Where the Memories Lie

 

 

‘He’s in York. Not sure when he’ll be back.’ I stood and turned away from her. ‘Now, what do you fancy for breakfast?’

 

‘The car boot sale at school is on Sunday, and I’ve decided not to do it, after all,’ Anna said as we got into the car.

 

‘Right,’ I said, doing up my seatbelt.

 

‘I don’t really want to see any of the people from school there. Some of them live in the village, and they’ll know what Granddad did.’

 

‘We still don’t know what . . . Granddad did, sweetheart.’

 

I angled myself to face her. ‘But you can’t hide forever. When you go back to school next term, some people will know. There’s no getting around that, and sometimes you just have to face your fears. Sometimes the fear of doing something is worse than actually doing it.’ I reached out and rested a palm on her cheek.

 

‘But what you have to remember always is that you haven’t done anything wrong. What . . . um . . . Granddad did is nothing to do 266

 

Where the Memories Lie with you. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s actions except your own.’

 

And that’s when it hit me. Katie’s death was not our responsibility to take on and bury and keep in shame. These were not our lies to keep secret. Ethan or Chris or Tom had killed Katie. We shouldn’t all be defined by the actions of others. It wasn’t us who had murdered her. No matter what it would do to Anna and the rest of the family, and to me, I had a duty to let the police know what I’d found out about the necklace, and that’s exactly what I’d do, even if it was going to rip our family into even smaller shreds. It wasn’t up to me to be judge and jury alone. I wanted someone else to make the decisions for me.

 

I was jarred from thoughts burning a hole in my brain by Anna’s voice.

 

‘Mum, you’re not listening, are you?’

 

‘Sorry, what?’

 

‘I said, maybe you’re right. If Charlotte can beat leukaemia, I can beat the gossip. They’re only words, anyway, aren’t they? And I still really want to raise money for the animal charity. I want to feel like I’m doing something to help.’

 

I leaned over and held her close to me. My beautiful, clever, strong, brave girl. I knew then that we’d get through this together.

 

Whatever happened, we’d survive. Eventually.

 

As I pulled back my phone rang.

 

I glanced at the screen and then at Anna. ‘It’s Aunty Nadia.’

 

Anna bit her lip and clutched my hand.

 

‘What happened? Have you got the results?’ I asked breathlessly ‘Yes. The doctor was right. Charlotte has acute lymphoblastic leukaemia.’

 

So that was it. It was official. Any little ray of hope was now obliterated.

 

267

 

Sibel Hodge

 

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said, knowing those words were totally inad-equate but wanting to say them, anyway.

 

‘Charlotte is being quite brave about the whole thing. She hasn’t even cried once today, which is a marked improvement. She’s asking to see Anna. Are you guys free to come round?’

 

The beach would have to wait until another day. This was much more important. ‘You bet.’

 

‘I called Ethan but he said he’s busy in meetings all day and he won’t get back until later.’

 

‘Yeah,’ I mumbled.

 

‘I’m worried about him. He’s taking all this really badly. I’ve never known him to be so . . . well, broody and silent.’ She paused for a moment. ‘Are you two all right?’

 

‘Um . . .’ A lump formed in my throat. I glanced out of the window, away from Anna so she wouldn’t notice me blinking rapidly. ‘How are you and Lucas holding up?’ I went for a complete change of direction instead.

 

‘He’s been amazing. Really supportive and loving. This is going to sound really strange but I think it will actually bring us closer together. It’s bizarre that a tragedy can heal some things, isn’t it?

 

I think he’s broken it off with that woman at work.’