Where the Memories Lie

 

I gave her what I hoped was a supportive smile.

 

‘What? Do you think that’s weak of me?’ She sniffed.

 

‘I . . .’ I didn’t know what it was. I was in shock. I couldn’t imagine Lucas having an affair. They always seemed so perfect for each other. They’d been together a year longer than Ethan and I, so that would make it twenty-seven years now. That’s no mean feat these days, when people change their partners as often as their mobile phones. ‘Maybe it’s not what you think. Maybe there’s some explanation for it.’

 

‘No, there’s no mistake.’ She stared out into the thick mature oaks and beech trees. Then she shook her head. ‘But I’ve decided.

 

I’ve really decided I’m not going to do anything about it.’

 

‘Are you sure?’

 

‘Yes. It will just blow over, I’m positive. I can’t lose him, Olivia.

 

I just can’t. I’m not going to make him choose. I need him. Charlotte needs him. We’re his family.’

 

I thought about what I’d do if I found out Ethan was having an affair. I couldn’t just do nothing and let him carry on. I couldn’t handle knowing he was sleeping with someone else, thinking of someone else. Maybe even falling in love with someone else. It would always be there, wouldn’t it? The elephant in the room.

 

Hanging over what you did and what you thought, until jealousy and suspicion sucked the life out of anything you had left. Because everything that you thought you knew ? that you trusted, believed in ? would be a lie, and I had a big thing about honesty. Ethan and I had never had any secrets. How can you have a relationship based on deception? And what about Anna? It would rock her world, too, but I would have to think about what was best for her.

 

‘I think it will just blow over,’ Nadia said again, but I didn’t know who she was trying to convince ? me or herself.

 

‘Yes, of course it will,’ I said, going for supportive instead of judgemental. I suppose a lot of us don’t know what we’d do until 6

 

Where the Memories Lie we’re in that situation. I knew, though. I’d cut Ethan’s balls off and shove them down his throat. ‘Is Lucas coming back for the picnic this weekend?’

 

‘Yes.’ She glanced over at me and forced a slight smile. ‘Promise you won’t say anything to anyone. Not even Ethan.’

 

‘Oh, God, Nadia, you know we don’t have any secrets.’

 

‘Please.’ She gripped my arm tight, making me stop. ‘I don’t want Lucas finding out I know. They’re best mates, and if you tell Ethan, he’ll want to get involved.’

 

‘He won’t say anything to Lucas if I ask him not to.’

 

‘He’d probably punch him! No. This is private. This is my secret, not yours.’

 

I groaned, looking skyward. ‘OK.’ I just hoped she knew what she was doing, though.

 

‘Can you do me a favour?’

 

Poppy trotted back towards us with a stick in her mouth, closely followed by Minstrel, who was trying to jump on her back. She slobbered on my walking boot, keeping us company as we headed through the woods.

 

‘Of course. What?’

 

‘I was going to see Dad later, but I don’t feel up to it today. Is there any chance you can go instead?’

 

Since Lucas and Ethan were away such a lot with work, it was usually Nadia and I who took turns to visit Tom every few days.

 

Chris went, too, of course, when he was working locally. Most of the time I didn’t mind seeing my father-in-law so much. I loved him, after all, and I wanted to make sure he was as happy as he could be, but sometimes it was tiring and frustrating and became more of a chore or duty than a pleasure.

 

‘I’m on the late shift today, but I’ll go in and see him when we’ve finished our walk.’ I worked part time as a practice nurse at the village doctor’s surgery, job sharing with another part-time 7