worrying about where on the boat Spencer was or what might happen to him before they were together at their field hospital. Her stomach heaved.
‘Ladies, we will be disembarking shortly. You need to put on your life jackets and be ready to get into the landing crafts,’ Matron said curtly, without any hint of emotion. ‘Follow the sergeant’s directions, do whatever you’re told, and then on arrival please await my instructions. I expect you to wait in an orderly manner on the beach.’
Ellie stood straighter, preparing to leave the boat that had been their relatively safe haven for the past few days. It had seemed terrifying being at sea in the storms, moving haphazardly down the coast, but compared to getting off the boat right now and heading into a war zone, the old ship was starting to feel a whole lot safer than she’d given it credit for.
She put on her Mae West, their nickname for the bulky life vests they had to wear. She knew what she had to do next, they’d been briefed already, but it was still daunting. When it was her turn, she passed her bags to one sergeant to be taken over the side, then took a deep breath before approaching the edge of the boat. Only her breath didn’t come back out, stuck in her lungs as a wave of terror to rival any ocean wave washed over her, clogging her throat.
‘Don’t look down and keep going!’ she was told, the sergeant’s words managing to unfreeze her. She stepped closer, letting him lower her over the edge. ‘Don’t look down,’ he repeated as she started to climb towards the landing craft.
Cold sea spray stung her cheeks, wetting her hair and her clothes. But she kept going, didn’t stop, didn’t look down.
‘When I say jump, you need to jump back!’ another man yelled. ‘Fall back into my arms!’
Ellie sucked in another breath, listened for his command, eyes shut and suppressing a scream.
‘Jump!’
She let go, launching back, her vest so bulky and ungainly she imagined it was similar to feeling eight months pregnant.
‘Got you,’ the soldier said in her ear as strong arms caught her, holding on tight.
Ellie gasped and then struggled to stand, hating the stupid vest as the soldier helped to steady her. Her heart was beating, blood pumping through her veins, but she was alive.
‘Wow,’ she managed to say to him as he released her.
‘It feels good letting go like that, doesn’t it?’ he asked with a smile that she could just make out in the semi-darkness.
Ellie smiled to herself and stood back for the next nurse to come overboard. Maybe the things she expected to be terrifying weren’t going to be so bad after all.
The water was dark, black almost, and the sky above was equally inky, the bright white moon bathing their faces in a beautiful half-light. Then bright lights cascaded through the sky and the uneasy feeling in Ellie’s stomach came back full force.
Ellie stared at the Tommy cooker, ignoring the flashes in the sky that had sent chills down her spine only a few hours earlier. She was already getting used to the constant, dull noise of gunfire and the distant sky being illuminated in tiny bursts as they sat there in the open. The night wind blowing across the water felt cool, and the fact that she could still vividly recall the bodies bobbing out there was making her want to heave all over again. But at the same time she was so hungry that the feeling was gnawing at her stomach as if there were an actual hole to fill. For the first time in her life, she was struggling to find any humour, any happiness, in her situation. She was lost, and even with Scarlet and the other nurses around her, she was feeling very much alone.
‘Do you think we’ll end up staying on the beach tonight?’ Scarlet asked in a low whisper.
They were huddled together, cooking side by side, four other nurses with them in a tiny circle that was as much for comfort as warmth.
‘I hope not,’ Ellie replied, keeping her head down. ‘I feel like we’re too exposed here, not safe enough.’