Trouble is a Friend of Mine

‘I probably shouldn’t add littering to my rap sheet, then,’ I said.

‘You realize good girls don’t really go to heaven, right?’ Digby said.

‘Just let her keep it and let’s go in before someone sees us. By the way, Digby, you couldn’t have bought black spray paint? This is so …’ Henry gestured at the clumps of snow spray on the door. ‘I mean, it’s September, dude.’

‘Yeah, I guess black paint would’ve been less suspicious.’ Digby smiled. Clearly, the ridiculousness had been part of the plan.

‘Yeah, ha-ha, you’re funny. Come on. Let’s get going,’ Henry said.

Digby tugged at Schell’s door handle. Of course it was locked.

‘Hey, you never know.’ Digby pointed at the sticker for the security company on the door. ‘Guy spends twelve grand on a state-of-the-art security system but puts a fifteen-dollar lock on the door. Total security theater.’

Digby inserted a screwdriver’s blade into the keyhole of the lock assembly at the base of the door, hit the screwdriver with a small hammer, and punched out the lock barrel. Then he used the screwdriver to slide out the bolt, and the door swung open. As soon as he did that, though, a loud beeping started.

‘Well, he’s probably pretty confident no one would be dumb enough to break in. You know, seeing as how he has a twelve-thousand-dollar system,’ Henry said.

We stepped in and Digby closed the door behind us.

‘Seriously, Digby, now what do we do?’ Henry looked freaked out. I would’ve been freaked out too, if I hadn’t watched Digby memorize the security code.

Digby punched in 1-2-1-3-1, then stopped, short the last digit. The beeping continued.

‘So, why’d you break up with her?’ Digby said.

‘What?’ Henry said.

‘Marina didn’t break up with you. She went crazy when you broke up with her. Why’d you break up with her?’ Digby said.

‘We didn’t get along. Just put in the code. Please.’ Henry was trying to sound calm, but he was obviously panicking. Digby was loving it.

‘Why not? She’s exactly your type. She even looks like she enjoys those craptastic school dances you like so much. How’d you meet her, anyway?’ Digby said.

Henry took a break from panicking and looked embarrassed. ‘She asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance.’

‘Exactly,’ Digby said. ‘And why’d you break up with her at the beginning of the summer? You like your summer romances. Fourth-grade summer, Laura Prescott. Fifth-grade summer, Beth Daniels. Sixth-grade, Jane Parker –’

‘I wasn’t ready to get serious,’ Henry said.

‘What does that mean?’ Digby said.

The beeps of the alarm had been getting louder and closer together the whole time Digby interrogated Henry. Now even I was freaking out, so I shoved Digby aside, pushed the last digit of the code, and hit ENTER.

‘It means she wanted to have sex and he didn’t. God,’ I said. Henry looked shocked. ‘We’re about to break into her gynecologist’s office. What else could “serious” mean? Now, can we do this already?’

‘I wanted to hear him say it,’ Digby said.

We went to the exam room and Digby turned on a flashlight to scan Schell’s desk. He flipped pages on the notepad, turned over the stapler, and did general thief-in-the-night stuff.

‘It’d be faster if you told us what to look for,’ Henry said.

‘We need his password to open those encrypted files I cloned,’ Digby said. ‘He’s got to have it analog-style somewhere … the guy’s totally two-thousand-and-late.’

‘That’s it?!’ I was whisper-screaming, he made me so mad. ‘You made me break in here for a lousy password? We could’ve used decryption software from anywhere. I’m going to kill you … ‘

Henry was already hunting around. ‘Doesn’t matter. We’re here. Let’s just find it and get the hell out.’

I started helping. ‘Put the stuff back the way you found it so it’s not obvious someone’s messed with his desk.’

Digby’s phone rang, but I was surprised when he answered a phone I’d never seen before and, in a clipped voice said, ‘Yes, sir. Yes, sir …’

When I caught Henry’s eye, he mouthed His dad.

Digby said, ‘Yes, sir, I read you five-by-five.’ When he noticed me gawping, he ducked out to finish the call.

‘Five-by-five?’ I said.

‘His dad was air force …’ Henry said. ‘You know, I wasn’t, like … scared or anything. With Marina, I mean. We did other stuff. You know.’

‘Uh … no, I don’t know,’ I said. ‘But that’s okay. Don’t feel like you have to describe it or anything.’

He was quiet, but I could hear the little hamster running on the squeaky wheel in his brain as he relived the moment he just-said-no to Marina. The truth was, I was curious how far they’d gotten before Henry chickened out. Stuff sounded like something around third base, but before? Or after? Plus, there were a lot of stops between third and home …

Great. Now my hamster’s on his wheel, I thought.

‘What?’ Henry said.