Trouble is a Friend of Mine

Watching my parents squabble after Dad moved out, it annoyed me that they couldn’t admit they missed each other. They fought about me, but really, I could’ve been a dog and the arguments would’ve been no different. Just kiss already, I used to think when I watched them. I thought the same thing watching Digby and Henry bickering on their way to the car. Just admit you’ve missed each other and kiss already. Sure, part of me wanted to go ride around town with them, but their bickering was seriously causing flashbacks. I’d heard enough bickering to last me a lifetime. Nothing could get me in that car.

Inside the house, Mom yelled, thinking I was still in my room, ‘Zoe! Want to come to the Scrabble mixer with me?’

Except maybe that.

‘Sorry, Mom, my friends are here!’ I ran off the porch.

They were already pulling away when I opened the door and jumped in the car. Henry really hadn’t thought I was coming and he slammed on the brakes, surprised.

‘Welcome to the party, Princeton.’ Digby handed me a stick of gum and made a greedy gimme-gimme-gimme gesture in Henry’s face until he slapped five bucks in Digby’s hand.





NINE


The parking lot outside Schell’s clinic was deserted.

‘Stop here.’ Digby pointed at a chiropractor’s office next door. ‘There’s a camera behind that glass door. When it sweeps around, it captures everything from the parking spot next to us all the way to the entrance of Schell’s office.’

‘So what are we supposed to do now?’ Henry said.

‘Princeton’s going to spray the chiropractor’s camera.’ Digby held up a can of snow spray, the aerosol kind you use to decorate windows for Christmas. ‘It’ll block out the camera’s view.’

‘What? Me? Why me?’ I said.

‘You’re the only one dressed for it.’ Digby flicked my top’s hood.

‘Uh … I’m not doing it. Let’s go to Plan B,’ I said.

‘There’s no Plan B,’ Digby said.

‘What were you going to do if I didn’t come?’ I said.

‘You were always going to come,’ Digby said.

‘This again,’ Henry said.

‘There’s no way you could’ve known I’d wear something that would hide my face,’ I said. ‘Do what you were going to do if I hadn’t.’

‘Sure I knew. Good girls like you hide when they do bad things,’ Digby said. ‘By the way, personal theory – you’re not hiding your face from the world because you’re afraid you’ll get caught doing something bad. You’re hiding your face from the world because you don’t want the shame of anyone seeing how much you like it. Tell me I’m wrong.’

‘I’m not doing it. Think of another way,’ I said.

‘It took hours to come up with this plan,’ Digby said.

‘Shut up, you just came up with it right now. Rummage around that insane brain of yours and come up with another one,’ I said.

Digby pulled out his little black notebook and flipped to a flowchart titled: ‘Plans for breakin.’ The first box in the chart had my name in it with an arrow to another box containing the words spray fake snow on chiropractor door. Written over the arrow were the words good girl in disguise and a little doodle of my face covered up with a Batman mask. He’d drawn a halo over my head.

‘If it were raining I’d ask you for an umbrella, and if I’d cut myself I’d ask you for a Band-Aid,’ Digby said.

What could I say? I always kept a folding umbrella in my backpack. It was right by my first aid kit.

So I grabbed the snow spray from him.

‘So you really just wear those diamond earrings everywhere? What, did your dad tell you to?’

‘Do you want me to do this or not?’ I pulled up my hood and got out of the car.

I was terrified. My heart raced and my feet felt like they were a thousand miles away from my brain. In fact, it took me a second to realize I’d tripped on the curb in front of the chiropractor’s door and was lying facedown on the ground. I heard laughing coming from the car.

The snow spray rolled out of my hand and I barely stopped it from disappearing under a parked car. Of course, my first worry was that the security camera had filmed my face and I almost got whiplash stopping myself from reflexively looking up straight into the lens to make sure it hadn’t. I stared at the ground and crawled to the door instead.

I heard the psssht of a soda popping open. I turned to see Digby offering Henry something from a little cooler. Who brings a picnic to a breakin? This fricking guy.

I pointed the can in the general direction of the camera and held down the nozzle. Digby hadn’t said how much to put on, so I sprayed until the can sputtered out. Little flecks of the stuff went up my nostrils.

‘Whoa … did I mention there were two cameras we needed to spray with that can?’ Digby said.

‘No, you sure didn’t. The hell?’ I’d used the whole can. Half of it had run down my arm.

‘Kidding. You did good. You know, I actually thought it was going to take a lot longer to convince you to go. I didn’t think you had it in you,’ Digby said. ‘Maybe we can be bunk buddies in juvie.’

‘Yeah, great, so I can strangle you in your sleep.’ I wedged the can into one of my hoodie pockets.

‘You can’t recycle that,’ Digby said. ‘Just leave it.’

‘That’s littering,’ I said.

‘Uh, let’s see … blocking a security camera before breaking and entering. Obstruction of justice? Tampering with evidence …’ he said. ‘Plus the actual breaking and entering, Juvie. You know, I think Juvie is catchier than Princeton.’