Where the Memories Lie

Where the Memories Lie by Sibel Hodge

 

 

 

Prologue

 

 

‘What lies have you told recently, Mum?’ Anna walks into the kitchen and slaps some textbooks down on the table.

 

In the middle of cutting up some peppers on a chopping board, I swing around with fear, my heart banging.

 

What does she know? She can’t have found out the truth, surely.

 

‘Mum, you’ve cut yourself !’ She points to my finger.

 

I glance down. ‘Oh.’ I turn on the cold tap and run my finger under the flow of water. It’s only superficial. ‘What do you mean?’

 

I swallow and lick my lips, aware that my voice is shaky. ‘What lies are you talking about?’ I inhale a sharp breath and brace myself for the worst.

 

‘It’s for my Religion and Ethics homework.’ Anna sits down at the kitchen table, picks up a notebook from on top of the pile of books and taps it with a pen.

 

The relief hits me like a cold rush of air to my skin, sudden and hard. Thank God. I even manage a small laugh, although where I summon that up from, I don’t know.

 

‘Well, we all tell lies, don’t we?’ I say, forcing myself to sound casual.

 

Sibel Hodge She thinks about that for a moment, chewing on her lip. ‘Even religious people? I mean, what about . . .’ She waves the pen in the air. ‘Priests and vicars, for example?’

 

I think about the horrific stories that have come to light over the years in the Catholic orphanages. About vicars sexually abusing their choirboys. Nuns physically abusing their charges.

 

‘Especially them.’

 

‘But that’s hypocritical.’

 

I know all about being a hypocrite.

 

‘Religion isn’t supposed to be about lying, is it?’ she asks.

 

‘Absolutely right.’ In fact, I’m a staunch atheist. I don’t believe in something that tries to oppress people ? women in particular ?

 

and control the masses. I don’t particularly like the idea of religion being a compulsory subject at school, either, but Anna loves the ethics side of things, and she’s good at debating. Maybe she’ll become a lawyer.

 

Her smooth forehead scrunches up in a frown as she scribbles something down. ‘But there could also be some good reasons for lying.’

 

If only she knew just how good.

 

I turn off the tap and pat the small cut with kitchen roll before wrapping it around my finger and squeezing.

 

‘I have to examine the pros and cons, you see.’ She scribbles something in her book with neat, precise handwriting. ‘So, what lies have you told lately?’

 

‘I think I should ask you that instead.’ I try to grin but my mouth won’t cooperate properly and probably makes me look as if I have severe constipation. Luckily Anna doesn’t seem to notice.

 

She gives me a cheeky grin. ‘Maybe we should do hypothetical lies.’

 

vi

 

Where the Memories Lie I raise my eyebrows. ‘Wow! Is it that bad, then? What did you lie about?’ I’m sure it will only be something ridiculously small.

 

Anna is a good girl.

 

She blushes. ‘No, it wasn’t anything, really.’

 

‘OK, hypothetically.’ I turn my back to her and carry on with the peppers. ‘This is your homework so you tell me.’

 

‘Um . . . What about when you’re planning a surprise party for someone and you lie about it because you don’t want to ruin the surprise? That would be a good thing. A pro.’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘And a white lie could also be a pro. To spare someone’s feelings and stop them getting upset.’

 

White lies. I’ve tried to convince myself this is just a white lie I’m carrying around inside.

 

‘Very good. We might tell lies with good intentions in mind.’

 

My voice cracks slightly. I scrape the peppers from the chopping board into a frying pan and grab some mushrooms and an onion from the fridge.

 

‘Does that make them acceptable, though?’ Anna asks I hesitate, going over the same things I’ve been asking myself.