‘This war is going to be full of women who fell in love with men they’ll never see again. All we do is say goodbye over and over.’
She didn’t know why he was telling her that, what he was trying to say, but his words washed through her anyway, making her think. He was right, and because of it women were marrying men they hardly knew, or were being left broken-hearted knowing that their chance to fall properly in love had been snatched away from them.
They stared at one another, neither of them moving. Scarlet’s feelings for Thomas had been real, she knew they had, but after so long without seeing him, her mind was playing tricks on her – making her think that what she was feeling for James was more intense, making her think that maybe he was right.
‘Walk me back, James. Please.’
He grunted and lit up a cigarette. She wondered if he’d also only be given four as the nurses had, or whether he had his own stash. They walked in silence, the only noise their boots colliding with branches and swishing through fallen leaves. Her mind was racing, but she wasn’t about to give in to her feelings – she couldn’t. She was searching for Thomas; she was engaged to the man. She owed it to him to be waiting when, or if, he returned from the depths of hell.
‘I’ll see you on board,’ she said, rushing ahead and not looking back.
James quickly intercepted her, his cigarette gone. ‘Scarlet, wait.’
She paused, refusing to look at him until he reached out and touched her shoulder. When she did, his fingers found their way to her chin, softly pushing it up so her eyes were forced to meet his.
‘I’m not uncaring, if that’s what you think. For all our differences, Thomas is my brother and I want him to come home. I do.’
She nodded. ‘Sometimes we can’t help the way we feel.’
‘I’m sorry about what happened. If I’d known when I met you, if we’d realised, I never would have behaved like that.’ He held out his hand.
She placed her palm to his, hating the way she was drawn to him, how badly she wanted to pull him towards her and hold him tight.
‘I know.’
James shook her hand. ‘Goodbye then.’
Scarlet left it at that, walking away from a man that made every bone in her body want to turn back and throw herself into his arms. Tomorrow they’d be packing, the orderlies checking that the surgical instruments were greased against rust, wrapped in oil paper, sewn in and then stencilled, along with bed pans, urinals, syringes, flags and more.
After that, she didn’t know whether she’d ever even see James again. Tears burnt her eyes, the dampness hot as it hit her cheeks, curving down and into her mouth. But she never looked back. Not once.
She was too afraid of what she’d do if she did, because the way she was feeling? It wasn’t right.
‘Will you wait for me?’
Scarlet held his hand tight, gazing up at Thomas. He looked so dashing in his uniform – his cheeks clean-shaven, dark hair carefully parted, his eyes on hers as he reached out his fingertips to stroke the side of her face.
‘Of course.’ They were in the middle of a war, and all she wanted was for it to be over so he could come back home.
‘Scarlet, will you marry me? I don’t know when I’ll return, but I need to know that we will be married when this is all over.’
His smile was so kind, his eyes full of what she was certain was love. There was nothing in the world she wanted more than to be his wife.
‘Yes. A hundred times, yes,’ she whispered, leaning into him as he kissed her briefly on the mouth, pulling her against him and holding her.
Scarlet breathed in the scent of him, aftershave mixed with the pressed, new smell of his jacket. He made a handsome soldier, but she still wished he didn’t have to go, that there had been some reason for him to stay.
He held out a ring, a dark sapphire with a diamond at each side sparkling up at her. She let him slide it on to her finger, gazed at it, felt the weight of it against her skin. It was beautiful.
‘This was my grandmother’s, and I want you to have it.’
‘I love it,’ she said, excited about showing it to her friends. She was engaged!
‘It’s perfect on you. Just make sure you keep it safe, put it on a necklace around your neck if you need to keep it hidden, if anything happens.’
She nodded, hating how solemn things felt when she should have been squealing with joy, not a care in the world, excited to become the new Mrs Sanders. ‘I will. I’ll look after it for ever.’
‘You need to sign up with the Red Cross, do work close to home. Stay safe,’ he said, searching her eyes as he pulled back. ‘I don’t want to worry about you while I’m gone.’
She swallowed, staring back at him, not about to tell him that she wasn’t sure yet about what she wanted to do. Whether she should do more, make a bigger contribution; and besides, if she didn’t sign up for something soon then she’d have no choice and be drafted into any kind of work.
‘I’ll be here. Don’t you worry about me. Just promise to write.’
The way he held her, tight to his chest, made her feel safe and loved. ‘I promise,’ he murmured back, mouth to her hair. ‘I’m hardly going to ignore the woman who’s to be my wife.’
Scarlet wanted to believe him, hoped that what he was saying was true.
‘Whenever things get bad, think about us,’ she whispered in his ear, arms still around him. ‘Imagine our wedding day, and the beautiful little children we’ll have someday.’
He kissed her cheek and stepped back, hands on hers until they slowly slipped away.
‘I love you, Scarlet.’
‘I love you, too,’ she said, holding back a sob, watching as he walked backwards.
She didn’t take her eyes off him, thought her heart was going to break seeing him walk away like that. Why now? Why did the war have to ruin her season, her engagement, all her dreams? Why did Thomas have to go?
‘Goodbye!’ he called out.
Scarlet raised one hand and waved, torn between wanting to chase after him and showing how strong she could be – blinking away tears and not moving from her position.
He was her Thomas, and he’d be home.
Suddenly gunshots echoed around her, the garden becoming a blur of smoke, the peace of the birds in the trees shattered by the sound of gunfire. Or was it bombs?
‘Thomas!’ she screamed.
Then she saw him, falling, bright red staining his back, his face bloody as he turned to her.
‘Thomas!’
Scarlet screamed as hands closed over her, struggled free, searching in the dark, frantic, looking for Thomas. But he was gone.
‘Scarlet, it’s all right. You’re fine, it was only a dream.’
Her hair was wet at the nape of her neck, her hands shaking as she stared around her, eyes adjusting to the almost-blackness. She recognised the warmth of Ellie’s arm cradling her – slowly figured out where she was.
‘You were calling for Thomas,’ Ellie said softly. ‘I had to shake you to stop you from screaming out to him again.’