‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to offend you.’ James ran one hand down his cheek to his mouth as he shook his head. ‘What I should have said was how much it means to a soldier to have a woman care for him. What you’re doing is admirable, even more so because it’s not what anyone would have expected of you.’
‘My family was furious with me, but I wasn’t prepared to sit back and do nothing when our country and our men need us so badly. It didn’t really dawn on me what I’d done until I was on the train with Ellie. Maybe it still hasn’t really sunk in – reality, I mean.’
‘Well, your family should be very proud of you. I hope they are. Thomas, too.’ His smile was kind, warm, but she knew he must be feeling like she was, the same as before only a hundred times more guilty. ‘I know I would be if . . .’
She gulped at his unfinished sentence, but tried to continue as if nothing was wrong. ‘My parents would be more proud of me if I were obedient and did what they said, but I don’t feel like that girl any longer. It was my determination to find Thomas myself that made me send my letter off to join in the first place.’ She was only telling the truth, but it was hard to get the words out.
‘He would hate you doing this, truth be told,’ James said. He laughed, and for a moment she felt like they were friends instead of two people trying to pretend that they hadn’t just kissed and enjoyed every guilty moment of it. ‘If I know my brother, he’d much prefer you at home, baking all day and keeping a lookout of the kitchen window for him to return. Doing a little to help the Red Cross perhaps.’
Scarlet rolled her eyes, even though it was a childish thing to do. ‘I don’t believe you. You honestly believe that he wouldn’t approve?’ Scarlet asked. She was helping others and searching for him, what wrong was there in that?
‘Ah, don’t listen to me,’ James said, starting to move away. ‘What do I know? I haven’t seen him in a while, so maybe my brother has become more open-minded. But me? Now, I like the fact that you’re fighting Hitler alongside us boys. It’s endearing.’
‘Where are we going?’ Scarlet asked, unsure why they were moving. ‘Do you honestly think he’s alive? That I have a chance of finding him?’ Maybe she needed someone who knew Thomas to tell her that she was right, that she was doing the right thing; or maybe it was the complete opposite.
‘I think if anyone can find him, you can,’ he said softly, reaching for her hand, his touch sending unexpected chills across her skin as she started at their connection. ‘I won’t give up on him, not until the day this damn war is over, and you shouldn’t either.’
Scarlet met his gaze, bravely staring back at him. So he didn’t think she was mad, after all.
‘I needed to hear you say that.’ She didn’t let go of his hand, not yet, even though she knew she should. ‘Did he ever talk to you about me?’ Scarlet asked, wanting to hear something about Thomas, to stop thinking about being with James as butterflies beat their wings in her stomach and her heart began to ache.
‘He did. But you have to remember that I only saw him once since he met you, and we weren’t exactly close. You must know that.’ He shrugged. ‘We were once, but fighting for our father’s affection and respect, and butting heads constantly, kind of pulled us apart.’
‘When did you last see him?’ she asked. Thomas had told her something of his history and falling-out with his brother, but not a lot.
‘I saw him in passing not long after he’d proposed to you. We had less than a day; a few hours on leave before we were both sent our separate ways.’
‘He spoke of you fondly – talked about your childhood,’ she said. ‘Although he also said you hadn’t been so close in recent years.’
‘War changes you, makes you realise the errors of the past sometimes,’ James replied. ‘We were close growing up, always going on adventures, getting into trouble, fighting until we had bloody noses. But Thomas got more serious as we got older, became more interested in taking his place as the eldest son and following my father’s footsteps into banking. I guess I rebelled more, didn’t take life as seriously as he did. Until it was time to enlist, and then life changed.’
Scarlet slowly digested the words, put the puzzle pieces of their life together, imagined them as young boys with their dark hair and brown eyes, handsome as ever and no doubt driving their nanny mad.
‘Do you want to know what he told me?’ James asked, shifting beside her.
Scarlet nodded before realising he probably couldn’t see the movement. ‘Yes. Please.’
‘He told me that there would be a wedding as soon as this war was over, and said I was to be his best man,’ James shared with her. ‘I laughed and asked him who’d been crazy enough to say yes to him, and he swung at me just like when we were kids! But it was nice that he wanted me to do that for him, after so long not seeing one another.’
Scarlet could almost see the exchange between the brothers.
‘Thomas said you were perfect wife material – that you were from a good family, that you’d had a fast, fun courtship, and that he’d asked you before he left. I think he was worried that if he didn’t ask you first, you’d be engaged to someone else before he returned. The only thing he forgot to tell me was how beautiful you are. My question is, would you have waited for him if he hadn’t proposed, or would I be talking to a single woman now?’
Scarlet had been about to interrupt James and tell him that of course she would have waited for Thomas, engagement promise or not, but his last words had rattled her. Heat flooded her body, the hairs on her arms standing on end. Maybe if she’d met James before, and hadn’t been formally engaged to Thomas, she might not feel as conflicted right now.
‘Don’t ever speak of this to Thomas. He mustn’t ever know.’ She stared at him. ‘You meant it, didn’t you? That you’d never tell?’
James’s laugh was cold this time. ‘That his little brother tried to steal his girl before he was even in the ground? I have a feeling he’d be more worried about me stepping into our father’s role ahead of him than stealing you.’
Scarlet slapped him, hard. Her palm connected with his face in a burning slam that made her instantly recoil.
‘Charming,’ he muttered, stalking away.
Scarlet had never felt so alone as she stood in the dark without him, watching his silhouette walking off. What had just happened? What had she done? Why did he make her feel so . . . She didn’t even know what she was feeling, what he had done to her, other than make her mad.
‘You know what?’ James called out, storming back towards her. ‘To hell with Thomas. I’m here with you now. How long did you know him before you agreed to marry him? Was it even a month?’ He glared at her, waiting. ‘From what I know it wasn’t even that.’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t talk like that. I gave your brother my word, my promise.’ She wasn’t about to tell him that he was right. That it had been exactly a month.