Where the Memories Lie

 

Got her pregnant and killed her. How did you get Tom to cover it up and keep your secret? What did you say to him? “Oh, hi, Dad, I know you’ve had a busy day at work, but I’ve got a bit of a problem I need burying. Can you give me a hand?”’ I impersonated Ethan’s voice.

 

258

 

Where the Memories Lie He threw his hands in the air. ‘There was no secret! I didn’t kill her!’

 

‘Where were you when she disappeared then, huh?’

 

‘I don’t know. I can’t remember what happened that day. It was years ago.’

 

‘She was last seen walking towards the barn. Had you already arranged to meet her here that day? Did she want money before she left, or something else?’

 

He flinched as if my words were a physical slap. ‘You’re crazy.

 

This is insane.’

 

‘No, you’re insane! What’s insane is what you did! Come on, tell me. How did Tom find out what happened? Did you panic and tell him? Then you both decided to bury her where you thought no one would ever find her? Is that how it went?’ My jaw clenched.

 

‘I don’t want you here in the house. Not with Anna. How do I know you won’t do it again?’

 

‘I didn’t do anything!’ He held his palms up to me in a ‘calm down’ gesture. But I didn’t want to calm down. I needed to get it out there where it belonged.

 

‘You killed her,’ I said. ‘And you’re too cowardly to admit it.’

 

‘I can’t believe you’d think that. Can’t believe you think I would be capable of something like this. I thought you knew me better than that.’ His words were edged with steel, his once beautiful eyes flashing now with something in their depths that looked dark and dangerous. ‘You don’t know anything.’

 

‘I obviously don’t know you at all.’

 

‘After everything we’ve been through . . . How can you not trust me?’

 

I held up the necklace. ‘Because this speaks louder than words, Ethan. Who else would put this in your toolbox?’

 

‘We never keep that garage door locked. Anyone could’ve put it there.’ His chest rose and fell, a muscle in his jaw pulsing. ‘Maybe 259

 

Sibel Hodge

 

Dad put it there when he was living with us. Did you ever think of that? He was always leaving things in weird places. This really is all down to him. His confession was the truth. He was the person who actually killed her and he acted alone.’ He emphasised the last word.

 

‘You’re just looking for something that’s not there. Putting two and two together and coming up with nine!’ He yelled, the tendons in his neck pulsing angrily against his skin.

 

‘Oh, that’s good, isn’t it? That’s very convenient again. You’ve been trying to convince me all this time that Tom couldn’t possibly have killed her, and now suddenly you’re saying he did it just to get yourself off the hook.’ My heart beat so hard it threatened to explode out of my chest. My shoulders were taut, rigid bands of muscle.

 

He stared at me for a long time in silence. Finally, he said, ‘I don’t know you, either.’ And he stormed out of the room.

 

I heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs. I chewed on my fingernail, wondering what to do, trying to take some deep, calming breaths. Should I go up there and make sure he wasn’t hurting Anna? But then, why would he? He’d always been the perfect father.

 

Yeah, but he’s always been the perfect husband and look how that’s turning out!

 

No, he wouldn’t hurt her. This wasn’t about Anna. It was about sex and lies and betrayal and blackmail.

 

But what if Tom had put the necklace there?

 

A thread of doubt unravelled from the tight ball of anxiety curled in my chest. Why hadn’t I even considered that? Why did I always shoot my mouth off prematurely? When Tom was living with us before he went into Mountain View, he could’ve been con-fused and easily put it in Ethan’s toolbox by accident, just like he’d done with the remote control. With many things.

 

Had I made a mistake? Had I jumped to the wrong conclusion?